Rain in the Bronx today.

All the Yankee fans who wasted a vacation day to go to the game, I truly feel for you.

Just to be abundantly clear, my baseball season started (a week before yours, last Tuesday) in a bar at 6 a.m. drinking bloody marys, eating pancakes, and sucking down 4,000 milligrams of caffeinated coffee. Not to mention, the game went into extra innings. Always awesome.

…and yours started with rain out, a post-gosh darn-ponement.

I win, and don’t forget that your (damp) Jeter jersey is dry clean only.

And no, I have no idea who Aiden is, but they better be intolerable speed metal, or else.

Weekends, like large breasts, never get old.

I’ve been drinking this bottled water lately.

Found it in Rite Aid, it’s called Crystal Geyser, because Salty Mineral Stream was just too darn pornographic.

Cost me a buck and a half for a liter and a half – bo-nice!

By the way, I’ve been working in Soho, the shopping douche capital of New York City, for a little over a month now, and I’ve only been in one store that wasn’t an eatery, Rite Aid.

I think there actually is a store down here called shoes for douches.

Someone’s got to say it, Garfield minus Garfield is completely unfunny.

??????

This blog claims that if you remove Garfield from all the comic strips, John Arbuckle comes off like a hilarious schizo because its all jovially nonsensical.

False. Just because you remove something from something and now it doesn’t make any damn sense doesn’t make it cleverly schizophrenic…It makes it retarded.

Garfield minus Garfield guy, if we were at a dinner party together. I’d get up from the table, thank you for the chivas, and politely ask you to leave.

…and if we met in a dark alley, and I could ensure no legal ramifications whatsoever, I’d unleash the beating of a lifetime on thy.

Debuting a new feature next week called – The Hotness Binge. Let that marinate with ya for a moment.

I’ve got four of eight Elite Eight teams correct, with a chance to pick up a dastardly perfect eight for eight tonight. Here are my dream picks for tonight’s games:

• Wisconsin over Davidson
• Kansas over Villanova
• Memphis over Michigan St.
• Texas over Stanford

If you think that West Virginia is going to beat Xavier tonight, then we can be friends.

I actually picked Xavier (beating Duke) when I filled out my bracket. The two main reasons I think I left WVU out of this equation:

1.) Bob Huggins is just one of those people I look at and hate for no apparent reason. I don’t think we’d be friends in real life.

2.) I was still bitter about Joe Alexander handling UCONN in the Big East Tournament.

Alexander put up 34, and made Conn’s Stanley Robinson look like a herb, in WVU’s dismantling of the Huskies. And Alexander has been on blistering tear ever since.

Most recently, he scored 22 in the Yokels upset of Duke. And we have reason to believe that the Alexander of late (20+ points in six of his last eight games) will show up tonight against Xavier.

At 6′ 8”, 200+ pounds, and whiter than a Trader Joe’s Wine Shop, does Joe Alexander have NBA potential?

NBA Draft Express has him going #18 in the first round of this year’s NBA Draft, ahead of such notables as Stanford’s Robin Lopez, Memphis’ Chris Douglas-Roberts and UCONN’s Hasheem “Good Riddance Thabeet.

NBA Draft.net doesn’t have him getting picked this year, presumably because they don’t think he’ll come out (a definite possibility). They compare Alexander to Tom Gugliotta on his profile page, and they have him listed in the top-10 (#6 overall) picks in the 2009 draft.

In terms of build, he’s best compared to his vanilla compatriots Tyler Hansbrough and Kevin Love. Alexander has shown evidence of a more superior outside game than Hansbrough and Love, but he definitely (without question) gives something up to these other two phenoms in terms of post play.

On a side note, you throw the Lopez brothers into the mix, and we’re looking at one of the finest white boy drafts that I can remember. And as soon as I figure out how to do it without coming off like an overt racist, I’ll post about this.

Call me a sucker for being too high on a guy’s recent performance, but is Shane Battier or Tayshawn Prince too high of a ceiling for Alexander?

I think if a team spent a first round pick and got that in return, they’d consider it a success.

To be fair, before this season Alexander averaged just over 10 ppg. I also can’t help but be reminded another recent West Virginian who had a late season surge and a gutsy NCAA tournament performance – Mike Gansey – who saw himself go undrafted in 2005.

However, if I’m Alexander, I’d come out now while the stock is high and hope I get hooked up with a competitive team where there’s less pressure and more room to grow. Plus with Kevin Love inevitably going much higher in the draft, he shouldn’t have to worry about shouldering too much of white doofus burden.

