Every thrifty media whore out there would probably agree – why buy these days, when you can market?

I was hoping that the Tour of Battenkill meant guided tours of like a British Isle village ransacked by Vikings in the 8th century, preserved in its decrepit state (we could pitch the same people who sponsored the Slayer tour to sign on). Unfortunately, of course it’s for a cycling event instead.

According to the listing, last year’s Tour of Battenkill attracted 1200 racers to the event in Upstate New York, which means if you pony up, you get to be the title sponsor of the largest Pro-Am Cycling Race in America! The fifth annual is being held in April ’09, when they expect 1500 racers and 20,000+ spectators.

I’d borrow funds from the projected Q3 earnings for SB Media Ventures LLC to cover the $150K, but unfortunately I don’t think a cycling event properly aligns with our rock n’ roll image.

(If You Had Money Archive)

You there sir! With $168 williams in your wallet, I’ve got two words for you…

Tattooing. Kit.

I just held my right hand steady for about 15 seconds, so I think I’m qualified to bid on this. And no, I’m not the least bit sketched out that they’re offering free shipping FROM CHINA.

As an aside, if there is any way to search for items being shipped from China that are “kit” related on EBAY, I’d be interested to check out that wacky assortment of goods.

To further quell any reservations you have about picking up this item, bear in mind, there is also tattoo removal available for purchase on Ebay… asking price of $1.5 million.

(If You Had Money Archive)

Because of the holidays, I slept on this post last week (most of you were probably getting your nog on as well). Fret not jerks, I got something for ya…

Looking to cruise the links in style, or maybe you just need something to go with that new Houndstooth jacket from St. Nick?

That’s the Boyd Coddington Smoothster right there. Don’t be fooled by the waspy name; Boyd is actually a legendary custom car designer, and the former host of American Hot Rod on the Discovery Channel. His most famous creation is the CadZZilla.

Presumably, he built a golf cart because Boyd does whatever Boyd damn well wants when it comes to four wheels. R.I.P., B.C.

Each Wednesday, I post a weekly update to the digest “If You Had Money”, which shows the sporting goods and memorabilia you could purchase if disposable income was no longer a thing of the past. Each week, it will inevitably leave you wanting…

Afternoon, paper chasers. Something nifty for all you folks out there with Senatorial seat-bidding cash on hand…

This is possibly America’s oldest manufactured golf club. Do I hear $155,000 please?

And it sounds like somebody did there homework here….Rafter Radiocarbon Laboratories in New Zealand dates the wood back to 1760 (+/- 40 years). Also, the design is crude as compared to the Scottish clubs that were being produced at the time, and they believe that this stick was made by a U.S. blacksmith.

Despite it’s origins on this side of the pond, this club come with a lifetime membership to the Old Course at St. Andrews, and a welcome invitation to engage in night putting with the Dunhill town strumpet anytime you feel compelled.

NOTE: If you’re going to get the sticks, you have to have the attire to match…I’m talking pre-Judge Schmales era. I’d suggest going with the Purple and Taupe Payne Stewart get-up (c/o GolfKnickers.com)

Each Wednesday, I post a weekly update to the digest “If You Had Money”, which shows the sporting goods and memorabilia you could purchase if disposable income was no longer a thing of the past. Each week, it will inevitably leave you wanting…

If you do a search for ‘bankruptcy’ on Ebay, it returns 322 results. Which frankly, is lower than I expected.

Regardless, liquidation is the theme of the season, my friends. Take these guys for example, they’re unloading five tons of brand spankin’ mint condition baseball cards!

(more…)

Each Wednesday, I post a weekly update to the digest “If You Had Money”, which shows the sporting goods and memorabilia you could purchase if disposable income was no longer a thing of the past. Each week, it will inevitably leave you wanting…

Folks, we’ve hit the stage in the game where even the government is selling their stuff on Ebay. Solidifying it as truly the new white collar pawn shop destination to do your part to reenergize this woeful economy.

Thus, it’d be Un-American for you not to bid on an entire bowling alley…

120,000 K to buy it now. Includes 16 lanes with the AMF 8270 pinsetters, lockers, and seating.

Pick-up only or you’re responsible for the shipping. What in the name Big Ern are they talking about?!

