Put it to you like this: I just picked up Maurice Morris and Jerome Harrison, and they’re both in my starting line-up for Sunday.
That’s after I was unable to pick up Ladell Betts off the waiver wire.
And in the interest of full disclosure, to make room on the roster, I dropped Zach Miller to pick up Maurice (who I opted for over Sammy Morris, in fact) and Earnest P-Funk Graham to pick up Jerome. Which means it took me this long to get rid of both those guys.
However, I’m 3-0, Jack. With a win coming last week off some powerful performances from Gore (0 points), Trent Edward (2 points) and Tim Hightower (0 points). This, as I see it, is indicative of only one thing – that other people in my league are being forced to promote even bigger schlubs than the roster I just laid out in front of you.
In the interest of self pity in a group environment, I invite you to leave your #1 doofus currently in your fantasy starting line-up in the comments…
Preferably players you’ve been forced to pick-up, but this forum is also willing to comfort those plagued by bad drafting (doofuses like Delhomme, Tomlinson).
SIDEBAR: Earnest Graham looking dapper in a tan suit, standing next to a graffiti’d out train on what appears to be a stormy day. Something to ponder.
On September 14, 2009, the great Patrick Swayze lost his battle with pancreatic cancer and passed away too young at the age of 57. Swayze had a prolific acting career, one that inspired his devoted fan base to believe that if anyone could beat this disease it was him (Swayze played a bank robbing surf ninja and villainous sky diving enthusiast in Point Break. Cancer? No problem, compadre). He was diagnosed in January of 2008 with a sickness that most people will succumb to in under a year – he held on for 20+ months. During that time period, his 1989 film Road House was the most broadcast movie on American television in the past year according to Rolling Stone – airing 45 times on AMC, A&E and CMT. Maybe you were lucky enough to flip it on and catch a riveting scene like this…
In lieu of burying Swayze with Dalton’s medical dossier, each Tuesday during football season I’ll be awarding one player the “Pain Don’t Hurt” Award to honor Swayze’s memory. This week’s recipient…Before we get to this week’s award winner, let me just say one thing: dammitall.
One week after Frank Gore rumbled for…well, let’s be honest, what I care about is that he rumbled for 40 points for my fantasy team, Gore pulls – as LL might say in an NFL ad spot – a Frank Gore and goes down for 3 weeks. The curse of the Pain Don’t Hurt Award strikes again.
These recent unfortunate events* for both myself and the San Fran Niners (who become more tragic every week it seems) does make it easier for me to select a player this week from my most hated franchise in the league – the New Jersey Jets.
Mark Sanchez stayed efficient, went for 171 yards passing and two TDs, including that unreal 14-yard rushing TD that was full of both hard-nosed determination and rookie poor decision making.
We’re gonna give Mark the award (cause I’m sure as hell not giving one of these to Favre. Not in this lifetime), but since it really grinds my gears the Jets are a shuttering 3-0, I’ve also got a foolish pic of him up on the SB Facebook page – GO CREATE-A-CAPTION!
*In no way am I rooting for anything physically unfortunate to happen to Mark Sanchez that would jeopardize his playing career, or even further jeopardize his ability to grow a mustache. If, the PDH Award can in anyway cause him to get scolded more (check out: Jets scold Mark Sanchez for putting San-chize at risk with head-first dive), well that I’m all for.
While @Adam_Schefter was busy debunking the myth of @RodneyH37, and subsequently dispelling the rumors of an actual feud between Rodney Harrison and self-proclaimed leader of men Kerry Rhodes (stay savvy, Schefter), something far more compelling was happening in the twitterverse, tweeple…
(Side note: somewhere a kitten was just kicked into a coma because I used “twitterverse” and “tweeple” consecutively.)
The Double J is kind of a live wire. I don’t see him enjoying his nose’s presence on Twitter. Although whoever set this up makes a solid case for a little creative leeway in the bio:
THIS IS *NOT* REALLY JERRY JONES’ NOSE TWEETING. Its just a random, automated script that’s tweeting as his nose. This is satire. Get a sense of humor.
At this time, @jerryjonesnose has a whopping seven followers. Maybe promotional rich media like this will help populate…
Ken Thompson’s athletic CV will make you feel like a cumbersome sack of your preferred… just check out his stats:
Has run a marathon in all 50 states
Has run a marathon in 20 world capitals
Has run marathons on all seven continents
Also, competed in an Iditarod
Also, one time ran 157 miles across Death Valley in the summertime.
I know I’m a lazy waste compared to this guy, who happens to be 72-years old and planning to run the Road Runners Marathon this weekend in Akron, OH.
Thompson is a member of the Oatmeal Millers, a marathon team where the average age is 73. On Saturday, they’ll compete in a five-person team relay marathon – after Thompson passes the baton, he plans to continue on and finish the full 26 miles.
