When it comes to the American news cycle, there’s two can’t-fail ways to incubate a good scandal – compound lying and unabashed stupidity. For instance, going on The Today Show, wearing a temple stud and trying to convince the public that 99% of the rumors that you’re a hussy aren’t true.

Jamie Jungers may have found a way to concoct some sort of unabashed secret sauce of stupid lies, that could keep this baby cycling until we start drawing correlations between the Tiger list and the Madoff list. She’ll singularly standout once this all passes (her, jaimiee grubbs, probably if there’s a lucky #18 on the ‘on the sly’ list…), but the hustlers on Ebay trying to make a gazillion % profit off a Tiger URL that they parked on GoDaddy for $10/year are doing their part on a tier-two level of ridiculousness scope.

If you search for Tiger Woods, categories: “all categories,” and sort by priced highest, the first five and nine of the first ten items listed are Woods-related domains.

An autographed painting of what looks like Tiger with Pangaea in the background for $1,000,000 is listed for a lower price than both Tigerection.com and TigerGotWood.com.

The soft sell for some of these is truly hilarious. For instance, the merchant of Tigersharem.com would like you to let you know that TigersHarem.com would make an “Excellent Business name, especially for the Adult Porn Strip Club Market.” Or if you pick up for TailsofTigerWoods.com, which has a starting bid of $21,000,000, you get a free hat and t-shirt with purchase.

If you want to get in on the Tiger URL market but are too late to the game to get say Tiagrawoods.com, there’s always something like SteviesSeconds.com, which is not going to be great for search out of the gate.

Interesting read in the Anchorage Daily-News about the new drug testing policies the Iditarod will be instituting in 2010. Read on to hear what three-time champion and medical marijuana user Lance Mackey has to say about the matter (“I’m going to pee in their little cup, and laugh in their face.”)

In May, the Iditarod Trail Committee voted to expand Rule 29 (“Use of Drugs and Alcohol”). And now, racers may find themselves being tested at checkpoints during the 10-day, 1100 mile race. The vote passed with only two board members John Handeland and Jim Palin voting no to drug tests.

It begs the question, is Jim Palin who I think he is?

Father of Todd, a snow mobile champion in his own right. Grandfather of Bristol, Trig, etc. Would-be Grandfather-in-law of Levi. And Father-in-law of you know who?

I looked online for hard evidence – even emailing a blogger who covered the drug testing story – but am yet to confirm. But how many Jim Palin’s hailing from Wasilla, AK could there be?

I need to know if this is the Jim Palin, because if that dude voted against drug testing in dog sled racing and it goes mostly unknown, that would be a tragedy.

Big day for us here at Steady Burn as I’m pleased to announce the addition of a new writer to the mix. He’s based out of Jacksonville, FL and goes by the name S. Evans. Why the quasi-anonymity with the moniker? To protect familial ties to the Bob Evans homestyle cuisine fortune is my guess. Frankly, I thought his name was Sean (it’s not) for about six months now, so I’m paying it no nevermind. Here’s some background information courtesy of the masked man himself…

Hailing from a lil place called Jacksonville, Fl, the name is S. Evans

The vitals:

• Creator of the center of excellence that is No Guts, No Glory. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. You haven’t? Boy are you lost.

• I’m a Libra, if that helps.

• Known to be a smooth operator so you have nothing to worry about. You’re in good hands.

• Mike doesn’t even know my name, so you know that I will fit in nicely around here.

Above all, I vow to keep the burn steady. Whatever that means.

Hope this is as good for you as it will be for me.

Managed to link to a Sade video, put me on blast for not knowing his name, as well as reaffirm the fact that so few people get the name Steady Burn (it has nothing to do with smoking weed, and everything to do with basketball playing time) – this guy’s a wildcat. Enjoy the additional posting from S.E., a.k.a. the Southern Gentleman, friends.

Much like Ron Burgundy thought diversity was an old wooden ship, the soccer populus seems to believe that Group of Death represents the least desirable World Cup group to be placed in for middling soccer countries. False. The Group of Death is a metal band.* Just look at this poster from their Facebook page; the theory checks out…

The Group of Death is actually a soccer inspired rock group. ESPN’s Rob Stone gave them a nice plug, reporting live from NYC soccer bar Nevada Smith’s today during the World Cup draw.. Here’s the description of G.O.D. on Facebook:

The Group of Death is the world’s foremost football (soccer)-inspired heavy metal band. “The Group of Death” is also the nickname given to the toughest group the FIFA World Cup.

