The Tiger Woods press conference is going to be Grade A caliber B.S…unless he’s cries. If he cries, it’s going to rule (and hopefully inspire a slow jam). But most likely, it’ll be awful, not at all like this…
via videosift.com
The Wu Tang Clan, not likely to be amongst the six people who were invited to today’s Tiger event.
When it comes to the American news cycle, there’s two can’t-fail ways to incubate a good scandal - compound lying and unabashed stupidity. For instance, going on The Today Show, wearing a temple stud and trying to convince the public that 99% of the rumors that you’re a hussy aren’t true.
Jamie Jungers may have found a way to concoct some sort of unabashed secret sauce of stupid lies, that could keep this baby cycling until we start drawing correlations between the Tiger list and the Madoff list. She’ll singularly standout once this all passes (her, jaimiee grubbs, probably if there’s a lucky #18 on the ‘on the sly’ list…), but the hustlers on Ebay trying to make a gazillion % profit off a Tiger URL that they parked on GoDaddy for $10/year are doing their part on a tier-two level of ridiculousness scope.
If you search for Tiger Woods, categories: “all categories,” and sort by priced highest, the first five and nine of the first ten items listed are Woods-related domains.
An autographed painting of what looks like Tiger with Pangaea in the background for $1,000,000 is listed for a lower price than both Tigerection.com and TigerGotWood.com.
The soft sell for some of these is truly hilarious. For instance, the merchant of Tigersharem.com would like you to let you know that TigersHarem.com would make an “Excellent Business name, especially for the Adult Porn Strip Club Market.” Or if you pick up for TailsofTigerWoods.com, which has a starting bid of $21,000,000, you get a free hat and t-shirt with purchase.
If you want to get in on the Tiger URL market but are too late to the game to get say Tiagrawoods.com, there’s always something like SteviesSeconds.com, which is not going to be great for search out of the gate.
The other day when I said that the Tiger Woods hilarity reached its precipice, I lied…
Found via Buzzfeed
In lieu of any hard news to report regarding the developing Tiger Woods investigation (unless you’re a Tool Academy fan), the hilarity of speculation has reached its precipice.
Tiger: Even in Chinese, Is Funny (Josh Q. Public)
Following Tiger Woods’ car accident/ holiday media debacle this weekend, Yardbarker.com’s Director of Programming and friend to Steady Burn, Alana G, pitched the idea of a Tiger Woods crash video playlist to MTV Jams via Twitter, and MTV might run with it!
It is an 100% true statement to say that MTV considering a video playlist inspired by Tiger’s crash is the biggest media development in the Tiger Woods crash investigation at this time.
Great execution, Alana. If Tiger Woods is determined to play this one so close to the vest that I have to turn on The Today Show this morning and hear the likes of Mike Lupica say, “He’ll golf his way out of this.” (Also, a 100% true statement), then we should be allowed to throw some jabs in his direction.
Check out her suggested playlist at Alanag.yardbarker.com and send her some suggestion. Keeping with the sensibility of MTV Jams (the early 2000’s iteration that I’m most familiar with), for my suggestion - the artist is Usher, the song is ‘Confessions.’
Here’s one friends, about how one golfer beat 3,000,000,000 to 1 odds…
via Canada.com
HALIFAX — Twenty years of chasing a little white ball around a golf course culminated this week in five dizzying days of excitement for Adam Sams.
The 34-year-old lobster fisherman has hit three holes-in-one since Friday at the Highlands Links course in Cape Breton, one of Canada’s most famed public courses.
“It’s pretty amazing. We’ve never seen anything like that around here,” says Joe Robinson, the Links’ pro, who has worked at the historic course in Cape Breton Highlands National Park for 38 years.
The full story reports there was foul language usage and Jack Daniels drinkage (good form, CanWestNews Service, good form).
As a golfer who would love like any other golfer to do this once before I die, I find Sams’ quote zen-like:
“The sun was shining in our eyes, so I saw the ball roll towards the hole, but I couldn’t tell if it had gone in,we didn’t really know until I got up to the green…My first reaction was: ‘There’s eight guys I’ve now got to buy drinks for.’ “
No art on the Canuck miracle lobsterman Adam Sams yet, but I’ve got a picture in mind.
Nova Scotia golfer sinks three holes-in-one (Canada.com)
This is funny to me, because I can’t tell if these guys are in on the joke or not…
Was Was it a good show…tonight, I mean? a real question. That was choice cut awkwardness.I can’t believe she didn’t bite on your shout out, you smooth operator you.