“If you have five 20-somethings, that’s almost 100 years between them,” Thompson said. “With us, it’s over 365 years. We hope to finish in the top half of the relay teams and beat some of these younger guys.”
Forgot to mention his self-proclaimed “shortest run” ever – against the bulls in Pamplona. (This guy is a sicko. What a legend.)
At the time of me scribing this piece of inconsequence, incarcerated Boston Red Sox fan Randy Aaron Baker is preparing for his temporary release from Van Buren County Jail so that he can attend today Sox game against the Royals in Kansas City.
Randy Aaron Barker is serving a 10-day jail sentence for interference with official acts and violation of a protective order. He is also a big fan of the Boston Red Sox.
According to the Ottumwa Courier story, Barker’s attorney, Margaret E. King, Barker petitioned the court to allow him to attend the Red Sox game in Kansas City with his father and brother. They have had long-term plans to attend, King told Magistrate Judge Benny Waggoner.
Baker is set to return late tonight or tomorrow to the clink – whenever, right? What’s an “official act” anyway?
There’s a word in the quote that seems both appropriate, yet glaringly absurd. Petition. As in, some judge spent the time to hear a petition for a short time criminal to go to a baseball game – and a meaningless one at that. The lawyering time would have been better spent coming up with some sort of fining scale to be levied against people who buy tickets to Royals games in September.
Just goes to show you, for every Midwest magistrate being run roughshod by unbridled serial killers acting out of boredom, there’s lawmen who have too much time on their hands.
Baseball Fan Released From Jail To See Game (KCCI.com)
On September 14, 2009, the great Patrick Swayze lost his battle with pancreatic cancer and passed away too young at the age of 57. Swayze had a prolific acting career, one that inspired his devoted fan base to believe that if anyone could beat this disease it was him (Swayze played a bank robbing surf ninja and villainous sky diving enthusiast in Point Break. Cancer? No problem, compadre). He was diagnosed in January of 2008 with a sickness that most people will succumb to in under a year – he held on for 20+ months. During that time period, his 1989 film Road House was the most broadcast movie on American television in the past year according to Rolling Stone – airing 45 times on AMC, A&E and CMT. Maybe you were lucky enough to flip it on and catch a riveting scene like this…
In lieu of burying Swayze with Dalton’s medical dossier, each Tuesday during football season I’ll be awarding one player the “Pain Don’t Hurt” Award to honor Swayze’s memory. This week’s recipient: Frank Gore of the San Francisco 49ers.
On Sunday, Frank Gore was Loaded like a freight train. Flyin’ like an aeroplane, so to speak. GNR reference.
In self-serving Fantasy Football news, this brute’s 207 yards on 16 carries and 2 TDs scored me 40 points, and has moved me to rename the team “Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank.” I’m excited. Check out that pair of touchdowns here – the second coming on an 80 yard scamper to start the second half…
That first touchdown run, a lackadaisical 79 yards. He joins Barry Sanders as the only RB to have two 70+ yard TD runs in one game in NFL history.
Gore suffered an ankle sprain in the second half versus the Seahawks. The X-rays came back negative and he’s listed as probable for this Sunday’s contest against the Vikings.
Thanks to everyone who voted in the What’s The Greatest Sports Day of the Year? poll. The results are in and posted – wait for it – at my new posterous blog.
Unnecessary redirect of the year.
But seriously, if you’re up on Posterous you should subscribe to me, and we can communicate as friends in yet another rambunctious internet hippodrome – I plan to post about this year’s zombie pin-up calendar there later on.
One hint, the day that received 47% of the votes partially relates to this event happening soon that’s going to be badass – http://www.secbigeastinvitational.com
HALIFAX — Twenty years of chasing a little white ball around a golf course culminated this week in five dizzying days of excitement for Adam Sams.
The 34-year-old lobster fisherman has hit three holes-in-one since Friday at the Highlands Links course in Cape Breton, one of Canada’s most famed public courses.
“It’s pretty amazing. We’ve never seen anything like that around here,” says Joe Robinson, the Links’ pro, who has worked at the historic course in Cape Breton Highlands National Park for 38 years.
The full story reports there was foul language usage and Jack Daniels drinkage (good form, CanWestNews Service, good form).
As a golfer who would love like any other golfer to do this once before I die, I find Sams’ quote zen-like:
“The sun was shining in our eyes, so I saw the ball roll towards the hole, but I couldn’t tell if it had gone in,we didn’t really know until I got up to the green…My first reaction was: ‘There’s eight guys I’ve now got to buy drinks for.’ “
No art on the Canuck miracle lobsterman Adam Sams yet, but I’ve got a picture in mind.
