In the Holiday hierarchy, I put Fourth of July at a strong #5 (after Halloween, Thanksgiving, New Years Eve and Bulletproof Saturday). It’s a very solid holiday. The three best things about Independence Day in reverse order…

3.) Coolers of Domestic Canned Brews

2.) Freedoms, F#ck yeah

1.) Copious amount of hot dogs, Double F#ck yeah

Fireworks are overrated. In honor of the official wiener holiday, I feel compelled to recognize the athletes that bring showmanship to that upper echelon of arrogance known as hot doggin’ here are your top five in no particular order:

Deion Sanders

Chad Johnson, Steve Smith, his former-teammate and brother in hot doggin’ Michael Irvin, they could all make a case for being the biggest NFL hotdog. In my opinion, Deion was the original and no one did it better.

Deion raises you the “Deion Sanders Hot Dog Express,” Chad.

Ricky Davis

Deion is a great example of why hot doggin’ is not necessarily detrimental to one’s performance. Ricky Davis, is not. He’s basically Wesley Snipes in White Men Can’t Jump playing against better guys. Also, Reggie Miller is my runner-up for basketball hot-doggin’.

Manny Ramirez

Not as much of a cautionary tale of hot doggin’ it as Davis, but pretty damn close. Manny invented and constantly toes the line between hot doggin’ and foolishness. Interested to see if he keeps it up when he makes it back from suspension jail purgatory.

Alexander Ovechkin

The guy scored 52 goals in his rookie season. Plus, Wale made him the first hockey player to be mentioned in a rap song (Do it for the capital, Wale Ovechkin). He can start breakdancing after goals if he wants, if you ask me.

Ronaldo

Kind of a darkhorse for the top five, Ronaldo is actually a hot dog tandem threat.

Hot dog showman on the pitch…

Nice eventual pass out of the box, Fancy Feet.

And hot dog…connoisseur, shovel, black hole. Double points for being a fatty fat fat.

Honorable Mention:

Kobayashi, just because the guy’s sport could be called hot-doggin’. He is probably gonna be like “dude, really?” once he realizes he didn’t make the top five. I personally find his performances to be cerebral at best.

Happy Fourth Everyone!