In the Holiday hierarchy, I put Fourth of July at a strong #5 (after Halloween, Thanksgiving, New Years Eve and Bulletproof Saturday). It’s a very solid holiday. The three best things about Independence Day in reverse order…
3.) Coolers of Domestic Canned Brews
2.) Freedoms, F#ck yeah
1.) Copious amount of hot dogs, Double F#ck yeah
Fireworks are overrated. In honor of the official wiener holiday, I feel compelled to recognize the athletes that bring showmanship to that upper echelon of arrogance known as hot doggin’ here are your top five in no particular order:
Deion Sanders
Chad Johnson, Steve Smith, his former-teammate and brother in hot doggin’ Michael Irvin, they could all make a case for being the biggest NFL hotdog. In my opinion, Deion was the original and no one did it better.
Deion raises you the “Deion Sanders Hot Dog Express,” Chad.
Ricky Davis
Deion is a great example of why hot doggin’ is not necessarily detrimental to one’s performance. Ricky Davis, is not. He’s basically Wesley Snipes in White Men Can’t Jump playing against better guys. Also, Reggie Miller is my runner-up for basketball hot-doggin’.
Manny Ramirez
Not as much of a cautionary tale of hot doggin’ it as Davis, but pretty damn close. Manny invented and constantly toes the line between hot doggin’ and foolishness. Interested to see if he keeps it up when he makes it back from suspension jail purgatory.
Alexander Ovechkin
The guy scored 52 goals in his rookie season. Plus, Wale made him the first hockey player to be mentioned in a rap song (Do it for the capital, Wale Ovechkin). He can start breakdancing after goals if he wants, if you ask me.
Ronaldo
Kind of a darkhorse for the top five, Ronaldo is actually a hot dog tandem threat.
Hot dog showman on the pitch…
Nice eventual pass out of the box, Fancy Feet.
And hot dog…connoisseur, shovel, black hole. Double points for being a fatty fat fat.
Honorable Mention:
Kobayashi, just because the guy’s sport could be called hot-doggin’. He is probably gonna be like “dude, really?” once he realizes he didn’t make the top five. I personally find his performances to be cerebral at best.
Hard to believe, but the U.S. Open is indeed over. This year’s victor Lucas Glover might as well be Crispin Glover in Back to the Future III. His time has passed. Time to move on to real golf entertainment, or at least a tournament that’s guaranteed not to finish up on a Monday while your at work. I’m talking of course about the American Century Championship, held every summer in Lake Tahoe - the land of gambling, skiing, that horrible Piven movie Smokin’ Aces, and a place where no man’s golf game would ever get delayed an extra day.
Every year about 80 celebs escape to the Lake so that they can put their 40-yard slices power-fades on display to be broadcast on NBC. Over the years, friendships have been forged at this event. Charles Barkley already challenged Alonzo Mourning to see who can get the lower score this year (probably be around 125). This year, TAHOECELEBRITYGOLF.COM has decided to enlist the sports blog intelligentsia to help foster new connections of would-be golf prowess. Take a look at the list below of the 2009 participants and select your Fantasy Pairings (could be a twosome, threesome, or foursome), and send me your quote-unquote rationale. Next Week leading up to the tournament, we’ll post the best and vote.
The winner is going get their fantasy pairing printed as a by-line in the 2010 American Century Program, which is a family publication, so keep it less-than offensive. TahoeCelebrityGolf.com will also send free merchandise to the top entries. To enter, either email me here or post a short entry on your blog and link back here. Readers are free to enter as well!
Voting kicks off next Monday and the winner will be decided during tournament week beginning July 13.
For my personal, yet very ineligible, submission I’m throwing out a threesome that no Country Club manager would ever dare try to put pin a single with: David Wells, Chuck Liddell and Brian Baumgartner, who plays Kevin on The Office.
These guys could be brothers if you ask me, the kind of brothers that go drink Budweiser in the garage of their parents house for 6 1/2 hours…and then go play a round. You see why I couldn’t have put Alfonso Ribeiro in this group.
