“2009, what a shrew bitch, right?” ~ Malia Obama.

Kidding, I don’t really know Malia like that.

Anywho, it’s the last gasp of the first decade of the greatest century in someone’s history, everyone’s just not sure it’s going to be them. Whether you look back on 2009 like it’s a grotesque animal. Whether the last year left you feeling like you’re part of an empire of dust. Whether you’ve got no prospects or career opportunities or affordable health care. Whether you think you’re fighting for a lost cause. Or whether you believe a change is gonna come, listen to these 8 songs and kiss 2009 goodbye.

Cause as my main man, Darryl Hall, says: She’s gone, and I’d pay the devil to replace her.

Of Montreal – The Past is a Grotesque Animal

Beck – Lost Cause

N.I.N. – Hurt

The Clash – Career Opportunities

Ry Cooder - How Can a Poor Man Stand Such Times and Live (written by Blind Alfred Reed)

Beatles – I’ve Got a Feeling

Sam Cooke – A Change Gonna Come

Hall and Oates – She’s Gone

Remember when the Beatles said Everybody had a hard year, Everybody had a good time…and them some other stuff about wet dreams, etc.? You were probably too young. God knows I was, but I have heard that song, and I think that lyric pretty well sums up those of us who grinded it out on the blogging circuit in 2009. Guess we’ll have to wait until 2010 to quit our day jobs, comrades (kudos to those who actually did quit their day jobs).

To close out 2009, I asked a few of my fellow members of the sports and pop culture blogging intelligentsia to send me their best post from 2009. I’m proud to say that I at least retweeted most of these when they first went live, and had a chance to go back and re-read. This list revisits Barry Bonds, Brett Favre, cartoon characters who juiced, and the seemingly insurmountable number of Harry Potter-lookalikes in the sporting world.

Kind of makes the Huffington Post Year in Review look like remedial English, amirite?

I didn’t pick a best post myself, but my favorite post – or should I say community organizing effort – by another blogger came from Yardbarker’s Alana G back in late November, who through her site campaigned MTV Jams to air a Tiger Woods video playlist. I never did follow up, and ask if they played my submission (Usher – Confessions, Part II), did I?

Check out the rest of the links below. I hope this leaves you feeling good, looking towards the future.

Big League Stew (Jan. 16, 2009) With your help, we can bring Barry Bonds back to baseball

Gunaxin (Jan. 21, 2009 ) 2010 Winter Olympics Ice Hockey Preview

Major League Jerk (April 3, 2009) The WonderPets Teach Joe Flacco How to Avoid Double Coverage.

P.S.A.M.P (April 10, 2009) Everyone’s Getting Playoff Beards For The Penguins

Bugs & Cranks (April 27, 2009) The Wizard Of Copping A Feel: Ozzie Smith & Alyssa Milano’s Boob

Pippen Ain’t Easy (April 28, 2009) KG: Got the Ring, Still No Class

Sports Rubbish (June 14, 2009) Harry Potter Look-A-Likes In The Sports World

Midwest Sports Fans (June 14, 2009) What I Learned During the Most Bizarre Week of My Life

Paneech.com (June 19, 2009) Top Ten Cartoon Characters That Juiced

My Sports Rumors (June 23, 2009) Transformers – Revenge of the MLB Fallen

Yep Yep (June 25, 2009) Before They Were Music Stars

Zoner Sports (June 30, 2009) “The Real All-Time Home Run List”

Babes Love Baseball (July 16, 2009) Voodoo Sabermetrics: Milton Bradley

Joe Sports Fan (July 20, 2009) The United States has a National Slow-Pitch Adult Softball Team.

Global Sports Fraternity (August 5, 2009) Mets Trap

Hugging Harold Reynolds (Sep. 17, 2009) D.C BUREAU EXCLUSIVE Special Investigative Report: Mark Grace = Life Coach

Fansided (October 1, 2009) A Beer For Every NFL Team

The Viking Age (Oct. 2, 2009)  Smack Talk Friday: Burning [Brett Favre’s] Jersey? Really?

