Archive for the ‘phenoms’ Category

Meet our new Steady Burn contributor

Tuesday, December 8th, 2009

Big day for us here at Steady Burn as I’m pleased to announce the addition of a new writer to the mix. He’s based out of Jacksonville, FL and goes by the name S. Evans. Why the quasi-anonymity with the moniker? To protect familial ties to the Bob Evans homestyle cuisine fortune is my guess. Frankly, I thought his name was Sean (it’s not) for about six months now, so I’m paying it no nevermind. Here’s some background information courtesy of the masked man himself…

Hailing from a lil place called Jacksonville, Fl, the name is S. Evans

The vitals:

  • Creator of the center of excellence that is No Guts, No Glory. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. You haven’t? Boy are you lost.
  • I’m a Libra, if that helps.
  • Known to be a smooth operator so you have nothing to worry about. You’re in good hands.
  • Mike doesn’t even know my name, so you know that I will fit in nicely around here.

Above all, I vow to keep the burn steady. Whatever that means.

Hope this is as good for you as it will be for me.

Managed to link to a Sade video, put me on blast for not knowing his name, as well as reaffirm the fact that so few people get the name Steady Burn (it has nothing to do with smoking weed, and everything to do with basketball playing time) – this guy’s a wildcat. Enjoy the additional posting from S.E., a.k.a. the Southern Gentleman, friends.

Top 8 Moments in Nerf Basketball History

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009





We’re moving offices tomorrow. My day job, that is. The Steady Burn offices remain intact – we’re going to do a few more rounds of funding before we explore further capital gains, probably after we see if the world exists after 2012.

On the short list of wants for my new office is one of those Nerf basketball hoops that you hang over the door. Something subtle like this…

I figure it will impress my clients, as well as make the Fresh Direct delivery guys want to be me. While I peruse e-commerce for the perfect hoop, check out these Top 8 Moments in Nerf Basketball History…

Nerf Basketball Dunk Contest



Amazing No-Look Shot



Trick Shots feat. Basketball Jones and John Cena



My Dad is the Nerf King



Meet The Nerf Kings



Revenge!



Nerf Basketball Dunk Contest, The Sequel



Nerf Basketball Mix Tape



Leave more suggestions for ways I can heighten the new office aesthetic in the comments.

Fisherman hooks 150 pound tuna from a kayak

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

Fisherman and futures trader Dave Lamoureux has a taste for danger – a danger he prefers to be served pan seared.

Lamoureux is essentially a big game sportsman, and his favored hunt – enormous tuna fish. Unlike the commercial tuna fisherman, with their big boats and harpoon wielding, Lamoureux prefers a line, a fishing pole, and the comforts of a recreational kayak that he modified in garage. Recently, according to the New York Times, Lamoureux’s and his one-man fiberglass vessel hauled in a 157-pound bluefin tuna, a record for a solo kayak tuna fisherman.

His most recent catch, on Nov. 5, was a 157-pound bluefin, a record tuna for an unassisted kayak fisherman, and a near record over all, topped only by a 183-pound halibut caught by Howard McKim, an Alaskan, in 2004. Reeling in a halibut, though, has been likened to hauling in a load of plywood, and some of Lamoureux’s admirers consider landing a bluefin, known for its power and ferocity, the greater feat. He is a hero at bait shops up and down Cape Cod. On fishing blogs, a few grumblers call him a dangerous idiot.

Lamoureax told the Times that when you hook one of these mothers it’s “sort of like a raging bull” – as the tuna will tow the kayak around until the fish expires from exhaustion. It can take hours for a bluefin to give. Here’s an idea of what it takes to reel one of these beasts in…

Lamoureax and his kayak, named Fortitude, will look to up the ante as he continues his quest, splitting time between his home in Chicago and the fishing waters off the coast of Cape Cod. Someday he hopes to one day push that record weight to 300-400 lbs.