All this needs to seem fully legit is some actual tunes, and here it is – check out The Group of Death’s hit single “We Call It Awesome.”

The Group of Death perform a special show tonight at 8 at Nevada Smiths in lower Manhattan.

*The former in the above statement is 100% true, and even casual U.S. soccer fans have to be extremely happy that we didn’t find ourselves in, say, the Ivory Coast or Portugal’s current situation. Happy World Cup Draw Day!

Become a fan of The Group Of Death on Facebook

The other day when I said that the Tiger Woods hilarity reached its precipice, I lied…

Found via Buzzfeed

We’re moving offices tomorrow. My day job, that is. The Steady Burn offices remain intact – we’re going to do a few more rounds of funding before we explore further capital gains, probably after we see if the world exists after 2012.

On the short list of wants for my new office is one of those Nerf basketball hoops that you hang over the door. Something subtle like this…

I figure it will impress my clients, as well as make the Fresh Direct delivery guys want to be me. While I peruse e-commerce for the perfect hoop, check out these Top 8 Moments in Nerf Basketball History…

Nerf Basketball Dunk Contest

Amazing No-Look Shot

Trick Shots feat. Basketball Jones and John Cena

My Dad is the Nerf King

Meet The Nerf Kings

Revenge!

Nerf Basketball Dunk Contest, The Sequel

Nerf Basketball Mix Tape

Leave more suggestions for ways I can heighten the new office aesthetic in the comments.

You all remember the enigmatic Chuck Nevitt, no? That's him pictured above, getting him armpit tickled.

Chuck was an esteemed member of the 1982-83 Rockets, one of SI's Top 8 Worst NBA Teams of All Time. That roster also included Albany State University's finest, the Jones brothers, Major and Caldwell (a.k.a. "Pops").

Check out the rest of the list on SI.com and good luck tonight, New Jersey.

Posted via email from mike hayes’s posterous

In lieu of any hard news to report regarding the developing Tiger Woods investigation (unless you’re a Tool Academy fan), the hilarity of speculation has reached its precipice.

Tiger: Even in Chinese, Is Funny (Josh Q. Public)

Following Tiger Woods’ car accident/ holiday media debacle this weekend, Yardbarker.com’s Director of Programming and friend to Steady Burn, Alana G, pitched the idea of a Tiger Woods crash video playlist to MTV Jams via Twitter, and MTV might run with it!







It is an 100% true statement to say that MTV considering a video playlist inspired by Tiger’s crash is the biggest media development in the Tiger Woods crash investigation at this time.

Great execution, Alana. If Tiger Woods is determined to play this one so close to the vest that I have to turn on The Today Show this morning and hear the likes of Mike Lupica say, “He’ll golf his way out of this.” (Also, a 100% true statement), then we should be allowed to throw some jabs in his direction.

Check out her suggested playlist at Alanag.yardbarker.com and send her some suggestion. Keeping with the sensibility of MTV Jams (the early 2000′s iteration that I’m most familiar with), for my suggestion – the artist is Usher, the song is ‘Confessions.’

In honor of me, who is stepping up, and creating the family feast this Thanksgiving (I’m not joking, this is real), thought we’d have a little fun and do a live draft of Thanksgiving menu items to round out the short work week. Surely, it’ll generate some ideas for what I should include in my spread – 100% chance I won’t be able to pull any of your favorite delicacies off, but have fun playing and getting my hopes up.

The rules are simple, once a Thanksgiving appetizer, beverage, dinner item, dessert or after-dessert appertif has been selected, it’s off the board. However, we’ll reward your creativity and allow you to double-up, sort of. For example, if some real Thanksgiving cretin selects “turkey”, then feel free to select ‘“bacon-glazed turkey brined in butter and olive oil” right on top of that.

Additionally, there’s no order or limit to the number of selections. That means, plenty of opportunity to berate other people’s picks, and ostensibly their Thanksgiving familial tradition. So make your picks, then take a break and write a diatribe against Granny Sooze’s banana creme pie.

I’ll be moderating, censoring almost nothing.

Enjoy, and please avail yourselves of Delish.com’s list of the Most Fattening Thanksgiving Foods. Drafting opens today, November 25, at 11:30 a.m. EST