Epic Carnival (Oct. 8, 2009) The 25 best Sports Illustrated swimsuit videos of all-time

7th Inning Stache (Dec. 1, 2009) Barry Bonds MLB HOF Mustache

NESW Sports (Dec. 8, 2009) Luc Longley Craves Attention, Shrimp

Guyism (Dec. 2009) Couple making porn to pay for their wedding

….


If I missed you, leave a link to your best post from 2009 in the comments. Happy New Year folks!

By this time next week, the first week of NFL playoff match-ups will be abundantly clear, and the media landscape will be lousy with speculation – prediction: an unnecessary amount of people picking Philly or Dallas to make a dark horse Superbowl run. As it stands right now, 10 of 12 teams are at their very least in, with two spots in the AFC no less than wide open. Of those 10 teams, seven are playing games in the last week of the season that have some sort of playoff implications. Even so, after the Colts conceded victory vs. the Jets on Sunday, one can’t help but wonder who of the teams that are in regardless plan to rest their starters in the final contest of the regular season.

As I see it, you can eliminate three teams from that debate instantaneously, and a few others fairly quickly. The top seeds in their respective conferences, New Orleans and Indy, each backed their way into resting their starters in Week 17. And San Diego didn’t have to earn it – and they did beating up on Tennessee – but with a firm hold on the #2 seed they’ll sit their first string too.

The obvious candidates to play their starters this Sunday are Philly and Dallas, who meet to decide who takes the NFC East title. It’s just as much of a no-brainer for Minnesota and Arizona to put their starters out there. Minnesota needs to win to stay eligible for a bye. If a few things fall into place (MIN loss, PHI loss), Arizona can play their way to a bye to the following week.

That leaves three teams to consider – New England, Cincinnati and Green Bay. All three of these teams are playing a game on Sunday that affects the playoff picture, just not necessarily in a huge way personally. None of these teams have a chance at a bye, and Green Bay has no chance to get higher than a fifth seed. For New England and Cincy, on the surface it’s really only a question of rest – beneath the surface it’s a question of how bad do we not want to go into Indy in the divisional round?

Here’s the brief on GB, NE and the Queen City’s match-up on Sunday, and the context of each. Hit the poll at the bottom on who you think most needs to rest their starters on Sunday:

New England

vs. Houston

Implications:

Houston needs to win to get in. And realistically, they need so much help that the round-the league scoreboard will garner as much attention as Tom Brady and Randy Moss. The third seed in the AFC is New England’s to relinquish with a loss and a Cincinnati win. However, at this point it’s hard to wish for a second-round jaunt to the left coast to face San Diego over a rematch with Indy, who’ll be dusting off considerably for that divisional game.

I say sit the A-team at half time, Bill – who, ever the contrarian, called a QB dive with Brady twice on the final drive vs. Jacksonville on Sunday, up 35-7 in the fourth.

Cincinnati

vs. Jets

Implications:

Jets win, and their in. And with the Jets playing at home and the master of their own destiny, Cincy can count on getting the Jets’ best punch in the mouth. Still, if the Bengals knock out the Jets and a few other chips fall their way (NE loss, BAL win), they could be set-up to take on Baltimore in the first round, who they swept in the division during the regular season. Sounds complicated, but really it’s really as simple as living by the out-of-town scoreboard – if at any point New England wraps up Houston and that third seed is, pull Palmer.

Green Bay

vs. Arizona

Implications:

Arizona wins, and Minnesota and Philly lose, the defending NFC champs all of a sudden earned a week off, which is great for them, but does it really do anything for Green Bay? Rodgers and crew are looking at the 5th or 6th seed regardless of what happens on Sunday. But somehow, other than New Orleans, they’ve managed to have the least to play for this week. And, it’s almost a sure thing, that no matter where they’ve got to go in the first round, they’ll face a third or fourth seed that either played their way or got themselves beaten down into that position. May not hurt to be the rested team in that scenario.

…

My smart money prediction: Green Bay conducts business as usual, and plays the starters, New England and Cincinnati pull the first string at half time.

Vote for the team you most think should rest their starters this week in the poll below.

Taking this opportunity to wish everyone good tidings, and comfort and all that jazz. Hear one of my favorite Christmas tunes from the Kinks below, but first…

For the young and impressionable and those looking to write among you, wanted to announce that I’m looking to add contributors to Steady Burn in the new year. Even wrote up a fancy job description for it:

Position: Steady Burn Contributing Blogger

Requirements: Cursory knowledge of the English, and the ability to quasi-piece its wordage into sentences, w/o pissing people off too hard; good writing skills. Additionally, should have a strong knowledge of social media, particularly how to navigate and promote content using social news sites (Digg, Reddit, Stumble Upon, etc.). Additionally, moderate (…to obsessively heavy) usage of Twitter and Facebook a must. A strong rapport with other sports and entertainment bloggers a plus. Oh, and if you morally or otherwise object to using the WordPress platform, stop reading now.

Responsibilities: Contribute 3-5 blog posts (300-500 words) per week to the site. Topics to vary from sports, pop culture and entertainment, music, film <<< ya know, sh#t people are engrossed by. Writer is responsible for researching and developing their own posts – there will be no assignments whatsoever. Person will also be expected to share and syndicate their own content via their social networks.

Compensation: A share of the proceeds from ad revenue (I’m not joking)

About the Website:

Steady Burn is a site dedicated to sports, pop culture and rock n’ roll. I started Steady Burn in late 2007 as a personal blogspot sports blog, and it has since grown into a visible entity in different sports and entertainment social media communities online. Initially focused on fringe sports culture (roller derby, kickball, etc.), in recent times, we’ve grown to encompass a wider range of topics – pop culture, web culture/social media, entertainment, music, bacon, white collar boxing, etc.

Steady Burn has been linked to by leading online websites including SI.com, Yahoo! Sports and Yahoo! Music, ESPN.com, USAtoday.com, as well as sourced in traditional media outlets (Arkansas Press-Democrat, Chicago Tribune).

I’ve worked vigilantly the past 18-months to increase the visibility of the site, and am interested in working with enthusiast individuals who want to help continue to do so through helping to generate more content on Steady Burn.

Apply: If you want this, if you really want this, you call me on Monday and we’ll talk…ok, email me and we’ll talk: mikeehayes@gmail.com


On applying, if I know you or you’re referred by a close confidant, you won’t actually have to apply (like this gentleman). Just email me that you want in, and it will be made so.

Happy Holidays! Enjoy the yuletide stylings of The Kinks performing ‘Father Christmas’.

I just did gift inventory, I’m about 50% done with Christmas shopping. It’s December 22, which means for about the eighth straight year I’ve set myself up for a Christmas Eve and Festivus filled with last-minute shopping agonizing pain. For those of you who are like me and have had that part of your frontal lobe (the part that triggers around Thanksgiving and says: hey, jerk, go buy gifts for your loved ones) removed, I’ve put together a last second gift guide to help you out.

And since I’m vastly under-qualified to give this sort of advice, and there were no elves around to kidnap and hold hostage in return for information, I’ve enlisted comedian Heather McDonald (The Chelsea Lately Show) to give advice as well.

Being the last second gift guide, all of our suggestions are from easily accessible places like CVS, Walgreens, Lowes, or can be bought online. If you want really good advice, check out the MasterCard Priceless Gift Finder, where you can earn free MP3 downloads on the purchases you make.

The Dave and Busters Eat and Play Combo ($15)

Heather:

This is the perfect gift because if your kids are anything like mine they don’t sit at tables so why not let them play games instead of lying on the germ-infested floor.  Also Dave and Busters has the kind of food my kids like — void of vegetables.  That’s right.  My kids don’t eat vegetables (how they are surviving, I have no idea).  I also have no idea why they are not obese to point where their only means of transportation is forklift, but they are not, so therefore I don’t worry about it until I’m at someone else’s house and am forced to bring my own bag of frozen corn dogs because I know they won’t eat what is being served, which is really embarrassing.

Connect 4 2.0? ($19 from Target)

Heather:

I love Connect 4 because Beyonce claims to be a champ at it and Beyonce and I are a lot alike. Since there are five of us in my family I like that four players can play and only one person will feel left out as opposed to three. It looks a little difficult but I feel confident that I can still beat my seven-year old son because I take losing pretty badly.

Rival Crock Pot ($15.87 from Lowes)

Mike:

Here that bustling in your hedgerow out back? That’s a Lowes being put in. Where’d they all come from suddenly? Is this company Canadian? There’s three in Queens for godsakes – not exactly the home & garden capital or the World.

Anyway, walk down the block to one of your local Lowes and pick up a slow cooker.

Parents, nothing says I have a 40% confidence in your kids (between the age of 20 – 35) to fend for themselves like a crock pot. Slow cookers are also like the home goods equivalent of the Red Rocket BB gun. There’s a level of special adolescent danger. Just this past Sunday morning at 4 a.m. we threw 11 lbs. of pork shoulder in the thing and then passed out for nine hours – we had delicious pulled pork and a story to tell later that day.

The Golf Range Finder ($429 from Best Buy)

Heather:

I think this is the perfect because my husband leaves to play golf every Saturday morning for anywhere between three and 13 hours, and his cell phone doesn’t work so maybe this could help me find him.  I am assuming this gift is for golf widows who want to find their husband and yell at them.  I am definitely putting this at the top of my list.

Rub My Duckie Christmas Ornament ($27.99 from Walgreens)

Mike:

I’ll be honest, I thought Heather was going to take this one. Then she went and selected the range finder. Awesome.

All I can say about this is for years I’ve thought, what do my Christmas tree ornaments need? And the answer: more sexy sex. Which of course is barely achieved by a vibrator disguised as a rubber ducky in a Christmas orb.

Also, if you’re still pondering clicking the link, the last line of the description reads: “…and Grandma is none the wiser!”

Creepy sidebar: Every chain drug store website has a sexual wellness section.

Going Rogue ($17.39 from Borders.com)

Heather:

This book is the perfect gift because Sarah Palin has great hair. I’m sure there has got to be at least one chapter on how to get the perfect carmel highlights or at least a “tell all” chapter about how she wore a “Bump-it” hair piece on the infamous Katie Couric interview.

Twilight Saga New Moon ($25 from Big Lots)

Mike:

All the parents who love their angst-ridden tweens unconditionally have probably already snatched up all the Twilight rubbish, but I’ll wager that many lack the vision to go to Big Lots to procure it.

Without even an inkling of intel into the gameplay, I can only hypothesize that after a Monopoly-sized duration the winner turns into a vampire who will then jealously feast on the blood of their friends who got the video game on blu-ray for PS3.

First Check Home Cholesterol Test ($19.99 from CVS)

Heather:

This is the perfect gift especially if you choose to take the test right after you consume a huge Christmas dinner just so you feel extra disgusting.  It tells you in that special way that you are in fact slowly killing yourself.  It is also fun to take to the DMV and test out on total strangers in the hopes of making you feel better about your own cholesterol number providing theirs is higher.  It should come with a tub of “I can’t believe it’s not butter” and some Egg Beaters. Then it would really be a package.

Lotto Tickets (Various prices at your local gas station)

Mike:

Heather may not agree with this, but I find the commercials advertising lotto tickets on par with the Zales commercials in terms of romance. Nothing says I love you so much, I stopped at BP on the way over like a Pick 4, Cyrano.

White Diamond Body Radiance Perfumed Body Powder ($12.99 from CVS)

Mike:

Equally common to sexual wellness at pharmacies, is the gifts for him and her, which is all perfumesque product. This is my perceived worst of the bunch – that $12.99 price tag is like a cancer warning.

Sidebar: If I could wax philosophical on perfumes and colognes in pharmacies and drug stores. They keep them mostly in front of the store by the register, why? That’s your point of purchase display strategy, CVS? Just something to think about next time your searching far and wide through the store for the combos.

You know you’re poor at Fantasy Football when your team’s most harrowing performance of the year comes from a middling running back in Week 15 of the NFL Season, or as far as your fantasy team is concerned – the second round robin round of the consolation ladder. Also, you left this player on your bench (where he belonged for most of the season).

Mostly underwhelming all year, Jerome Harrison was truly unstoppable yesterday in the Browns’ win over Kansas City, grabbing 286 rushing yards and three touchdowns. Even more impressive, he shattered Jim Brown’s previous team record of 237 yds. Most impressive, that’s 52 fantasy points. As such, a performance of this magnitude can’t help but make me question: undrafted keeper in 2010?

Conflicted isn’t the right word, but it’s the first word that comes to mind.

Wish You’da Had Harrison Huh? (AZ Star)

Fantasy Football Wrap: Jerome Harrison’s Shocking Explosion (Fanhouse)

WK 15: Jerome Harrison highlights (NFL.com)

(Photo via)

True nerd alert: I love streaming internet radio. I really do. I’ll even go as far to keep a post-it on my desk so I can note the names of bands who I’d like to check out further on their Myspace page. It’s sort of the 2.0 version of listening to the radio on a tape deck boombox and recording the songs that you like on a Memorex (born in the 1980s alert).

No online station gave me as much streaming enjoyment in 2009 as WOXY. Primarily, because it streams the best on my questionable internet connection at work. Most people however who rep online radio stations put WOXY, based out of Austin, TX in the upper echelon of those living online that play independent bands too (KEXP, KCRW).

Yesterday on WOXY’s blog The Futurist they announced the availability of their Best of SXSW 2009 Lounge CD, a collection of tracks recorded at last year’s festival at James Stevens at EAR studios in Austin, Texas.

2009 was another great year for music in the WOXY Lounge. And it was another great year for our lounge recordings during SXSW 2009 as well. We were back at EAR studios again this year for a new record 27 live sessions.

The CD will be available later in the week, but you can download 12 tracks from the WOXY Lounge on The Futurist now, including tunes from the Mother Mother, Mt. St. Helens Vietnam Band, and the reigning kings of coming up with song titles, the Future of the Left – get ‘Arming Eritrea’ on Futurist; see also ‘You Need Satan More than he Needs You’ ‘adeadenemyalwayssmellsgood’ and ‘I am Civil Service’  by FOTL on their MySpace.

The music portion of this year’s SXSW runs from March 17-22, and I’m sure the WOXY folks are hard at work going through this ever-growing list of showcase bands at the 2010 festival, which is already 466 names deep.

If I was in Zun Zun Egui, I’d immediately change the name of the band to Aardvarks.

Everyone loves a good fight scene. But you know what most good fight scenes lack? An awesome song to go along with it. Right? Right?

But have no fear, for I’ve found seven movies that know how to treat a fight scene.

The Last Dragon – The Last Dragon Anthem, Dwight David

First off, if you don’t own this movie you can’t possibly be human. And if you do own this movie and you don’t know this song by heart, you can’t possibly be human.

Karate Kid – You’re the Best Around, Joe Esposito

I don’t need to explain this one. It’s Daniel LaRusso and Kobra Kai (says, No Mercy!) fighting to “You’re the Best Around”. I know you know all the words to this song. You don’t have to admit it.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Secret of the Oooze – Ninja Rap, Vanilla Ice

Ok, I can explain……

You know what? Screw it.

I know this song word for word. And you know what else? This song is awesome. There. I said it.

Rocky III – Eye of the Tiger, Survivor

Boxing is fighting, right? Good. Since we’re allowing boxing, there’s no way I could make this list without “Eye of the Tiger”. Absolutely no way.

Office Space – Still, Geto Boyz

This isn’t a fight per se, but only because the fax machine doesn’t fight back. But there are weapons involved and you can never go wrong with a Geto Boys song, so it makes the list. Deal with it.

I’m Gonna Git You Sucka – Kung Fu Fighting, Carl Douglas

One of my favorite movies of all time. In this classic clip, Kung Fu Joe roughs up a few cops while, wait for it………”Kung Fu Fighting” is playing. Does it get any better than that?

Charlie’s Angels – Smack My B*tch Up, Prodigy

Ah, Charlie’s Angels. Ah, Charlie’s Angels. Ah, Charlie’s Angels. Gotta give this movie mad props. They could’ve just left it at 3 beautiful women kicking tail. That would’ve been good enough. But they went the extra mile and dropped a track like “Smack My B*tch Up” in the middle of 3 beautiful women kicking tail.