Extra favor or consideration may be given to anyone who makes a case for a grouping that features Carlton from Fresh Prince. Check out the list…
Marcus Allen (NFL Hall of Fame RB)
Ray Allen (Boston Celtics)
Anthony Anderson (Law & Order, Barbershop)
Derek Anderson (Cleveland Browns)
Ronde Barber (Tampa Bay Buccaneers)
Charles Barkley (Former NBA All-Star)
Steve Bartkowski (Former NFL All-Pro QB)
Shane Battier (Houston Rockets)
Brian Baumgartner (The Office)
Tim Brown (Former NFL All-Pro WR)
Joe Buck (Announcer)
Cris Carter (Former NFL All-Pro WR)
Joe Carter (Former MLB All-Star OF)
Matt Cassel (Kansas City Chiefs)
Chris Chandler (Former NFL All-Pro QB)
Vince Coleman (Former MLB All-Star OF)
Jay Cutler (Chicago Bears)
Jack Del Rio (NFL Head Coach: Jacksonville Jaguars)
Vinny Del Negro (NBA Head Coach: Chicago Bulls)
Richard Dent (Former NFL All-Pro LB)
Trent Dilfer (Former NFL All-Pro QB)
Herm Edwards (Former NFL Head Coach)
Trent Edwards (Buffalo Bills)
John Elway (NFL Hall of Fame QB)
Mike Eruzione (Captain, 1980 US Hockey Captain)
Marshall Faulk (Former NFL All-Pro RB)
Grant Fuhr (NHL Hall of Fame Goalie)
Trent Green (NFL All-Pro QB)
Anfernee Hardaway (Former NBA All-Star)
Rodney Harrison (NFL All-Pro Safety)
AJ Hawk (Green Bay Packers)
Dennis Haysbert (24, The Unit, Major League)
Todd Heap (Baltimore Ravens)
Oliver Hudson (Rules of Engagement)
Brett Hull (Former NHL All-Star)
Dan Jansen (Olympic Gold Medal Speed Skater)
Dale Jarrett (NASCAR Driver)
Dick Jauron (NFL Head Coach, Buffalo Bills)
Michael Jordan (NBA Legend)
Jason Kidd (Dallas Mavericks)
Pierre Larouche (Former NHL All-Star)
Matt Leinart (Arizona Cardinals)
Mario Lemieux (NHL Legend)
Chuck Liddell (MMA Fighter)
Kenny Lofton (Former MLB All-Star)
Neil Lomax (Former NFL All-Pro QB)
John Lynch (Former NFL All-Pro Safety)
Dan Marino (NFL Hall of Fame QB)
Tino Martinez (Former MLB All-Star 1B)
Chris McDonald (Happy Gilmore)
Bruce McGill (Animal House)
Jim McMahon (Former NFL All-Pro QB)
Bode Miller (World Class Skier)
Alonzo Mourning (Former NBA All-Star)
Kevin Nealon (SNL)
Daniel Negreanu (Professional Poker Player)
Terence Newman (NFL All-Pro CB: Dallas Cowboys)
Jonathan Ogden (Former All-Pro OL)
Paul O’Neill (Former MLB All-Star OF)
Carson Palmer (Cincinnati Bengals)
Digger Phelps (ESPN Analyst, Former Notre Dame Basketball Coach)
Wade Phillips (NFL Head Coach: Dallas Cowboys)
Maury Povich (Television Host)
Dan Quayle (Former U.S Vice President)
Dan Quinn (Former NHL Center)
Rick Rhoden (Former MLB All-Star Pitcher)
Alfonso Ribeiro (Fresh Prince of Bel Air)
Jerry Rice (Former NFL All-Pro WR)
Aaron Rodgers (Green Bay Packers)
Jeremy Roenick (San Jose Sharks)
Ben Roethlisberger (Pittsburgh Steelers)
Ray Romano (Everybody Loves Raymond)
Tony Romo (Dallas Cowboys)
Matt Ryan (Atlanta Falcons)
Mark Rypien (Former All-Pro NFL QB)
Bret Saberhagen (Former MLB Pitcher/World Series MVP)
Joe Sakic (Colorado Avalanche)
Matt Schaub (Houston Texans)
Mike Schmidt (MLB Hall of Fame 3B)
Mike Shanahan (Former NFL Head Coach)
Sterling Sharpe (Former NFL All-Pro WR)
Emmitt Smith (NFL All-Time Rushing Leader)
Ozzie Smith ( MLB Hall of Fame SS)
Steve Spurrier (Univ. of South Carolina Football Coach)
Darryl Strawberry (Former MLB All-Star OF)
Wally Szczerbiak (Cleveland Cavaliers)
Lawrence Taylor (NFL Hall of Fame LB)
Vinny Testaverde (Former NFL All-Pro QB)
Joe Theismann (Former NFL All-Pro QB)
Billy Joe Tolliver (Former NFL QB)
Brian Urlacher (Chicago Bears)
Jack Wagner (The Bold and The Beautiful)
Antoine Walker (Former NBA All-Star)
Wes Welker (New England Patriots)
David Wells (Former All-Star Pitcher)
Ken Whisenhunt (NFL Head Coach: Arizona Cardinals)
This is not another post about Michael Jackson’s tragic death. This is not a post about Team USA’s tragic, epic meltdown yesterday. This is simply about a sweet soccer jersey that relates to M.J. and Team USA soccer. Have a look…
Apparently, the late King of Pop was a rabid U.S. soccer fan and The Spoiler would like to remind you that “this is not a cynical and rushed attempt to cash in on the death of an international hero - it’s definitely what he would have wanted.”