Leading up to this past weekend’s inception of the 2009-10 NFL season, I polled the sports blogosphere on What’s the Greatest Sports Day of the Year. Thought we’d get a top-10 out of it, but it turns out everybody sort of likes the same days with a few wild cards thrown in. (Actually, just The Indy 500 sort of puzzles me.)
Therefore, here’s my highly arbitrary Top-5 based on the sports blog intelligentsia’s feedback.
Don’t forget to vote at the bottom…
NFL Opening Sunday
Hanging out in a bar or ensconced on a couch with onion dip for 8-12 hours on a Sunday watching pro football is a truly iconic American experience. We wait all Summer for that experience, the whole time left to believe that sort of behavior is inappropriate and lethargic. Then, on a faithful Sunday in September – no matter what level of balmy Indian Summer weather we’re having – all your dreams come true, sloth. And, it’s not just one day, but the start of 5+ months of Sundays like this.
Here is Adam Best’s (Fansided.com) take on NFL opening day…
Not only is the NFL the professional sports league with the best product, it’s the sports league with the best presentation. After waiting for over half a year for the real thing, you get a taste of actual NFL regular season action on opening Thursday. That just wets your appetite for the 13 games on the Sunday slate. From tailgating to fantasy football, there isn’t a sports day that offers this much from start to finish. Christmas in September. Watching the Red Zone Channel for almost 7 hours before you switch over to NBC for the encore, and ESPN and the NFLN for the nightcap recap. From 8 AM until Midnight it’s all NFL. You can’t get non-stop action and highlights like that anywhere else.
The Kentucky Derby
I’ll take the sights at the local OTB on the day of the Kentucky Derby over any exploding fireworks spectacular. If they put an OTB there, even Mayberry would look like public squalor on Derby day. Utterly, fantastic.
But, to quote something The Cincinnati Kid Steve McQueen might have said – it’s not just the gambling, it’s also the drinking. You can muddle fruit everyday of the year, and it’ll never taste as well muddled as in a julep on Derby Day.
Also, you can wear a seersucker suit or a hat shaped like an extra large Triple Meat Italiano from Pizza Hut every day of the year, and people will always look at you with vague condescension, but at least on Derby Day they’ll have formulated an explanation as to why you’re dressed like a doofus.
The NBA Draft
I got more responses that read I know it sounds crazy, but I really enjoy the NBA Draft. Why so ashamed?
Two rounds, five minutes a pick (two minutes in the second round even), and all the wardrobe audacity that you could ask for in under three hours. I don’t think ESPN could get a more efficient display of unintentional comedy if they got Keyshawn, Kruk and Lou Holtz to tri-anchor SportsCenter live from Pamplona at the Running of the Bulls.
Opening Day
Answer: The first day when teams play each other in this sport is commonly referred to as Opening Day.
What is baseball, Alex. This would be a $200 dollar question in Jeopardy round. Under the category: Sports, amateur hour.
There’s a reason it’s Opening Day, and not Opening Sunday in the norms of society. And, the explanation might be that this is actually the greatest sports day of the year.
Hope springs eternal. Dads with their sons playing hookie from school and work, your first smells of the fresh cut infield and outfield grass, grilled ballpark franks, batting practice and ice cold beer…and then you go home that night to watch march madness…perfection.
The first or second day of the NCAA Tournament:
I used to work with a guy who took Thursday and Friday of the NCAA tournament off every year, and went to Vegas with his buddies for the first round of the tournament. In a world where most of us lose vacation time do to sinister company policies, he’s an inspiration.
Interchangeably known as the least productive day of the corporate year, sports fans might actually be at their best and brightest these two days. There are 13 games on NFL Opening Sunday, and due to mitigating circumstances (spreads, fantasy players, food comas) you’re bound to let the outcome of one or two slip until Sport Center, Monday morning. Also, due to occurrences like Opening Day: Kansas City at Baltimore, you’re likely to not care about the full MLB slate on April 1. 32 teams play on each of the first two days of the tournament, and you will know the fate of every single one (and you won’t need to reference a fistful of sports book tickets to conjure up this knowledge).
Hit the poll to vote for the greatest sports day out of these five, and check out some other bloggers’ takes below…
1. Super Bowl Sunday
2. Opening Day Baseball
3. Game 7 ( MLB or NBA )
4. NFL Championship Sunday NFC AFC
5. The Big Dance Day 1
6. The Big Dance Final 4
7. The Big Dance Sweet 16
8. First Saturday of NCAA Football
The best sports day of the year for me is New Year’s day. I love college football and having it to watch from 11:00 in the morning until after midnight engrooses me every single year. The first two days of the NCAA Basketball Tourney run a close second, and baseball opening day is third.
This is going to sound ridiculous, but one of my favorite days has always been the NBA All-Star game day/weekend. My birthday always happens to fall on that same weekend so I get to celebrate my bday along with my favorite sport’s all-star festivities.
