We’re bending the sounds. I’ve been forging it. With a lyrical smelter.

• The New Old Hotness? Pushball! (Deuce of Davenport)
• Mr. Walk-Off On African Baseball Network (Mister Irrelevant)
• I Can’t Wait for the Remake of Death Race 2000 (on205th)
• Expect a Brutal Game 3 Tonight in L.A. (Cuzoogle)
• Curt Schilling on Kobe: He’s No Leader (The Big Lead)
• The Military is Borrowing NFL Helmet Technology (Shutdown Corner)
• “Screech” to wrestle: AKA Hulk Hogan’s Definition of Celebrity (Gossip on Sports)
• The Greatest Thing You’ll See All Week (With Leather)

…few people I know have seen ‘It’s All Gone Pete Tong’, but like most movies with the description pervasive drugs and alcohol use I gave it a chance. Pretty solid.

Visionary Urologist (is there any other kind?) Floyd Seskin gives you the UroClub. It’s precisely the type of golf club you’d expect a lemon doc to invent…the type you can pee into.

Ever been on the golf course, knocking back a few beers, when nature calls? It may be against club rules to duck into the rough for a leak—that’s why the UroClub, developed by awesome urologist Floyd Seskin, is an answer to your prayers. Just place an inconspicuous towel over your junk, unscrew the cap of the club disguised to look like a 7-iron, and whiz away—up to half a liter. (via Gizmodo).

A life-long golfer, two things I was taught at a young age:

1. Don’t go past parallel on your back swing
2. On the course, the World is your urinal.

Still, hats off to Gizmodo for the post…

We’re thinking the Eureka moment came when Seskin was hanging out in the wide-grip putter section of a Nevada Bob’s Discount Store.

You think I’m joking… I am not joking.

• YouTube Mash-up: NBA Finals And The Dark Knight (Awful Announcing)
• Preserving History: Lord Stanley’s Cup (Hugging Harold Reynolds)
• 33 Redux (The Blowtorch)
• A Real Reason To Root For Big Brown (The Sporting Blog)
• Even Portly, Tyson Has Game With the Ladies (The Big Lead…found via Legends of Cecilio Guante)
• Britches Get Stitches or Hookers Pimp Slapped (Epic Carnival)

… say what you will about Affleck. He kills it in that one scene in Boiler Room and in Good Will Hunting.

I will conclude my expose of the kickball universe whenever the hell folks stop feeding me gold…

Since first posting about the gals of the Tampa Bay kickball league, I’ve received multiple emails and comments from kickball enthusiasts in D.C., Memphis and Quebec; I’m now subscribing to like ten RSS feeds for kickball blogs.

Please keep sending! I assure you that info about kickball glory and prowess will be given as much consideration (at least half the time) as the details about on-field violence and degenerate off-field behavior.

Now get a load of these monkeys…

I first learned about this site from the Gothamist post on the kickballer who was arrested wielding a sword in Macys. Amongst all the potshot comments, a link to a website with an overtly inimical message stuck out – dieyuppiekickball.com.

The site serves as an organizational hub for the Anti Yuppie Kickball Guerilla Front, whose credo reads:

We, the Anti Yuppie Kickball Guerilla Front, do advocate all ridiculous direct action and pranks persuant to the collapse of kickball for Young Professionals in the greater Washington, DC area. For too long have we sat idle while all the chumps, douche-bags, yuppies, and stripey-shirt imported assholes of this town coalesced their power under this banner.

Here’s the conspiracy chart… because when it comes to militant action, there is such as fine line between the rational and the delusional:

Here’s a diagram that details ball-napping, one of the AYKGF’s guerilla tactics… sadly, there are no examples of this on YouTube, and no wikipedia page has been created yet.

…

A recent news item from the site reports that Agent T-Bone has been stripped of rank and privilege and declared excommunicate after admitting joining a Brooklyn kickball league.

A post from October 2007, details the arrest of Agent Inquisitor K, who was later arraigned on several charges including advocating terrorism.

After several google searches for Inquisitor K (…and “terrorism”;…and “U.S. Marshals”;…and “aggravated assault” + “ball-napping”), nothing came up to corroborate the post…shocking. From what I can tell, the title of Inquisitor implies a high-level in the chain or command, more so than both Agent and Conscript.

If you think this might be for you, I’d encourage you to visit the site and check out the Join the Front page. They’ve posted some of their “most righteous application statements”, like:

“Crusaders against banal conformity, accept my service! This plague of idiots must know the stink of a shit bomb; they WILL learn that the ball they enslave exists to smite them in a dodgeball frenzy!”

…personally, I’m trying to envision what would happen to somebody lest they were actually put in jail for some of this.

David Ortiz was placed on the 15-day DL today. When asked about filling in for Ortiz at DH, the genius of shill himself, Manny Ramirez told the Boston Herald:

“I love DH…I’m pretty sure they’re not going to miss my Gold Glove out there [in left]. We’re fine. We’re going to be fine.” (via ESPN.com)

Even MannyRamirez.com only argues that he may not be a gold glove outfielder.

On WashingtonPost.com, Michael Arrington (founder of TechCrunch) writes:

“WuChess, a partnership between Wu-Tang Clan’s RZA and ChessPark, a social network around online chess playing, launches today. It’s the “world’s first online chess and hip hop community” and will also include exclusive videos and mp3 of the “hottest cats in hip hop.”

Like most people of inconsequential intelligent who grew up in the mid or late 90s, I celebrate the catalog of the RZA, the GZA, Ol’ Dirty Bastard (may he rest in peace), et al.

In the same vein, I think I speak for most of the these people when I say that if it comes down to paying $48 bucks a year I’m content to stick with playing Scrabulous on Facebook.

Can’t say I envy anyone trying to launch a niche social network these days.

RZA says he’ll donate a large part of the revenue to the Hip Hop Chess Federation. Adisa Banjoko (CEO, HHCF) posted on the HHCF blog that they are currently looking for donations and sponsorship to hold the second annual Chess Kings Invitational.

The RZA himself currently holds the title. check it out: