Archive for the ‘News’ Category

How To Prolong The Oscars

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

The following is an actual (read: completely made up) transcript of a conversation between writer/producers of the 82nd Annual Academy Awards from Sunday night:

Producer: The show is only 3 hours long. How do we make people want to go to bed before the Best Picture is announced and shortchange the winner-to-be’s acceptance speech due to time constraints?

Writer: Another musical number with Neil Patrick Harris?

Producer: Nah, people enjoy him. Might give them a second wind. We want people to go to SLEEP.

Writer: What if we unnecessarily put five actors on stage before both the Best Actor & Best Actress nominees are unveiled…Yeah, Five actors who….who….Who have previous relationships with the nominees and….and….

Producer: Yes….yes…GO on….you’re getting there…

Writer: …who have previous relationships with the nominees and who each ramble for 5 minutes about what great people the nominees are and include a bunch of inside jokes? That’ll make the show AT LEAST 30 minutes longer than necessary, right?!

Producer: Brilliant. Simply brilliant. Say you remember the first time you and I were working on the Academy Awards five years ago? It was your first time doing it and you said to me….

(Five Minutes later)

Producer (cont’d): …and I’ll never forget the fact that you pimp slapped an intern. That really stuck with me. Congratulations on your success, Writer.

Editor’s Note: I’ll give you one guess as to what my only gripe was with Sunday night’s Oscar ceremony. Of course if they really wanted to trim down speeches and time, maybe they should have heightened security…

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Recession Got You Down? Enjoy These Sweet Rhymes

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

I’ll start with three broad truths: a) the economic recession sucks; 1) the political climate sucks; and 3) the recovery effort, from what we can tell, sort of sucks. But how bad does it suck? We aren’t sure.

A lot of Americans are angry right now, and the vast majority of that anger is directed at the federal government. I’m not just talking about tea partiers, birthers, and neo-McCarthyists who see the imminent threat of socialism, Marxism, and totalitarianism (all of which, they fail to realize, are different, albeit cloesly related, things) in every one of President Obama’s legislative proposals (a brief interlude: can we say President Obama and not “Barack” or “Obama” or “the Barackster? I spent 8 years referring to President Bush as just that out of respect for the office. This isn’t your hip high school social studies teacher). American are angry because they fear that the United States has totally bungled the recovery effort. We had a $787 billion dollar stimulus package, with another multi-billion dollar jobs package on the way, regular citizens have no idea if their tax dollars are going to work or not. China recovered, Germany recovered, even the British aren’t doing so bad anymore. People are mad because the economy isn’t getting better, and they have no idea whether this spending is even helping at all.

If you’re like Time’s Joe Klein (the inspiration behind this post), the problem is simple: Americans are too dumb to thrive. Unfortunately for Klein, Americans don’t like being called stupid: it smacks of elitism, which NOBODY appreciates, and summons visions of President Obama’s “clinging to guns and religion” gaffe from the 2008 campaign.

However, there’s a point to be taken from Klein’s snootiness. All too often, voters go to the polls without a solid understanding of the economic and social ills facing out country; they prefer to vote based on “who they’d rather have a beer with” (poor Mitt Romney) or who their peers are voting for. Some civic education in high school that teaches students the inner workings of the federal government, the Constitution, and the American economy (and I do NOT mean the basic American history classes we all have to take) would be welcome. I’m not agreeing with Klein that Americans are stupid: I’m agreeing with the idea that regular citizens with everyday concerns do not have the time to become an expert on American politics. It’s tedious, complex, and all-too often EXTREMELY boring (there’s nothing sexy about the Congressional Budget Office and the other thousand federal agencies trying to tackle the clusterfuck that is our economy).

When it comes to economic issues, this is certainly true. Very few people understand what the hell a liquidity trap is or how capital markets work, nor do they want to hear their government tell them “they just don’t understand” and then explain in an impossible manner. Even deficit spending, the single biggest silver bullet to the Great Depression, seems dubious now. Hence, most people get outraged over Obama’s spending freeze, stimulus packages that inherently add to the deficit, and other aspects of the recovery effort without really understanding WHY these measures are going forward I the first place. A lack of understanding produces uncertainty, uncertainty produces fear, and fear is the fuel for batshit-crazy TV pundits and talking heads like Glenn Beck.

To summarize: people are angry because they don’t know what the hell is going on with the economy, and they’re angry at the federal government for doing a horrible job explaining how our tax dollars are supposedly helping. We need things explained to us in a way we can understand. We don’t need Reagan-esq supply and demand charts…

Sexy supply and demand charts Ronald...but wtf is stagflation?

Sexy supply and demand charts Ronald...but wtf is stagflation?

… and we don’t need President Obama to explain how the stimulus works at the State of the Union. We need a basic understanding of the fundamentally opposed views on how to save the economy. We need to know: why do recessions happen, and what should the federal government do to get us back on track? Of course, there are opposing views, but how do we understand their intricacies outside the context of an econ textbook or cable news name-calling?
In short, we need more videos like this:

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Wyclef reacts to Haiti quake, asks Americans to donate (video)

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

H/T to Nah Right for the first blog post on this. Read Wyclef’s statement below, then go donate at Yele.org

NEW YORK—The following is a statement by Wyclef Jean on today’s magnitude 7.0 earthquake outside Port-au-Prince, Haiti: “Haiti today faced a natural disaster of unprecedented proportion, an earthquake unlike anything the country has ever experienced.

The magnitude 7.0 earthquake – and several very strong aftershocks – struck only 10 miles from Port-au-Prince.

I cannot stress enough what a human disaster this is, and idle hands will only make this tragedy worse. The over 2 million people in Port-au-Prince tonight face catastrophe alone. We must act now.

President Obama has already said that the U.S. stands ‘ready to assist’ the Haitian people. The U.S. Military is the only group trained and prepared to offer that assistance immediately. They must do so as soon as possible. The international community must also rise to the occasion and help the Haitian people in every way possible.”

Many people have already reached out to see what they can do right now. We are asking those interested to please do one of two things: Either you can use your cell phone to text “Yele” to 501501, which will automatically donate $5 to the Yele Haiti Earthquake Fund (it will be charged to your cell phone bill), or you can visit Yele.org and click on DONATE.

Haiti needs your prayers and support.

I was literally going to book a trip to the Dominican Republic for next month today – the island borders Haiti and felt some of the shock of yesterday’s 7.0 earthquake. Over the past month, we trip advisor’d in full all the resorts on the island, and were seriously going to make the arrangements tonight. Now, I’ll most likely have to find a new vacation destination. What’s worse, is this would be considered a top-five problem in my life at the moment, and it’s not even a real problem. I feel guilty relating it to this, but I think that if more people remind themselves of the sh#t they’ve got to deal with in their lives, and likewise realize how fortunate they truly are that their problems are so minuscule, then maybe we’ll get a bigger response on this.

Please donate.

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