I’ll admit, I didn’t love it when I initially learned that all roller girls competed under the guise of nicknames. It breaks a cardinal rule of sports integrity: don’t unnecessarily associate yourself with pro wrestling.

That was before I read any of them however. I believe it was Spinal Tap who said it best when they said, “there’s such a fine line between stupid and clever.” These are clever, in the 80’s porn star and metal groupy (two professions that survive - if not, thrive - today) sense. It’d be an appropriate time to mention that this poll is co-presented by Rafer Alston (formerly Skip 2 My Lu, from And1 Mix-Tape) and Brock Lesner.

I’ve nominated eight fierce, cleverly monikered, Hell on Wheels competitors below for you vote on, one from each of the teams that competed at last week’s WFTDA Roller Derby National Championship. Feel free to write-in other votes in the comments below - whether you’re a roller derby girl, or have a flair for low-brow creativity.

  1. Olivia Shootin John ( Texecutioners, Texas Roller Girls )

  2. Liza Machete ( B.A.D. All-Stars, Bay Area Derby Girls )

  3. Ann R. Kissed ( Rat City Roller Girls )

  4. Amanda Jammitinya ( Munecas Muertas, Duke City Derby )

  5. Beyonslay ( Bronx Gridlock, Gotham Girls Roller Derby )

  6. Yvette Yourmaker ( The Fury, Windy City Rollers )

  7. Shenita Stretcher ( Liberty Belles, Philly Roller Girls )

  8. Trudy Struction ( Trauma Queens, Carolina Roller Girls )