After a 9 months of recovery from (count ‘em) four surgeries to remove a brain tumor, pro golfer Seve “Balls” Ballesteros made his first public appearance at a press conference in Spain today. With an eager press corps in attendance to hear about Seve’s battle, the five-time major champ went with what he knows, the Links references..
“Nine months ago my life was hanging by a thread. I feel now like I have a mulligan in life.“
“My recovery is like The Open in 1984 when the ball hovered on the lip of the hole. With all my energy I willed the ball to drop in and it did.
My personal favorite. It wasn’t just a rainbow, it was a veritable rainbow assault on your senses. This should have never been cast aside.
Atlanta Hawks
Suggested by Will Brinson (Fanhouse, Brahsome), and universally agreed upon. The logo worn by ‘Nique. The red could not be more ketchup. The yellow could not be more mustard.
Minnesota Timberwolves
You guys got it right the first time when you put White Fang on your shirts.
New England Patriots
Some crack logo genius managed to design the angriest looking dude short of the Wake Forest Demon Deacon. I hate when people mess with their success.
Carolina Hurricanes
Also, move back to Hartford and change the team name back to The Whalers. Actually, I’d prefer if you went with Hartford, The Whale.
Milwaukee Brewers
Last but not least, the old school yellow and blue brew-crew glove. It’s sexual and violent.
After The Wheedle debacle of 2008, I didn’t think we would deal with another mascot fiasco so soon, and yet…
William & Mary College, of Williamsburg, VA, known as the Harvard of regional historical societies, has been asked to change their mascot - once the Indians, and for the time being the Tribe. The W&M populus is taking the process seriously - with over 400 suggestions. At the same time, you could argue they are not at all taking this seriously, with nomination like Asparagus being counted and apparently, considered?
The College of William & Mary in Virginia is looking for a mascot and ideas have ranged from a feathered horse to an asparagus stalk…The asparagus stalk supporter notes that if served with cheese, the vegetable represents the school colors. (William & Mary mascot ideas include an asparagus)
Asparagus retains a certain undeniable cachet. You grill up a nice medium rare London broil, serve it with aparagus, maybe some coriander. Wash it all down with some brown beer. I get it. However, plant life - diuretic properties or not- should never be a mascot.
Even after seeing this - asparagus beef bacon wraps w/ some sort of mushroom cheesewiz glaze- my feelings on that are unwavering. I don’t even think herbivores should be considered.
In honor of my first trip back to Fenway Park this weekend, I put it out there to some of the sports blog intelligentsia to send: My First Sports Memory
You can read all about my personal moment of nostalgia - a heartwarming tale about how Fenway Park turned a shy six-year old into a leader of men - here. Below is some more true folklore (at least in the eye of the beholder).
If nothing else, this a great chance to see a few of your favorite sports bloggers really, really date themselves ( Game 3 of the 1986 World Series, a Kirk Gibson game, the John Havlicek retirement game!).
My earliest sports memory was Game 3 of the 1986 World Series at Fenway Park. My father had one ticket to the game (second row centerfield bleachers), but he decided to bring me figuring they wouldn’t deny an 8 year old entrance to the game. He was right, the old man at the gate pulled me up over the turnstyle and let me into the game. I don’t remember much about the game other than the fact that Oil Can Boyd was on the mound for the Sox and shit the bed.
I hope this led to a life of hurdling-the-turnstyle crime for Mr. Don Chavez.
I was 7 years old and we went to see the Salt Lake City Trappers on the 4th of July. I believe Hank Aaron threw the first pitch. I had no idea what was going on, but I knew that there was going to be fireworks after the game. The only thing that I remember is that there was a loud bang that just scared me to death, and I
yelped out my first F bomb. The next moments were in slow motion. My step Dad looked at me and then told my Mother what her son just said. My next memory is having soap in my mouth.
