The following is an actual (read: completely made up) transcript of a conversation between writer/producers of the 82nd Annual Academy Awards from Sunday night:
Producer: The show is only 3 hours long. How do we make people want to go to bed before the Best Picture is announced and shortchange the winner-to-be’s acceptance speech due to time constraints?
Writer: Another musical number with Neil Patrick Harris?
Producer: Nah, people enjoy him. Might give them a second wind. We want people to go to SLEEP.
Writer: What if we unnecessarily put five actors on stage before both the Best Actor & Best Actress nominees are unveiled…Yeah, Five actors who….who….Who have previous relationships with the nominees and….and….
Producer: Yes….yes…GO on….you’re getting there…
Writer: …who have previous relationships with the nominees and who each ramble for 5 minutes about what great people the nominees are and include a bunch of inside jokes? That’ll make the show AT LEAST 30 minutes longer than necessary, right?!
Producer: Brilliant. Simply brilliant. Say you remember the first time you and I were working on the Academy Awards five years ago? It was your first time doing it and you said to me….
(Five Minutes later)
Producer (cont’d): …and I’ll never forget the fact that you pimp slapped an intern. That really stuck with me. Congratulations on your success, Writer.
Editor’s Note: I’ll give you one guess as to what my only gripe was with Sunday night’s Oscar ceremony. Of course if they really wanted to trim down speeches and time, maybe they should have heightened security…
Liberals were not pleased with last month’s Supreme Court ruling in Citizen’s United v. Federal Election Commission that corporate funding of independent political broadcasts in candidate elections was protected as free speech under the First Amendment and could not be limited by campaign finance laws. The constitutional logic of the case is fairly sound: in a recent New York Times article, Justice Thomas said the First Amendment’s protections applied “regardless of how people chose to assemble to participate in the political process:”
“If 10 of you got together and decided to speak, just as a group, you’d say you have First Amendment rights to speak and the First Amendment right of association,” he said. “If you all then formed a partnership to speak, you’d say we still have that First Amendment right to speak and of association.”
Cue doomsayers and pundit panic attacks. The obvious consequence is that corporations will now have an unrestrained ability to funnel cash into candidates who best serve their interests, which also means that anyone deadest on running for office (and remember, money talks more than talking points do) and looking to max out on campaign donations is more likely to pander to corporations than individual contributors (although the later model of asking for $5 donations from millions of people worked superbly for President Obama). The potential urgency of correction this mistake was highlighted by a point which President Obama incorrectly noted in his State of the Union address was that foreign corporations could influence American elections (they are actually barred from doing so by law).
Anyway, that’s not the point of this post. The point is that one corporation is trying to make things right, albeit with a hefty dose of good old-fashion tongue-in-cheek irony. Murray Hall Incorporated, a liberal PR firm recently announced that it would run in the Republican primary in Maryland’s 8th Congressional district. “Until now,” Murray Hill Inc. said in a statement, “corporate interests had to rely on campaign contributions and influence peddling to achieve their goals in Washington. But thanks to an enlightened Supreme Court, now we can eliminate the middle-man and run for office ourselves.”
Murry Hill released a faux campaign video dripping with irony last week on its newly created campaign website announcing its run:
“It’s a new day. Until now, corporations influenced politics with high-paid lobbyists and backroom deals. However, as much as corporate interests gave to politicians, we could never be absolutely sure they did our bidding. But today, thanks to the enlightened Supreme Court, corporations have all the rights the Founding Fathers meant for us.”
This week in 1994, New York City kind-of- a rap group Fu-Schnickens released their second album Nervous Breakdown. It featured the hit single What's Up Doc? (Can We Rock) w/ a guest appearance from Shaq Fu, himself.
Shaq's adeptness at inventing halfwords – like alidocious – would not be fully appreciated until later in history…
That would be my dismal non-attempt at offering an opening line to the Lil’ Wayne tribute rap for Usain Bolt. The song is probably already in production – probably already in post-production considering the news that Bolt is a fan of Weezy came out hours ago.
“When I was in the Olympics,” he told us, “I didn’t really listen to music. During the Olympics, it was mainly reggae, a little hip-hop. But I like Lil Wayne, Jay-Z, those guys. That’s who we listen to in Jamaica. A little bit of Ludacris. But as long as it’s hot, we got it.” [...]
“Right now, it’s Lil Wayne, #1,” he said. “He’s hot. He’s got everything. He sings the right tunes. I’m seriously listening to all his songs right now. Really sitting down, listening to his lyrics, and he’s got his lyrics [down] pat now. He’s got his lyrics. He’s coming up like Jay-Z. He’s smooth. He’s got a different flow from Jay-Z, but lyrics-wise, he’s got it. He’s a lyricist. Lil Wayne, Jay-Z, I don’t care who comes third. These guys have the whole place on edge, man. It’s hot.”
He run fast, Weezy gets cash…
Geez, I am a wack MC. Can you think of anything better? Doesn’t matter. Wayne’s already dashed his way in and out of the studio. It’s probably on like 7 mixtapes by now.
Speaking of, How did Mixtape Daily get an interview with Usain Bolt?
We’re all aware of Kenny Loggin’s trancendent work on Caddyshack, or Survivor’s contributions to The Karate Kid, Rocky III…Rocky IV…some movie called Vital Signs (All but one song on their greatest hits record can be found on a sports movie soundtrack, I think). I’m even fairly certain that nobody I know has seen the movie Chariots of Fire – but they all know the title track!
The songs on this list come from classic sports films that you’ve definitely seen (maybe not Hot Rod). Hopefully, from artists that you know (Gang of Four, Explosions in the Sky), but probably didn’t know the specific song (or any of the songs in the artist’s catalog, ex. Twista).
“Your Hand in the Mind” – Explosions in the Sky (Friday Night Lights)
Several people have told me that EIS are one of the bands that when you see them live the whole crowd just stands at attention, and no one makes a sound. Well, they certainly cast quite a grip with their soundtrack contributions to Friday Night Lights. “Your Hand In Mind” is the theme song, and man does it make Billy Bob Thornton look tense.
Here’s a taste of it live too…
Other tracks of merit:
“Six Days at the Bottom of the Ocean” Explosions in the Sky
“First Breath after Coma” Explosions in the Sky
“Bring the Noise” Public Enemy
“Never” Moving Pictures (Hot Rod)
We watched the credits the other night, and there are eight songs in this movie by Europe that aren’t “The Final Countdown.” However, “Never” by Moving Pictures is the most memorable track in Hot Rod, thanks to one epic fall by Andy Samberg. (Well aware that this whole thing was a spoof on Footloose. Unfortunately, that movie does NOT qualify.)
Other tracks of merit:
“Danger on the Track” Europe
“On the Loose” Europe
“Rock The Night” Europe
“Ninja” Europe
“Love Chaser” Europe
“Cherokee” Europe
“Heart of Stone” Europe
“Time Has Come” Europe
Desire - Gang of Four (The Karate Kid)
In Cal-if-for-knee-ya.
I haven’t seen this movie in years, and have no idea when it shows up in the movie – I guess we can rule out the sequence when Mr Miyagi is trimming his bonsai tree.
Gang of Four is best known for their post-punk offerings of the late 70s, and have been cited as major influence by the likes of Rage Against the Machine, Fugazi and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I’m thinking those musicians relate more to GO4 tunes like To Hell With Poverty and Damaged Goods, still this song also has some nice a-slappin da bass.
Other tracks of merit:
“NO SHELTER” Broken Edge
“YOU’RE THE BEST” Bill Conti
Twista Feat. Faith Evans (Coach Carter)
Gospel rap crossover, not by R.Kelly or P.Diddy, for once.
I took Spanish seriously this entire movie (which was not easy, considering how many time Samuel L called him and everybody else sir).