I’d suggest a record tuna casserole bake-off at the local rod & gun for the locals in the community when that happen.
Catching Tuna and Hanging On for the Ride (New York Times)

(Photo via NYT)

Dock Ellis: “It was easier to pitch with the LSD, because I was just so used to medicating myself.”

Friday, November 13th, 2009

A team of crack geniuses from the blog No Mas produced an animated short about the no-hitter that Dock Ellis threw while trippin’ on acid. The audio is taken from an interview Ellis conducted with writer Donnell Alexander.

100 H/Tees to my man @AsilentFlute for sending this to me, because it is just so great.

One time I covered first base, and I caught the ball and tagged the base all in one motion. I said, “OOH, I just made a touchdown.”

Top-5 Andre Agassi Commercials from the 90′s

Monday, November 9th, 2009


Around the age of nine, I was looking to make some extra scratch. I’d just come off a failed scheme of trying to sell superballs made out of play doh – they were more ornamental than bouncy, mainly because play doh don’t bounce. For my new business venture, I decided to gut a bunch of my Sports Illustrated for Kids magazines so I could sell the individual glossy pictures of the athletes. I went at the books with a pair of scissors cutting out all the mid-nineties stars and pasting their likenesses onto construction paper – I was destined to be as lucrative as say the person(s) who patented play doh or the 1000 sheet assortment pack of construction paper.

I sold one. And only because my mom, like most women in the early 90′s, had a real live thing for Andre Agassi.

Why am I telling you about this misadventure in childhood capitalism? (Especially, since I was obviously destined for such lucrativeness later in life.) I wanted to convey how hard it’s going to be to break the news about Andre’s hair weave to my mom. It’d be easier for everyone involved if she watched 60 Minutes last night and had already been shattered by this coming out.

Now that the hidden truth behind Andre’s scalp has been Couric’d, those of you who are going to need to cope by remembering Agassi’s coif in its age of innocence, I suggest the antidote that is his commercial work from the early 90′s. I’ve embedded my Top-5 Agassi pitch moments from the 90′s below – surprise, they’re all for Nike and the Canon Rebel. Apologies if the few ads where he appears with a shaved head in the mid-90s are too much for some to bear.

“Image is Everything”

The Rules of Golf

Agassi’s Rock n’ Roll Tennis Camp

Change?

Agassi vs. Sampras, Street Tennis

Special consideration to The Wade Blog, check out their Top-10 Agassi Commercials here.

David Cowans, a taste for kilts and DANGER

Thursday, October 8th, 2009

Hailing from the highlands of Kingskettle, Scotland, David Cowan is a 46-year old kilt enthusiast, who along with 135 other competitors, will take part this week in what has been called (and for my money, unequivocally is) the world’s most dangerous race – The Jungle Marathon.

The Jungle Marathon takes place in the Amazon rainforest of Brazil, also it is not a marathon. It’s a 222 kilometer race that spans seven days in Jungle with competitors encountering “poisonous snakes, venomous tarantulas, hungry jaguars and even deadly plants.”

They have armed guides that are on hungry jaguar detail at night.

In the jungle, It gets down to around 80 degrees fahrenheit at night. There are swamps filled with blood sucking ticks. And finally, those jaguars – they’ll straight up digest your kilt, for serious.

Cowan told the Scot publication The Courier that he was inspired “When I watched the marathon on television I saw people having to be fitted with drips and be carried away.” That is a compelling image, if you’re a lunatic.

The race kicks off Sunday. Here’s hoping Cowan can find a nice machete holster to go with that kilt.