How is the description for this not “Bowling Alley, contained in building; yes, you’re buying the rights to ownership of an actual building. Under no circumstances do we suggest that you transport these materials somewhere to be reassembled. That would be moronic.”

As always, I like to check out the credentials and what else these internet dealers have up for auction. Note: this guy scored a 57/100 on the ‘seller’s reputation’ scale. That’s an F-minus. Be advised). He does have some dousies up on the block however…

Big Thunder Amusement Ride

Safari Jeep Amusement Ride

Majestic 10 Car Bumper Car Set

He’s actually throwing in the installation on that bumper car set, at NO additional charge. Except you’ve got to pay for the hotel and airfare for his entire crew.

Each Wednesday, I post a weekly update to the digest “If You Had Money”, which shows the sporting goods and memorabilia you could purchase if disposable income was no longer a thing of the past. Each week, it will inevitably leave you wanting…

I believe it was Lil Wayne who said it best when he said, “GOT MONEY! And you know it, take it out your pocket and show it, then throw it.”

If you’ve got 45 large to throw around, and are passionate about resurfacing ice, you might want to consider…

A brief anecdote about zambonis. About three months after I graduated college, I went back to campus for my first homecoming as proud alumni. My buddy Bob, from Memphis, couldn’t make it. So I proceeded to tell everyone that he’d gotten a job as the zambonist for the Nashville Predators – making five dollars per hour, but with full benefits and his own theme music (I want to say it was “Hungry Like the Wolf”). People were eating this up, and no one even questioned the fact that Nashville and Memphis are easily two-hours apart.

Interestingly enough, like Bob, this Zamboni technician is based in the South too. Thus, I couldn’t help but feel compelled to check out what else a guy from North Carolina who owns a zamboni had up for sale. Here are a few of his other auctions…

Bad Bowtie Monster Truck

1999 MONSTER GRAPPLE TRUCK CATERPILLAR KNUCKLE BOOM

Gentleman who identifies himself as chimskichim, you’re officially one of my heros.

Been a little while since the last IYHM. Figured it was time to bring it back, what with the news that Obama Inauguration tickets are going for five figures, and considering that the Federal Reserve plans to give out $2 trillion dollars to somebody, but would rather not tell us who the recipients are.

Money is depressing. Anyway…

For all you museum curator-types out there, check out this life casting of Cassius Clay.

Get this. They’re claiming that the sculpture contains DNA-loaded hair from Ali (3 chests hair and about 30 armpit hairs to be precise). Also, they claim to have destroyed the original mold, so only the one impression could be made.

And They’re claiming it all to the tune of $7,000,000! ($400,000 down payment required via Pay Pal).

Wow. Like I said, museums, institutes, Hall-of-Fames – you may apply. People who pull heists for a living, you’ve been informed as well. Regular schmoes like me, will have to throw in the towel on this one.

Kissing Suzy Kolber’s Drew Magary is on some sort of internet spree and tirade this week in honor of the release of his new book, Men With Balls. To show gratitude, dedicating today’s example of how-to show the government that you’re adamant about featherbrained spending even during these tough economic times to some leit reading that’s available for you to procure…

That’s Vol. 1, No. 1 right thurr! With Marilyn Monroe as the original “Sweetheart of the Month”, of course.

$7,500 ain’t the price though – it’s the starting bid, folks. So you better be savvy with your interweb bidding skills as well as possess the fatness, Jack. (or you could just go pick up Men With Balls for a milli-fraction of the cost on Amazon).

When you search for MWBs on Amazon, the results yield other quality titles as well…

See more If You Had Money posts here.

The World of Isaac has a hilarious post up about Monta Ellis’ Moped that sparks today’s look at how you can make you bottom line dip. Isaac, thank you friend.

Without further adieu, let’s give its due adieu to The Segshaw!…

Was there ever any doubt that a Segway looks like something you’d want to be pulled by?

On rickshaws, in general. I once found myself frantically trying to hail a cab outside Macy’s, during Christmastime (because I plan well like that). After much failure, I had to settle for an elf in a rickshaw; it was one of the most horrific experiences of my entire life.

And I wonder, if that elfin maniac was limited by the 8 MPH (0 horsepower) governor of the Segway, would he still have treated the midtown bus lanes like his own personal leisure trail system?

if you have $7,400 clams and love danger, check this bad sally out.

Optimus Prime on the front, deal breaker or clincher?