The people running the show in Beijing are doing a remarkably good job at making me believe it is going to be difficult to function as a visiting athlete, media member, spectator, or mobilized protester at the Olympics next month.

Part of this foreign relations problem is the nonchalant approach China is taking towards translating, well, anything.

Not to worry though, folks, Yao has got you covered!

You can pick-up The Tao of Yao for just $1.50 USD on EBAY. And then rest assured that the tattoo you get says Champion…instead of Moo Goo Gai Pan.

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I’ll miss you, Manny, you enigmatic bastard…

Daily Links:

Return of the Triple Option! (Digital Headbutt)
“Ex-Pats” Writer Decides To Burn Bridges And/Or Create Elaborate PR Stunt (Awful Announcing)
Michael Jordan, not Jackson, with the Toonsquad Jersey, Funny Video (NESW Sports)
Manny’s not headed to the Packers? Then how ’bout the Marlins? (Big League Stew)
Angelia Jolie Is She The Purfect Catwoman (Behind Blondie Park)
Gilbert Arenas Is Threatening to Outdo the Playboy Mansion (Fanhouse)

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Looks like your standard fare of cirque de acrobatics, and rhythmic gymnastics… along with the recreation of a storm trooper roll out.

It is unclear whether the video’s release was authorised, although it is highly unlikely as there has been a huge security clampdown around the ceremony with Chinese officials closely guarding their secret plans.

The 30 seconds of footage shows kung fu fighters, trapeze gymnasts, a giant earth globe, floating 3D humpback whales and orchestral music. (The Guardian UK)

You ever watch the gut-wrenching pageantry that is the opening ceremony? It’s painful. I don’t think even 3-D humpback whale illusions can save it from it’s inherent tedium.

The Koreans really grifted Beijing with this one. Check out the video here.

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Much like if you preface any potato product with bacon, sour cream, and/or cheddar cheese, adding freestyle in front of any sporting activity immediately grabs my attention.

…with that said, I give you freestyle bullfighting.

After the first 8 seconds, the strategy is essentially: SERPENTINE! SERPENTINE! But the back-flip was pretty cool.

And let the record show that the matador (??) is named Dusty Tuckness and the bull is named E-COLI.

The Red Sox react to the Angels nabbing Mark Teixeira (Deadspin)
Kate Hudson is Single (What Would Tyler Durden Do)
Performancing Ads vs. Blogger (The Sports Dollar)
7 Places Greg Oden Would Rather Be Than Comic Con (Busted Coverage)
Search for the Florida Panthers Ice Dancers Begins (Sports By Brooks)

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The television spot for FedEx Cup 2008 – Sans Tigris, of course – makes me laugh…

/easily amused, sue me.

…It bears mentioning that I aspire to never work anywhere with video conferencing capabilities.

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The Ting Tings were fantastic opening for MGMT on Sunday, and I think I’m in love with their Dublin lass lead vocalist.

…the other band that opened – Black Moth Super Rainbow – was a super waste of my time. See more Tings Tings after the links:

NBC’s Music Lineup For The Olympics (Awful Announcing)
WARREN SAPP ON DANCING WITH THE STARS? (The World of Isaac)
I Hate It When People Say Things (Fire Joe Morgan)
Border Patrol (And One)
Deco: The Definition Of A Dog (Deuce of Davenport)

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MGMT went from covering This Must Be the Place at Zonker Harris (??) Day, to this…

It’s been an upwardly mobile few years for MGMT. It’d be irresponsible not to also embed girls in bikinis getting their slip n’ slide on, which also happened at the McCarren Park pool yesterday.

…Here they are doing Invisible Touch back in their Wesleyan days too. (Collins? Hell yeah)

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NFL Training Camp begins, and looks like the District is off to an irreverent start.

Original Marty McFly Hoverboard On Ebay (Tasty Booze)
The decline of Western Civilization… (on205th)
Australian $5 Million Dollar Blogger (The Sports Dollar)
Man Crawls Over Finish Line In NYC Triathlon (Barstool Sports)
Own your own professional basketball team (Balls Don’t Lie)

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I’m sure that true degenerates will find this completely reasonable. But you’d have to be a real rube to try to win money on this…

Eggycam, a live video feed showing ten eggs in an incubator, is a new internet craze aimed at raising money for charity.

The point of this…to gamble on which egg is going to hatch first. For crying out loud, there’s even odds set up!

After they check the PH levels of each egg, they set the odds.

According to Metro UK, the site is receiving 100 bets per hour! Ken Robertson, of online gambling site PaddyPower.com and the man behind this little venture, should be running the sports book at the Taj.

Hopefully punters will have a cracking win! says Robertson. Kind of sounds like he knows that he’s got his clientele duped.

This is like taking the over in a soccer game. But it is for a good cause, which I hope is the main reason people seem to be wagering on this. All profits go to Down Syndrome Ireland, so if you’re feeling philanthropic today, go drop a G on egg 8 at 13-2 odds.

Gamblers Now Betting on Eggs

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In the interest of full disclosure, I found this through my Natalie Gulbis RSS feed – which is not at all weird or creepy to subscribe to.

Now an aggregate of all the aerial views of her house on the other hand…

I’m purely an advocate of the Gulbis brand, that is sort of creeperish. To be fair, they’re stalking other celebrities on this site, not just the future Mrs. Curly. (For example, Celine Dion lives 1.5 km from Natalie, apparently)

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