It’s been awhile since I posted about roller derby. When I went searching for some goings-on earlier, I figured what would emerge as post-worthy would be maybe an update from my local team, the Gotham Girls Roller Derby (who I swear, one day I’ll go watch in person) or perhaps an update to Roller Derby’s Finest. Instead, we’re reporting off-track scam artistry meets airborne grand larceny!

COVINGTON, Ky. — A member and coach of the Cincinnati Rollergirls admitted in court Tuesday she illegally obtained 525 airline tickets for two years through her other job as an United Airlines employee at Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport.

Mercedes Stafford, who skates by the name of “Sadistic Sadie” pleaded guilty to one count of wire fraud while in United States District Court in Covington on Tuesday.

According to documents, Stafford fraudulently bought “involuntary tickets” that airlines issue when a passenger’s flight is canceled or delayed. She then created fake ticket numbers that she would use to buy real tickets on United and other airlines.

According to WLWT.com, Stafford’s dealings cost United Airlines between $400K and $1 million dollars between May 2007 and October 2009. One could buy a lot of Pro-Tec knee and elbow pads with that sort of livelihood.

The statement of the facts notes that though she did at times purchase tickets for her team, the scam was entirely a solo mission by Sadistic. It appears that her teammates consider themselves far from pawns in her game, as they issued the following, highly supportive, statement themselves:

“The Cincinnati Rollergirls have been fortunate to have Sadistic Sadie as a teammate, coach and former president, and we were saddened to hear today’s news. While we do not condone her actions, of which the rest of the team had no knowledge, we wish her and her family the best as she takes responsibility for them and as her case works its way through the judicial system. We thank our fans for supporting our team since 2006 and we hope they will continue to support us during this difficult time.”

Stafford faces a max. punishment of 20-years in jail and a fine of $250K.

www.cincinnatirollergirls.com/

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Who saw this coming (Not I), Brian Boitano’s Food Network show (What Would Brian Boitano Make?, premiering in August) could be brutally awesome.

Well, I’m in for at least one episode.

According to NBCBayArea.com, a recent episode shoot entailed WWBBD slugging bacontinis and hanging out with the Bay Area Derby Girls, San Fran’s Women’s Flat Track Roller Derby team.

Boitano’s production team was looking for subjects when they came across the Bay Area Derby Girls, our local flat track roller derby league, and wanted to do a show with them but wasn’t sure how to incorporate food into the mix.

Chesty Gillespie, number 34DD of the Oakland Outlaws (of which my wife, Deadly Nightshade, is a starting blocker), was asked if she had any ideas of how to do a segment for the show and she said that roller girls love bacon. In fact, many of them, Gillespie included, have bacon tattoos!

I like the throw it on the wall and see what sticks, Rock N’ Roll production strategy of the Boitano camp. And as a thank you gesture, Boitano is inviting the Derby girls over for a multi-course meal of bacon at his San Francisco home.

Boitano, the master of pork chivalry, indeed. (run with that one if you like…)

For context purposes,

This is a bacontini…



This is a Chesty Gillespie…

And this is the South Park gem that, in my opinion, allowed Boitano to maintain the inkling of cachet that earned him a shot at a Food Network show…

Watch more NETLOG videos on AOL Video

Brian Boitano, Food Network Star? (The Food Section)

Boitano, Bacon and Booze, Oh My! (NBC Bay Area)

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Came across this promo video for this weekend’s Roller Derby Match in L.A., with The Sirens taking on the Varsity Brawlers. The Derby Shezilla animation is pretty high-end, check it out…

Pretty soon there going to have to hold Hell on Wheels at The Staples Center in L.A.

Thinking along those lines, if Nicholson is your resident courtsider for Lakers games, who would make a better permanent Hollywood fixture at L.A. Roller Derby bouts?

Joaquin Phoenix

…or BIlly Bob Thornton

Go ahead and cast your votes, or your write-in votes, in the comments. If you’re in the L.A. area this week and want more info (or want to track down Long Island Lolita for a roller skating jaunt on the Boardwalk) go to derbydolls.com.

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Earlier in the week I posted a caption contest honoring the kick-off of the 2009 WFTDA Roller Derby season. And the winner is…

““Player #15 performs a reverse cup-check”

Your winner and the recipient of this impressive cache of No Fear memora...errr, things – you know him, you love him – Isaac, maker and creator of the blog The World of Isaac.

In lieu of a victory speech, he submits this video…

Class. I can’t wait to ship this guy a case of something called Bloodshot Energy Drink.

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Sometime between now and the next five years, Roller Derby is going to make its big splash on the sports landscape. It may be short lived ( remember Major League Roller Hockey? ) it may be sustained (see: the goddam X-Games, which refuse to relent). It also may happen sooner rather than later. Defending National Women’s Flat Track Derby Champs Gotham Girls Roller Derby kicked off their 2009 campaign with a throttling, a throuncing, a veritable beating down of the Boston Massacre All-Stars on Saturday, with a 188-44 victory in front of sizable crowd at LIU Brooklyn campus on Saturday (check out the full house here).