“Locked Up” Akon
“Let the Drummer Kick It” Citizen Cope
“Get Low” Lil Jon
Hoop Dreams – Tone AKA The Deacon (Hoop Dreams)
This one harks back to the days when 97% of rap song began with Yo, wat up, wat up, wat up. And sorry, but ‘embedding disabled by request’ still occasionally remains the bane of our existence.
About 30 secs in Tone AKA The Deacon delivers the line the streets continue to test me, like a full court press, gee. After that, it get’s painstakingly redundant, but that one bit, I thought, was pretty solid.
Other tracks of merit:
“Fast Break” Tone AKA The Deacon
“The Original Lesson” Shock-G
Burn On – Randy Newman (Major League)
I abhor a lot of Randy Newman’s stuff – especially, his soundtrack work as matter of fact. He’s much more well known for his ghastly contributions to, for example, the Toy Story franchise. But hey, “Burn On’ is not half bad. Here’s a clip someone created, not from the Major League, but of the history of Indians franchise. Another shining example of how much Indians fans have embraced Major League…
Other tracks of merit:
“Wild Thing” – X
“Must Have Got Lost” J.Geils Band (3:32) (Miracle)
Respectfully, nobody ever did Geils better than when Sandler does Love Stinks in Wedding Singer. However, most people don’t realize that J. Geils practically built his career around a fan base of hockey players in the late 1970s. Hence, that’s how Musta Got Lost made it’s way into the movie about the greatest achievement by that group of dudes, who in their downtime sipped budweiser, wore polyester track jackets, grew sweet mustaches, and listened to J.Geils.
Other tracks of merit:
“Don’t Fear the Reaper” Blue Oyster Cult
“Dream On” Aerosmith
“Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” Brenda Lee
During a conference call to promote the upcoming American Century Championship Celebrity Golf Tournament in Lake Tahoe, ‘Zo expounded on the imminent NBA Championship victory of the Lakers. Let’s just say, if this were Good Will Hunting, Koby is Damon and Phil is Affleck…Casey Affleck.
He left out, “put me and a pair of tinted lenses on the sideline!”
Phil’s response..well, his response if I were Phil:
Time Out Alonzo, how many rings do you have as compared to my nine secured and tenth one fast approaching? what? WHAT?
The answer is of course, Alonzo got the single ring many moons ago with Miami in 1996. He’s also a 100/1 favorite to win the American Century Championship (July 14-19) in Nevada next month.
Unlike this guy, Natalie Gulbis doesn’t have five career hole-in-ones (she has two), but, to borrow a line from the incomparable Mitch Hedberg, she did “hit a guy.”
Each year hundreds of thousands apply to be amongst the 10,000 or so chosen to compete in the New York City Marathon, a race that draws close to 2 million course-side spectators. On race day, most of the onlookers aren’t there to see the perfect heartrate contol of some Kenyan, but to support everyday guys like Dan Vallejo and Jeff Crowell. Friends since high school, Jeff and Dan – both in their mid-twenties – made a pact that this is the year they conquer the marathon. I traded emails with the guys to talk about the upcoming race, and their marathon charity website WeAreNotAthletes.com.
Fellas, In stark contrast to how most average guys live their lives, you are on the verge of actually following through and completing a life challenge. What I need to know is, can you give me an example of an endeavor where you came up short in a fashion that so many of us have grown use to and apathetic by…?
Jeff: To be honest, we originally talked about running the Marathon last year and never followed through with it for whatever reasons. It’s one thing to talk about doing something like this, but when it comes down to actually ‘pulling the trigger’ and making the decision, it can be easy to make up excuses and not follow through. So this year, we decided that we were going to run the Race, but in our own way, and that’s where the idea for [the website] originated. We wanted to provide an engaging way for our friends and family to get more involved in our training, our fundraising and the race.
