Years from now, I plan to sit my kids down (appropriately after yet another family outing to the local OTB) and tell them the tale of the most dangerous sporting event I ever went to. This story will have nothing to do with the hoards of Yankees-Red Sox games I’ve attended. Even at there most explosive, those games pale in comparison to the 2008 Preakness.

Last year, I did a three-part blog series for Yahoo! Sports chronicling the three trips I made to the sites of the Triple Crown of Thoroughbred Racing. It was an ultimate sports odyssey, only problem is that the second leg in Pimlico has nothing to do with sports (see my full post on The Preakness on Yahoo!)….

After conquering the Derby, I felt sufficiently conditioned to take on the Preakness. But, now, after taking down the Preakness, I’m wondering if I didn’t inadvertently test out of the first year of SWAT school. Louisville gets wild no doubt, but Preakness has one speed: zero to volatility, in an instant. To its credit, the Kentucky Derby was also impressively reckless. This, however, is Gomorrah…

You think I’m joking? I am not joking. Let’s take a look at some of the more memorable moments of Preakness past…

The Sporting Blog reminded us the other day that the Preakness is attempting to rebrand their image, and are allowing no alcohol be brought into the infield. In years past, you were allowed to bring coolers, but they had a strict cans-only policy. Of course, when you got to the checkpoint, they’d make you open the cooler, and would politely furrow about the top layer of ice. You could pack a severed limb in that ice, and no one would be the wiser. Also, how you disposed of your beer cans (whether you even bothered to slug them down) was entirely optional…

And who could forget the famed Running of the Urinals!





Last year, Pimlico decided to stagger the urinal set-up to discourage this. At least, one young man would not be denied. You can see the full slideshow of fail at Deadspin, but here was the outcome…

It’s been reported that the racetrack at Pimlico is fledgling, facing possible bankruptcy. So it will be interesting to see how these new policies affect attendance. The Smart money says that Derby winning jockey Calvin Borel switching horses to ride Rachel Alexandra, this year’s version of Eight Belles - a philly attempting to outmatch the field of male colts; hopefully, she’ll fair better than EB (R.I.P.) - isn’t going to be enough to bring back the cretins, the debauchers, the debasers, the degenerates and the mooks that served faithfully as The Terrorlawn’s base.

I think what they need is for some guy to hit the sure-to-be six figure superfecta. Maybe some guy with a history of failed attempts at pony gambling glory, whose 25th birthday happens to be on Saturday (wink, wink).