Fife man jets off for extreme jungle race (The Courier)

The “Pain Don’t Hurt” Award (NFL Week One)

Tuesday, September 15th, 2009

On September 14, 2009, the great Patrick Swayze lost his battle with pancreatic cancer and passed away too young at the age of 57. Swayze had a prolific acting career, one that inspired his devoted fan base to believe that if anyone could beat this disease it was him (Swayze played a bank robbing surf ninja and villainous sky diving enthusiast in Point Break. Cancer? No problem, compadre). He was diagnosed in January of 2008 with a sickness that most people will succumb to in under a year – he held on for 20+ months. During that time period, his 1989 film Road House was the most broadcast movie on American television in the past year according to Rolling Stone – airing 45 times on AMC, A&E and CMT. Maybe you were lucky enough to flip it on and catch a riveting scene like this…

In lieu of burying Swayze with Dalton’s medical dossier, each Tuesday during football season I’ll be awarding one player the “Pain Don’t Hurt” Award to honor Swayze’s memory. This week’s recipient: Brandon Meriweather of the New England Patriots.

Last week, the retired Rodney Harrison said of his strong safety protege, “Brandon Meriweather will be putting his helmet down [Terrell Owens'] throat.”

Though Owens was held to just 2 catches for 46 yards, and no TDs by the Patriots secondary, the brand of raw aggression that Harrison, who’s apparently maintained his maniacal nature, is referring to here was best on display during that stack-up hit by Meriweather on Bills’ Leodis McKelvin during that kick-off return late in the 4th. ESPN failed to mention Swayze’s passing during the entire broadcast of the game, but they did show about 15 angles of Meriweather holding up McKelvin while his teammates ransacked him. The Pierre Woods forced fumble – recovered by New England kicker Stephen Gostkowski – and impending TD drive sealed the victory for the Pats and ripped the proverbial neck out of the Bills’ upset hopes.

(photo via NFL.com)

Which of these high school football stories is more absurd?…

Friday, September 11th, 2009

A couple good joshers from the wide world of prep football today. Chuck Klosterman (and other ex-high school athletes from North Dakota), these are in your wheelhouse…

The more draconian of the two, eight players at Upper Arlington High School in Ohio have been suspended for tonight’s game after some suggestive behavior in the team photo…

Upper Arlington High School has suspended at least eight players for tonight’s football game against Findlay High School.


A report from a Columbus television station says that at least eight senior players have been suspended from school and will not participate in the game against the Trojans because of sexually explicit gestures made in a picture…

So, eight imbeciles made the shocker in the team picture. Reminds me of the time one of my Catholic grammar school pals, we’ll call him Tito Jackson, flipped the bird in the second grade class photo. (He used both hands actually, which were hanging by his side. It was the double inverted salute, in fact.) My mom was less than thrilled when she saw that, and I didn’t get to play Nintendo track n’ field at Tito’s house for quite some time.

Like Tito Jackson, the actions of these H.S. baffoons did indeed see the light of day. The photo wasn’t discovered until it appeared in the school’s football program book and posters distributed to local businesses.


Upper Arlington suspends 8 players for Findlay game (WFIN.com)



Meanwhile, it wasn’t player hijinks that stunted the order of Alcoa and Fulton’s game last night,  but something out of an Indiana Jones or Kevin Bacon movie…

With Alcoa leading 20-7 in the fourth quarter last night, the game had to be postponed because of sinkhole all of suddenly opened on 41-yard line.

OK, maybe Tremors is a bad comparison here. The hole was only a foot in a half in diameter – it wasn’t exactly eating midfield.

Sensing victory, Alcoa coach Gary Rankin wanted to play it out using half the field. Instead, they’ve postponed until 5 p.m today. That is, unless it develops into this…

Sinking to the occasion (KnoxNews.com)

Thoroughbred’s famous bloodline saves his life, makes him a possible movie star

Tuesday, September 8th, 2009

Nothing like a potential feel good story of the year that you know is going to, at the same time, rile people up. Get a load of this tale of redemption…

On April 4, 2008, thoroughbred Freedom’s Flight’s career came to an all-to-familiar halt when his leg snapped on the track at Gulfstream Park in Hallandale, FL. Actually, it wasn’t a halt so to speak, he still went on to finish third in the race. After the expensive treatment to repair the injury failed, owners sold off the racehorse for a mere $500.