Your website promoting the race is called We Are Not Athletes. You are a year into your brutal training regime, and if that were entirely true you would surely either be dead or in some decrepit state. What is your most impressive athletic achievement from your past? Mine was winning the town Little League championship when I was 12 (I’m now 24…)
DAN: It’s a toss up between winning the New England Regatta for men’s crew in high school or holding the high score in photo hunt for a couple of hours.
I’ve heard varied advice for racers post-marathon – ranging from your not supposed to drink, to don’t even try to walk. What is the point in doing something like this, if there is no bruhaha when you’re done? Can you shed some light here?
Jeff: They say you’re supposed to walk for at least 20 minutes after the race. If I can still stand by the time I finish, I’ll probably try to walk for a bit, have some water, then most certainly have a celebratory beer with my friends and family. I mean, how could you not have a beer after completing the NYC Marathon? Guess we’ll see how it goes though.
There’s a place your bets option on WeAreNotAthletes.com. I like this, because it reflects my personal code that in life, gambling is almost always a viable option. Care to elaborate on how this works?
Dan: Who doesn’t like a good competition? We added the place your bets functionality to make the site more interactive and engaging for anyone visiting. The way it works is simple, you enter the time in which you think Jeff or I will complete the race and this number is averaged along with every other bet placed during the last couple of weeks, the updated number is reflected in the race time estimates on the home page. As of today Jeff is predicted to be a little faster than me, I can assure you that will not be the case on race day.
Let me read you the first sentence of Ryan Reynolds story, ‘Why I’m Running the New York City Marathon’,from The Huffington Post: A couple of years ago, I walked uptown to Central Park on one of those perfect November days. The air had a bite to it while the sun shone bright! (guh…) What kind of retribution will you rain down (on behalf of the people) if you see him on the course?
Dan: So the tone of the quote is a bit cheesy, but I can’t knock it too hard, as I am a huge fan of Just Friends. Everyone has their own reason for running 26.2 miles, you could put together a very interesting reel of all the different reasons and causes people run the NYC Marathon for. Parkinson’s disease research is a great cause to be running for and if that is Ryan Reynold’s, than I support it. When I smoke him on the course I will give him a Van Wilder shout out.
(Indeed, to be fair Reynolds is running as a tribute to his father. This question was merely a bitter jab on my part, directly related to Reynolds locking up Scarlet Johannson. Why did you make me do it, Reynolds? Why?)
As someone who plans to join in the raceday festivities, but is only up for about 20 minutes of watching exasperated people scurry by, breathing like a herd of wounded wildebeest before I move on and start celebrating on your behalf, optimum location?
Jeff: Well, the Finish at Tavern on the Green in Central Park will be very exciting for starters. From what I hear, it seems as though another great spot to watch the race from is on 59th and 1st by the Queensboro Bridge. At the 16th mile, it’s the pivotal point in the race where you can really see the effect the Marathon has on everyone. First Avenue, in general, will be a great spot to cheer on all the runners though, and join in on the race day festivities.
Dan: If you are in Manhattan, First Avenue is the most rowdy and the most fun location to watch the race from. Bar Coastal is on 78th and first and probably will be where we direct our friends to stand and cheer. Just don’t be one of those people offering the runners doughnuts and cigarettes, we don’t appreciate it.
Jeff and Dan’s hit the five borough course of the ING NYC Marathon next Sunday, Nov. 2nd. They didn’t have to say it, but I got the impression this interview gave them the added boost they were looking for to get through the last few weeks of training. Don’t mention it guys.
So far, Jeff and Dan have raised close to $6,000 for the American Cancer Society and Hole in the Wall Camps, which was founded by Paul Newman and is the world’s largest family of camps for children with serious illnesses and life-threatening conditions.
Go to WeAreNotAthletes.com to make a donation, and check out Jeff and Dan’s training video below…
So, while we were trying to jam the sofa bed up the stairs, the neighbors start playing How Deep Is Your Love? by the Bee Gees. (’cause we’re living in a world of dreams fools!)