They’ll be other examples of kids blinding loving the watered-down experience (especially when you’re not old enough to drink) that is Minor League baseball..as well as more F-bombs.
For me, probably around 1983-84, at Memorial Stadium to see the Orioles play. My father took my 4 siblings and I to the games to give my mom a break in the evenings. We always got there early to catch balls in the outfield bleachers, and get autographs signed by the players during batting practice. Cal “not overrated” Ripken would sign at every game, and sign for everyone. I have one baseball that he signed for me on four different occasions. When was the last time you saw a ball player spend 45 minutes signing autographs on game day? He is from Baltimore, and is Baltimore and every kid growing up in that era and in that area have Cal Ripken as their first and most lasting memory in Sports.
Touching, let’s hear about an autograph signing gone sour, shall we..
I remember going to a Bullets-Pistons game at the Capital Centre with my dad and one of my friends, around 1990. Well after the game ended, a few of the players including John Salley went down the line of waiting fans to sign autographs. Salley got the group to my right, looked directly at my friend Sean and me, and went directly to the next group on our left. My dad tried to get autographs for us also but he refused to sign for him too. I’ve never been a John Salley fan since.
Then again, if this goes differently, imagine the shame you’d be feeling right now if you grew up loving John Salley…
1986, it must have been. Tony Pena’s last year with the Pirates. I woulda been 2. I remember someone telling me that Pena was up to bat at Three Rivers Stadium…either my dad or the announcer. I was sitting in the nosebleeds, but remember saying “He’s gonna hit a home run,” which he did, to the leftfield seats way below me. Pena’s always been one of my favorite players because of that.
One of the many Red Sox games of my youth also featured a Tony Pena home run - the rarity of which can not be overstated (1,988 games career games - just 107 HRs).
1983, Left Field at Veterans Stadium, sitting in ubstructed view seats, so I actually ended up watching on television screens on overhang, my uncle lectures me, “Just remember that your Godfather took you to see Pete Rose play baseball.” I remembered. Though, I could have seen the same game at home.
I remember going to the Phoenix Firebirds game at Phoenix Municipal Stadium on my brother’s birthday. The Firebirds were the AAA affiliate for the Giants back then and I got to see a bunch of great players come through. But that night I couldn’t have been older than five or six. It was a night game because it’s Phoenix in the summer and you don’t play baseball during the day outside. I remember how packed the place was. Matt Williams was on the team and there was a buzz about him but I didn’t care about that. I just liked the environment of the ballpark. Nothing of note happened (besides hearing my brother’s name announced over the PA) but it was my first trip to the ballpark and I still remember the way the sky looked and the way the mountains made strange shadows on the field.
We were up in the nosebleeds. the place smelled real bad. I remember my science teacher Mr. Coyle was selling beer. Very surreal. On the floor for the Celtics were guys like Pistol Pete Maravich, Dave Bing, I remember they were playing buffalo and ernie d the former braves star but local kid from providence was on the celtics at the time. the place went absolutey nuts for hondo. ab-so-lute-ly nuts. i dont remember the garden ever rocking like that and we had seasons all through the bird years. thats the night my love
affair with the celtics began.
Josh, we can deduce that you were at least in grade school when this game took place - in 1978 - how old are you?
Little background info:
I was born in Bremerhaven, Germany and lived there until 1995 then moved to Olympia, WA.
After living in WA for a few months we went to a Mariners-Yankees game in the 1995 divisonal series playoffs. We went to game 5 of the series so the series was 2-2. It was a great game, we sat in left-center at the Kingdome(old Mariners stadium shared with the Seahawks). Since it was a old stadium, not all the seats were that good but who cares it was game 5. It went to 11 innings that night with my team, the Mariners(who I am still a huge fan of), winning the game 6-5.
My first baseball game: Mariners-Yankees, game 5, 11 innings. Mariners Winning.
This wins the reward for decrepit sporting venue visited in thine youth…whoops, wait a second…
My first live sporting event memory was on a cold October night at the old Tiger Stadium in Detroit. Back when Sweet Lou and Trammel ruled the middle of the diamond and Kirk Gibson was in shape.
My dad had a stache like Jack Morris and it was his first game as well.
It was 1984 and I was 10. The ball park seemed like a magical place despite the scary surroundings of Motown. The bathrooms had long pee troughs like a farm, the floors were dirty and the hand rails were sticky with beer (hoping that was the case).
I remember thinking that the field seemed way smaller than I expected and the grass much greener.
It was a frosty night and I also remember having a lot of hot chocolate to keep my hands warm, more so than enjoying it as a drink.