From MiamiHerald.com:

“They told me his racing career was over,” said [Herman] Heinlein, who owns 100 horses. He faced a choice: pay to euthanize Freedom’s Flight or, as Pinchin suggested, give him to Marian Brill, a 44-year veteran of Florida racing and a horse rescuer.


To a racehorse owner, an animal that can’t run “is a broken machine that don’t work,” Brill said. “They get rid of it.”


Heinlein says he kept title to the horse “because I didn’t want somebody to get him back to racing.”


Still a stallion, Freedom’s Flight could have undergone expensive treatment for his leg then become a breeder, but “he never proved himself as a racehorse,” said Brill, and since his famous ancestors begat hundreds of offspring, “Why breed the one that’s farther down the line?”


Brill, 58, said she “started rehabbing him” but his injuries were too daunting. Then, she said, a man whose name she didn’t know bought him for $500.


“They loaded him on a trailer and left,” she said.

According to the Herald, several months later, FF was spotted by the Miami-Dade Police Department’s Agricultural Patrol Unit tied to a tree on a “garbage feeder farm” – which is exactly what it sounds like, a farm that they cook garbage and feed it to swine. His price tag at the time had been $100.

The owner of the farm, Manuel Coto, allowed an SPCA vet to treat Freedom’s Flight for multiple ailments including “severe “rain rot,” which made him lose most of his hair, bites, wounds, severe rashes, abscesses under his hooves, detoxing from steroids, a fractured right cannon — shin — bone, and strangles, a potentially deadly, highly contagious bacterial infection.”

So far it reads like Seabiscuit, from the twisted mind of director Rob Zombie. If you’ll further indulge me, I promise it gets better.

While nursing the horse back to health, they discovered a tattoo under Freedom’s Flight’s lip that read: I35289. The Jockey Club thoroughbred registry indicated that the number revealed that he was the scion of, count em’, two Triple Crown winners: Seattle Slew, his grandpa and winner of the Triple Crown in 1977, and the legend himself, Secratariat, Freedom’s Flight’s dad.

Since the famous bloodline discovery, Freedom’s Flight has received $30,000 in vet care, and is the front runner to play Secratariat in a Disney movie. I’m hoping for a sci-fi drama – lots of scions, siars, members of the brood, prophesies being fulfilled, etc. etc.

(photos via spca-sofla.org)

Racehorse’s health restored 1 year after hellish descent (Miami Herald)

Competitors Savor the Victory at The World Gravy Wrestling Championships

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009





This is not the WWF’s annual Turkey Bowl match, this is gravy wrestling competition at the World class level – the local fire crew even came out to hose down the wrestlers.

From Metro UK

Huge crowds – well, around 100 people – gathered in Lancashire to watch competitors from around Britain battling it out in the annual World Gravy Wrestling Championships.


The contest saw 16 men and eight women grapple in front of a judging panel in a bid to be named the best gravy wrestler. …


Amateur wrestlers traveled from Devon, Derby, Scarborough and Leicester to take part – in fancy dress ranging from a city broker to a frog, a geisha girl, a doctor and Princess Fiona from Shrek.

This year marked the third annual WGWC, which is staged at the Rose n’ Bowl pub in Stackhead, Lancashire. 2,200 litres (440 gallons) – or some 40,000 ladles worth – of gravy was produced for the event. The crowd was made up mostly of the firemen, local ambulance volunteers, and some folks who asked the wrong locals: How do we get to the Meatloaf concert?

30-year old Scot Joel Hicks, wrestling under the name Stone Cold Steve Bisto, was crowned the World Gravy Wrestling Champion at the event. Here he is about to take a chair to his lumbar system -  I thought a similar event was going to break out at last year’s Thanksgiving when only half the table got to sample my mom’s bacon infused gravy.

Check out the scene for yourself…and remember it next time you’re having the southern-style breakfast at a Bob Evans…