At the risk of sounding overly conservative, I think Alexander becomes a formidable six-man in the NBA.

Great article from the NYT’s Pete Thamel on Alexander

What the hell is going on over here?

I wouldv’e taken Emmanuelle Chiriqui with the points, teased up in this match-up, and I did in fact predict she’d carry 95% of the vote.

Right now, she’s only carrying a 54 to 46 percent lead? Against a MySpace girl? Are you kidding me?!

And, what exactly is wrong with these people? Don Chavez, against their better judgment, deemed this girl NOT hot, and she’s only received a 3+ star rating.

To clarify, that girl is definitely hot. And furthermore, there are several people, whom I consider friends, that I would off for a chance to get with Emmanuelle.

My picks for tonight’s games:

• Xavier over West Virginia
• UCLA over Western Kentucky
• Louisville over Tennessee
• North Carolina thrubbing Washington St.

Get a good look at her. This is last time you’ll be seeing Antea Supervista, my spurned bracket wench on here.

MySpace versus Celebrity – I’ll be shocked if Sloan doesn’t win with 95% of the vote

Hottest Student Coeds – After all that hulla-baloo UCLA could only muster #7?

If you didn’t Hate Billy Joel Before – Personally, it’s a toss up for who I feel should be received worse at Shea this summer, Joel or Glavine

Movies With the Most Curse Words - Nice, I’ve seen State Property 2!…OK, that’s a lie.

They look superbly alike.

My buddy Goose pointed this out during yesterday’s Red Sox game. It brought back fond memories of college when I had the baller cable package (that included Nickelodeon Gas) and got to watch Legends at 4 a.m., cross-eyed drunk.

By the way, the only team worth rooting for on Legends is the blue barracudas. Sure, I had friends who rooted for the green monkeys, the silver snakes…most of these people are in jail.

As it would have it, The Olmec were an ancient Pre-Columbian people living in the tropical lowlands of south-central Mexico, roughly in what are the modern-day states of Veracruz and Tabasco on the Isthmus of Tehuantepec. (Via wikipedia).

Make some room in the old vault for that little knowledge nugget.

Ortiz went 0-2 with a walk in the Red Sox 5-1 loss to Oakland this morning. He’s still looking for his first hit on the year.

Several classic Olmec quotes from LHT:

The choices are yours, and yours alone!

“Legends of the Hidden Temple!” with your guide, Kirk Fogg!

According to legend, if you drank from the fountain of youth, did you: see the future, become younger – ?

The player that conquers the most countries in sixty seconds, wins!

I bet Fogg still pulls.

With two runners on and two out in the top of the tenth inning, Manny Ramirez stepped to the plate to face Oakland’s Huston Street.

On the second pitch, Julio Lugo broke for third as Manny fouled off a Street fastball.

ESPN announcers were quick to point out that it is not necessarily a good idea to send the runner from second in that situation as it could distract the batter and break their concentration.

Red Sox fans nationwide were quick to guffaw at the suggestion that Manny’s cranium functions at this high of a level.

Manny then proceeded to drive a ball to deep center field and stand unyielding at the plate watching – as he tends to do on every ball he hits that leaves the infield.

The shot caromed high off the center field wall, scoring runners Lugo and David Ortiz and putting the Red Sox ahead 6-4.

The Sox went on to win 6-5, and Manny was awarded the game’s MVP and a Happy Gilmore movie replica check for one million yen!

…which is just under $10,000.

After receiving the check, Ramirez, couth bastard that he is, said in the postgame interview, “That’s going to be some gas money…I love it.”

Happy MLB ’08 Season!

This looks pretty great. It’s a movie about a small-town Tae Kwon Doe instructor – The Foot Fist Way…

Man, it’s been a rough go for me of late.

First, my bracket goddess – Antea Supervista – left me over the weekend for this guy:

WE’VE GOT ALL EIGHT ELITE EIGHT TEAMS LEFT BABY!

I’m a mess without her.

Then, these tattered pictures of my girl Eva popped up on The Daily Mail (via With Leather)

However, things are looking up. Baseball season herself is less than 14 hours away. And I intend to be at the bar at 6 a.m. to kick it off.

Red Sox vs. Oakland, Tuesday Morning, 6:00 a.m. EST, ESPN2

It’s like novacaine…works every time, just give it time!

(The genius, behind the evil genius)