Does information from “a source close to the band” constitute what exactly? A substantiated rumor? What’s code here? If the source is legit, then soon enough I suspect we’ll hear the brutal truth that the oft-conflicted by stardom John Frusciante has indeed left the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

The rumors started percolating yesterday in the blogs that Frusciante is no longer with the band and would be replaced by the enigmatic Josh Klinghoffer, oddly enough someone who’s most notable for his collaboration with Frusciante. As recently as a few hours ago, however, the headlines still read Frusciante Quits Chili Peppers?

All speculation aside, for those interested in a deeper dive into who exactly Josh Klinghoffer is, he’s got stats. Along with playing with Frusciante – including the two recording an album together, A Sphere in the Heart of Silence – Klinghoffer has been linked to records and tours with Beck, Butthole Surfers, Gnarls Barkley and PJ Harvey to name a few. Him and Frusciante also hooked up with John Lally from Fugazi to record two albums under the name Ataxia.*

If you want to get real granular with your rock analysis, he’s got that thin, disheveled weirdo look down pat, which bodes best for fitting in RHCP; see Frusciante, Hillel Slovak. (DN, sorry hombre.)

We’ll have to wait for something hard confirmed from the band before writing this one in stone – maybe a good opportunity for Flea or Kiedis to sign up for Twitter? Until then, check out some videos below from Klinghoffer’s body of work and check out the madness that this guy would be bringing to the table.

Josh Klinghoffer w/ John Frusciante Live in San Diego

Red Hot Chili Peppers “This Velvet Grove” (Klinghoffer on second guitar)

Butthole Surfers “Dracula From Houston” (Klinghoffer on guitar)

The Bicycle Thief “Hurt” (Klinghoffer on lead acoustic axe)

Ataxia – The Sides

John Frusciante Makes A Predicted Departure (Antiquiet)

*Some information found via Wikipedia

Like his Washington Wizards teammate and blogging kinsman Gilbert Arenas before him, Brendan Haywood has decided to retire from the blog game. When he started out blogging for Yardbarker earlier this year Haywood, the self-proclaimed Bad Guy, hoped to openly express his opinions w/o having to worry about people calling up the organization and inquiring as to why exactly he wants to buy Backstreet Boys records for Elin Woods? Well, as Victor Mancini would say, Hope is just a stage of your life (or blogging career) that ends – and can be seemingly be expedited when you support Mike Vick.

Haywood goes out on his Yardbarker blog saying…

I’ve had a great time blogging, interacting with the fans and letting yal know my points of view on different dicey topics but with the way this season has gone –at this point, I don’t want anything written about me that’s not basketball related. When you’re winning and you’re on top, you can really speak your mind and put your thoughts out there. When you’re losing and trying to stay afloat, you’ve got to know when it’s time to be seen and not heard.

I know some of my blog topics have been controversial but I just felt like writing a boring blog about how I went to the gym and got a certain amount of shots up just wouldn’t cut it. I tried to keep yal on the cutting edge and really let yal know what’s going on in my mind and it was hard to do at times. It was hard because a lot of times when you make comments, people really blow them out of proportion and interpret them in a lot of different ways than you originally meant them. Gilbert Arenas told me that it would be like that when I first started blogging but I guess I had to see for myself. I was amazed at how people cold really misinterpret my words!

Haywood won’t be concluding his blogging career on the heels of his own Blogger of the Year award like predecessor, Agent Zero. He did get 234 comments (not all negative too) on that Elin Woods post though. And speaking of comments, those who left comments on his retirement announcement post are mostly sad to see him go – there’s only six comments, but that’s six more than I’d probably get if I retired from blogging. Even Buster Douglas stopped by with some kind words for Haywood:

Dag, just when I was going to ask you for four Cavs floor seats!!!

Take care Brendan, now who’s going to fight with Chantelle’s?

Truly understand that people are going overboard.

I agree with not just blogging about your sport, because you want to show people who you really are.

Thanks for keeping it real!

Just another case of blogging bringing 7-footers and former Heavyweight champions together as brothers.

The legacy that is Washington Wizards blogging moves on to rookie JaVale McGee, who says the point of this blog secretly is to dare anyone with a Ps3 to a challenge on Call of Duty Modern Warefare 2.

This is turning into quite the lineage you created, eh Gilbert?