I don’t remember who the Tigers were playing, nor who won but I do remember Gibson hitting one out of the park and into the lumber yard across the street. It was all anyone was talking about.
I was just glad I did not miss it.
It may not of been the most glamorous place but the old Tiger Stadium will always have a soft spot in my sporting heart.
Back in like 1996 or 1997 the NBA pre-season schedule grabbed a spot in Missoula, MT of all places which happened to be a couple of hours from where I grew up. So my Dad and I and a couple of friends grabbed some tickets and went. The game was between the Sonics and the Grizzlies (Vancouver of course) and was a big deal to us small time Montana folk. Long story short - at some point in the middle of the game, George Karl showed his disagreement with the officiating by dropping an “F” bomb. Now you have to understand how small the arena was and as you can imagine, the entire place heard it, staring back at George in complete shock. George, realized he had been caught, and dropped the sheepiest of all sheepish grins while look around in embarrassment. Classic.
You sure you don’t remember flyfishing first? Because you were probably flyfishing the day before…and every day at 4 a.m. before and after. What is is with Montanadians and the fly fishing, anyway?
And what is it about effin that leave such an impression on the kids? Moving on…
My parents took me to a Yankee game when I was a really little kid. We had great seats on the first base line through my dad’s work. It’s every kids dream to catch a foul ball and on that day, mine came true…well almost did.
It was mid-way through the game when my dad went to get himself and my mom a few beers. When he got to his seat, one of the Yankee players hit a foul ball and it was coming right at us. Without any time to put the beers in each hand down, my father stuck the cup in the air in an attempt to catch the ball. As the ball fell from the sky closer and closer, my dad targeted the ball with the cup. And then, he caught it. Right in his cup. This was a million to one shot. You know that game where you have a ball attached to a cup with a string and you try to catch the ball in the cup? Well this was like that on PEDs and no string. I couldn’t believe he caught the ball.
We didn’t even have a chance to savor the moment. As this miracle catch happened, the asshole behind us was going for the foul as well. The ball didn’t even have a chance to get wet. This dick swatted at the ball hitting my dad’s cup, sending the ball 4 rows in front of us. Unbelievable.
Steve Melfi, who eventually forgave his dad for that fumble last Summer, wishes you all a Happy Father’s Day.
I shouldn’t even give this criminal low-life the satisfaction of being affiliated with one of the great faux criminals (read: realistically, nothing more than one of, if not the, most badass TV characters of recent times), but the look-alike factor is just too staggering not to point out.
See it for yourself, animosity after the jump…
The real reason I’d like to interject The Wire into the conversation, one of the great mantras of show re: doing hard time amongst the convicts on the show was, “You only do two days - the day you go in, and the day you get out.”
Well, here’s hoping those two days of Donte Stallworth’s not-at-all laughably unjust 30-day sentence (30 FREAKIN’ DAYS) for DUI manslaughter are unpleasant and unusually unsettling.
This weekend, I’m making my long awaited return to Fenway Park - a place I haven’t been in over 10 years.
As a young lad, going to Fenway was a yearly ritual. I’m pretty sure my first game was during the 1990 season - the Roger Clemens era, yes, but also the Mike Greenwell and Jack Clark era. That was the season the Red Sox set the record for grounding into the most double plays (174). Now the Sox are better known for records like selling out every seat since 2003.
I’ll never forget that first game though. On the way in, taking the Green Line T from Framingham, MA, my Uncle Ronnie informed me that when someone on the opposing team strikes out you bound out of your seat and yell “Sit Down!” as menacingly and berating as possible. With my hat already nearly pulled fully over my eyes and a glove that may or may not have had velcro capabilities, my uncle probably thought it was more likely that I’d be asleep by the fourth inning.
Well, unless his true intentions were to create the most jawing 6-year old in New England that night, he should have never gave me those instructions. I’m pretty sure the game went into extra innings, and the Redx Sox pitchers K’d the opposition a few times during warm-ups too (how else could I have told no-less than 35 batters to “Sit down!!” - which is what I approximate).
I’m sure there’s backyard whiffle ball or youth league soccer glory from the late-80s documented on a beta-max in the attic, but I can’t really recall that. I remember vividly however giving the Red Sox opponents - let’s call them the Blue Jays (remember how annoying the early-90s Blue Jays were?) - the business though.
In honor of my sure-to-be triumphant return to Fenway…as well as punk little kids everywhere, I’m once again putting the sports blogger intelligentsia to task, and asking bloggers far and wide to send me a brief anecdote on:
