It’s been awhile since I posted about roller derby. When I went searching for some goings-on earlier, I figured what would emerge as post-worthy would be maybe an update from my local team, the Gotham Girls Roller Derby (who I swear, one day I’ll go watch in person) or perhaps an update to Roller Derby’s Finest. Instead, we’re reporting off-track scam artistry meets airborne grand larceny!

COVINGTON, Ky. — A member and coach of the Cincinnati Rollergirls admitted in court Tuesday she illegally obtained 525 airline tickets for two years through her other job as an United Airlines employee at Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport.

Mercedes Stafford, who skates by the name of “Sadistic Sadie” pleaded guilty to one count of wire fraud while in United States District Court in Covington on Tuesday.

According to documents, Stafford fraudulently bought “involuntary tickets” that airlines issue when a passenger’s flight is canceled or delayed. She then created fake ticket numbers that she would use to buy real tickets on United and other airlines.

According to WLWT.com, Stafford’s dealings cost United Airlines between $400K and $1 million dollars between May 2007 and October 2009. One could buy a lot of Pro-Tec knee and elbow pads with that sort of livelihood.

The statement of the facts notes that though she did at times purchase tickets for her team, the scam was entirely a solo mission by Sadistic. It appears that her teammates consider themselves far from pawns in her game, as they issued the following, highly supportive, statement themselves:

“The Cincinnati Rollergirls have been fortunate to have Sadistic Sadie as a teammate, coach and former president, and we were saddened to hear today’s news. While we do not condone her actions, of which the rest of the team had no knowledge, we wish her and her family the best as she takes responsibility for them and as her case works its way through the judicial system. We thank our fans for supporting our team since 2006 and we hope they will continue to support us during this difficult time.”

Stafford faces a max. punishment of 20-years in jail and a fine of $250K.

www.cincinnatirollergirls.com/

Well, I’m in for at least one episode.

According to NBCBayArea.com, a recent episode shoot entailed WWBBD slugging bacontinis and hanging out with the Bay Area Derby Girls, San Fran’s Women’s Flat Track Roller Derby team.

Boitano’s production team was looking for subjects when they came across the Bay Area Derby Girls, our local flat track roller derby league, and wanted to do a show with them but wasn’t sure how to incorporate food into the mix.

Chesty Gillespie, number 34DD of the Oakland Outlaws (of which my wife, Deadly Nightshade, is a starting blocker), was asked if she had any ideas of how to do a segment for the show and she said that roller girls love bacon. In fact, many of them, Gillespie included, have bacon tattoos!

I like the throw it on the wall and see what sticks, Rock N’ Roll production strategy of the Boitano camp. And as a thank you gesture, Boitano is inviting the Derby girls over for a multi-course meal of bacon at his San Francisco home.

Boitano, the master of pork chivalry, indeed. (run with that one if you like…)

For context purposes,

This is a bacontini…



This is a Chesty Gillespie…

And this is the South Park gem that, in my opinion, allowed Boitano to maintain the inkling of cachet that earned him a shot at a Food Network show…

Watch more NETLOG videos on AOL Video

Brian Boitano, Food Network Star? (The Food Section)

Boitano, Bacon and Booze, Oh My! (NBC Bay Area)

Pretty soon there going to have to hold Hell on Wheels at The Staples Center in L.A.

Thinking along those lines, if Nicholson is your resident courtsider for Lakers games, who would make a better permanent Hollywood fixture at L.A. Roller Derby bouts?

Joaquin Phoenix

…or BIlly Bob Thornton

Go ahead and cast your votes, or your write-in votes, in the comments. If you’re in the L.A. area this week and want more info (or want to track down Long Island Lolita for a roller skating jaunt on the Boardwalk) go to derbydolls.com.

““Player #15 performs a reverse cup-check”

Your winner and the recipient of this impressive cache of No Fear memora...errr, things – you know him, you love him – Isaac, maker and creator of the blog The World of Isaac.

In lieu of a victory speech, he submits this video…

Class. I can’t wait to ship this guy a case of something called Bloodshot Energy Drink.

Sometime between now and the next five years, Roller Derby is going to make its big splash on the sports landscape. It may be short lived ( remember Major League Roller Hockey? ) it may be sustained (see: the goddam X-Games, which refuse to relent). It also may happen sooner rather than later. Defending National Women’s Flat Track Derby Champs Gotham Girls Roller Derby kicked off their 2009 campaign with a throttling, a throuncing, a veritable beating down of the Boston Massacre All-Stars on Saturday, with a 188-44 victory in front of sizable crowd at LIU Brooklyn campus on Saturday (check out the full house here).

This is only the latest instance in the interest in Hell on Wheels heating up. ESPN aired a feature last year on the Roller Derby revival, and many media outlets have followed suit (Check out Metromix’s feature on the Gotham Girls). Not to mention, the movie that Drew Barrymore and Juno are making ( Whip It! set for release sometime in 2009).

In honor of Roller Derby’s return for what might be the sport’s break-out year, let’s do a comment contest…

The person who comes up with the best caption for this photo ( flickr photo credit: Insanity Labs ) gets all this stuff from No Fear:

(2) No Fear Hoodies

(2) No Fear T-shirts

(1) No Fear Bloodshot Hat

(1) 12-pack of the new No Fear Bloodshot Energy Drink

(1) Lamb of God’s latest CD “Wrath”!!!!!