This is only the latest instance in the interest in Hell on Wheels heating up. ESPN aired a feature last year on the Roller Derby revival, and many media outlets have followed suit (Check out Metromix’s feature on the Gotham Girls). Not to mention, the movie that Drew Barrymore and Juno are making ( Whip It! set for release sometime in 2009).

In honor of Roller Derby’s return for what might be the sport’s break-out year, let’s do a comment contest…

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Some cool hell on wheels news of the International persuasion, women’s flat-track squads from Birmingham (UK) and Stuttgart (Deutschland) will face off at the end of the month in Germany. The teams met in the first ever European cross-border battle in November ’08, with Birmingham giving Stuttgart the business, edging out a victory 81-75. They’ll rematch on Jan. 31 in the New Year’s Massacre.

Check out the Birmingham Blitz Derby Dames and Stuttgart Valley Roller Girlz team sites for more info

…Now, on to a plethora of what’s happening…

Border Wars: College Football Recruiting Battles (MoonDog Sports)
BAR IS SOMEWHAT ATTRACTIVE (What Would Tyler Durden Do)
UK Rugger Gets His License Suspended for Three Years for Drunk Driving (Telegraph)
Will Yankees Luxury Suite Controversy Topple Bloomberg Administration? (Deadspin)
Aziz Ansari, Comedian (Gothamist)
Top 10: Music Blogs to Read in 2009!… Including one of my personal favorites Earfarm (via Pop Candy)
Danny Granger’s Three at the Buzzer: ‘You’ve Got to Be Kidding Me’ (Fanhouse)
Lil Wayne on ESPN’s 1st and 10… The Whole 22 Minutes! (Phil Knows Best)
Unlike Josh Hamilton, Chris Andersen Is Comfortable In His Inky Skin (Tirico Suave)
Who will score down under? Australian Open women’s odds (Cuzoogle)
Jon Stewart on Gaza (NY Hoosier)
NFL Year In Review (Intentional Foul)
Bored? Let Diamond Dave get you through the day (9 to Fried)
Noelia’s got some serious backside (on205th)
CHEERLEADER CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A OKLAHOMA SOONERS GREATEST GAMES DVD (The World of Isaac)

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Meet Devil Dan. The Syd Barrett of Roller Derby.

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Last week’s contest poll for The Best Name in Roller Derby attracted voting like I’ve never seen on Steady Burn before, with over 800 votes being cast over the weekend!

It was Shenita Stretcher of the Philly Roller Girls emerging to earn the honor, garnering 25% of the vote (219) and just narrowly edging Gotham City’s Beyonslay (203 votes). The Carolina Roller Girls’ Trudy Struction took third.

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I’ll admit, I didn’t love it when I initially learned that all roller girls competed under the guise of nicknames. It breaks a cardinal rule of sports integrity: don’t unnecessarily associate yourself with pro wrestling.

That was before I read any of them however. I believe it was Spinal Tap who said it best when they said, “there’s such a fine line between stupid and clever.” These are clever, in the 80′s porn star and metal groupy (two professions that survive – if not, thrive – today) sense. It’d be an appropriate time to mention that this poll is co-presented by Rafer Alston (formerly Skip 2 My Lu, from And1 Mix-Tape) and Brock Lesner.

I’ve nominated eight fierce, cleverly monikered, Hell on Wheels competitors below for you vote on, one from each of the teams that competed at last week’s WFTDA Roller Derby National Championship. Feel free to write-in other votes in the comments below – whether you’re a roller derby girl, or have a flair for low-brow creativity.

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The Gotham Girls of NYC are your 2008 WFTDA Women’s National Roller Derby Champions. Gotham went into the tournament (held in Portland, OR) the #1 overall seed and overwhelming favorite, and lived up to expectation as they took home the trophy – known as The Hydra.

Gotham absolutely tattooed the second seeded Windy City Roller Girls, from Chicago, in the Championship Match, with a final score of 134-56. You can check out a live-chat blog that took place during the Finals Sunday on DerbyNewsNetwork.com.

The finals was a rematch of the Eastern Regional Championship, where Gotham narrowly edged Windy City by 40 points. In Sunday’s confrontation, GGRD went down 0-4 in the first period – their first deficit of the tournament – before they steamrolled their adversaries from Chicago.

Windy City’s lead jammer Kola Loka was the fan favorite for tourney MVP, getting 38% of the vote online.

The Philly Roller Girls took third place at Nationals, defeating Western Region Champion Texas in the third place grudge match.

If anyone has photo or video content from the Championship, please send my way. Meanwhile, check out some stuff below from your 2008 supreme derby champs from NYC….

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