Of course, then there was Mark Sanchez’ failed attempt (at humor). I like to call these dad jokes.
Hard to believe, but the U.S. Open is indeed over. This year’s victor Lucas Glover might as well be Crispin Glover in Back to the Future III. His time has passed. Time to move on to real golf entertainment, or at least a tournament that’s guaranteed not to finish up on a Monday while your at work. I’m talking of course about the American Century Championship, held every summer in Lake Tahoe - the land of gambling, skiing, that horrible Piven movie Smokin’ Aces, and a place where no man’s golf game would ever get delayed an extra day.
Every year about 80 celebs escape to the Lake so that they can put their 40-yard slices power-fades on display to be broadcast on NBC. Over the years, friendships have been forged at this event. Charles Barkley already challenged Alonzo Mourning to see who can get the lower score this year (probably be around 125). This year, TAHOECELEBRITYGOLF.COM has decided to enlist the sports blog intelligentsia to help foster new connections of would-be golf prowess. Take a look at the list below of the 2009 participants and select your Fantasy Pairings (could be a twosome, threesome, or foursome), and send me your quote-unquote rationale. Next Week leading up to the tournament, we’ll post the best and vote.
The winner is going get their fantasy pairing printed as a by-line in the 2010 American Century Program, which is a family publication, so keep it less-than offensive. TahoeCelebrityGolf.com will also send free merchandise to the top entries. To enter, either email me here or post a short entry on your blog and link back here. Readers are free to enter as well!
Voting kicks off next Monday and the winner will be decided during tournament week beginning July 13.
For my personal, yet very ineligible, submission I’m throwing out a threesome that no Country Club manager would ever dare try to put pin a single with: David Wells, Chuck Liddell and Brian Baumgartner, who plays Kevin on The Office.
These guys could be brothers if you ask me, the kind of brothers that go drink Budweiser in the garage of their parents house for 6 1/2 hours…and then go play a round. You see why I couldn’t have put Alfonso Ribeiro in this group.
Extra favor or consideration may be given to anyone who makes a case for a grouping that features Carlton from Fresh Prince. Check out the list…
I don’t even know Briny Baird, son of Butch Baird, but what a guy! He won the whole damn Country P.F. Changs!
Yesterday, while a whole lot of you were sitting at work dreaming about P.F. Chang’s chicken lettuce wraps, B.B. was atop the Omni Hotel in San Diego staring down at a make-shift bullseye set-up in right field of Petco Park, home of the San Diego Padres.
The task at hand, take ten shots from the 300+ foot elevated tee. If a single one landed in the center of the bullseye, every man and woman alive in America would receive a free P.F. Chang wrap (the kicker: you have to buy a damn entree. RATS!) Additionally, for every bullseye P.F. Chang’s donated $2,000 to the San Diego Navy/ Marine Corps Relief Society ($1,000 and $500 for the outer rings).
Now this was an elevated tee. It sat Monday on the roof of the Omni San Diego Hotel, 34 floors – 340 feet or thereabouts – above L Street, 268 yards to a flag stabbed into Petco Park’s right field turf and surrounded by a large bull’s-eye. Tough hole, but maybe the most picturesque in the history of golf.
Little wind, but always a threat of tricky gusts. No trees. Possible nosebleed. The only rough was the shot itself. Not since Alan Shepard sliced a few on the moon had we seen anything like it. A David Letterman stunt, perhaps. (SignOnSanDiego.com)
Briny put two in the center, and 8 of 10 in the scoring area - raising $17,500, which Chang’s upped to $25 large. Novel charity work by all (we all lost interest in the chicken lettuce wraps after hearing the damn entree kicker).
Go check out the video on SignOnSanDiego.com
Interestingly enough, the LPGA held an all hands on deck over the weekend where the message to the golfers was basically, “Be more like Natalie.”
The LPGA lost five tourneys this year due to sponsors dropping out, and in an effort to curb this behavior officials are looking for the ladies to get out themselves out there and starting shilling. In the ranks of the LPGA, Natalie Gulbis is the poster girl for self-promotion and marketing. From pin-up calendars, to The Apprentice, to Twitter…
Way to airmail that putt, Strokie McLuckerson.
Kudos to my man Zachary however - a pillar of restraint. A lot of guys probably would have had Natalie hoisted ten feet in the air, or tried to go for their Bogie-Bacall moment.