(1) Sticky Bumps Surf Wax

….

Second place gets to come to my house, tie me up, and aurally feed me the song stylings of Lamb of God. You just have to figure out where I live.

Check out the Birmingham Blitz Derby Dames and Stuttgart Valley Roller Girlz team sites for more info

…Now, on to a plethora of what’s happening…

Border Wars: College Football Recruiting Battles (MoonDog Sports)
BAR IS SOMEWHAT ATTRACTIVE (What Would Tyler Durden Do)
UK Rugger Gets His License Suspended for Three Years for Drunk Driving (Telegraph)
Will Yankees Luxury Suite Controversy Topple Bloomberg Administration? (Deadspin)
Aziz Ansari, Comedian (Gothamist)
Top 10: Music Blogs to Read in 2009!… Including one of my personal favorites Earfarm (via Pop Candy)
Danny Granger’s Three at the Buzzer: ‘You’ve Got to Be Kidding Me’ (Fanhouse)
Lil Wayne on ESPN’s 1st and 10… The Whole 22 Minutes! (Phil Knows Best)
Unlike Josh Hamilton, Chris Andersen Is Comfortable In His Inky Skin (Tirico Suave)
Who will score down under? Australian Open women’s odds (Cuzoogle)
Jon Stewart on Gaza (NY Hoosier)
NFL Year In Review (Intentional Foul)
Bored? Let Diamond Dave get you through the day (9 to Fried)
Noelia’s got some serious backside (on205th)
CHEERLEADER CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A OKLAHOMA SOONERS GREATEST GAMES DVD (The World of Isaac)

Back in the early 2000s, Dan pitched a group of Austin, TX women on the idea of a modern roller derby that he envisioned as “a crazy circus with these clowns unfortunately stabbing each other, these bears on fire on these unicycles.”

They wrangled that grand scheme in a bit, and launched the first of what would grow to include 300+ amateur roller derby leagues Nationwide without Dan. He is credited with conceiving the brainchild however.

The story is of the revival that began in Austin is detailed in the acclaimed 2007 documentary Hell on Wheels. Check out the trailer below.

It was Shenita Stretcher of the Philly Roller Girls emerging to earn the honor, garnering 25% of the vote (219) and just narrowly edging Gotham City’s Beyonslay (203 votes). The Carolina Roller Girls’ Trudy Struction took third.

Shenita (or would you prefer, Ms. Stretcher?) joined the Philly Roller Derby League in 2006. As a member of the Broad Street Butchers, she was named team MVP and Rookie of the Year for the 2007 season. She recently competed at the 2008 Women’s Flat Track Derby Nationals, where Philly took third place.

According to her profile on PhillyRollerDerby.com, some of her likes include left handed redheaded scorpios and pugs, and she dislikes bad tippers (who doesn’t).

Congratulations to Shenita on what I’m sure is one of the standout honors of her young, and promising, roller derby career. And special thanks to all the Hell on Wheels enthusiasts and competitors who took part in the voting.

Check out some photos of Ms. Stretcher, and a video of her in action jammin’ for Philly!

That was before I read any of them however. I believe it was Spinal Tap who said it best when they said, “there’s such a fine line between stupid and clever.” These are clever, in the 80′s porn star and metal groupy (two professions that survive – if not, thrive – today) sense. It’d be an appropriate time to mention that this poll is co-presented by Rafer Alston (formerly Skip 2 My Lu, from And1 Mix-Tape) and Brock Lesner.

I’ve nominated eight fierce, cleverly monikered, Hell on Wheels competitors below for you vote on, one from each of the teams that competed at last week’s WFTDA Roller Derby National Championship. Feel free to write-in other votes in the comments below – whether you’re a roller derby girl, or have a flair for low-brow creativity.

1. Olivia Shootin John ( Texecutioners, Texas Roller Girls )



2. Liza Machete ( B.A.D. All-Stars, Bay Area Derby Girls )



3. Ann R. Kissed ( Rat City Roller Girls )



4. Amanda Jammitinya ( Munecas Muertas, Duke City Derby )



5. Beyonslay ( Bronx Gridlock, Gotham Girls Roller Derby )



6. Yvette Yourmaker ( The Fury, Windy City Rollers )



7. Shenita Stretcher ( Liberty Belles, Philly Roller Girls )



8. Trudy Struction ( Trauma Queens, Carolina Roller Girls )

Gotham absolutely tattooed the second seeded Windy City Roller Girls, from Chicago, in the Championship Match, with a final score of 134-56. You can check out a live-chat blog that took place during the Finals Sunday on DerbyNewsNetwork.com.

The finals was a rematch of the Eastern Regional Championship, where Gotham narrowly edged Windy City by 40 points. In Sunday’s confrontation, GGRD went down 0-4 in the first period – their first deficit of the tournament – before they steamrolled their adversaries from Chicago.

Windy City’s lead jammer Kola Loka was the fan favorite for tourney MVP, getting 38% of the vote online.

The Philly Roller Girls took third place at Nationals, defeating Western Region Champion Texas in the third place grudge match.

If anyone has photo or video content from the Championship, please send my way. Meanwhile, check out some stuff below from your 2008 supreme derby champs from NYC….

Photos from the 2008 National Championship bout between GGRD and WCRD (via Pilly Pickpocket)

NYTimes.com’s report on the Gotham Girls (from Feb. 2007)