Yet another pristine day at The Masters. Going to keep the brief updates of mediocrity going on Day Two.

Eat it, McIlroy.

Here’s what annoys me about Rory:

1.) I constantly refer to him as Roy (for obvious reasons), and come off looking like an idiot

2.) Success at a young age is something to be suspect of. That’s why I’m trying to get rich, slowly.

McIlroy shot a five-over par 77 today to put him at +7 for the tournament, four strokes off the cut.

UPDATE: +3 is the new projected cut! Miguel A. Jimenez is in! (Capt. Ben Crenshaw, still out.)

Check out his scorecard on MajorChampionships.com

Yet another pristine day at The Masters. Going to keep the brief updates of mediocrity going on Day Two.

Miguel Jimenez. What’s wrong with you? You have more bravado in that ponytail alone than Lee Westwood and Ian Poulter combined! How are you going to shoot 75 today, and just miss the cut? (Currently, projected at +2; M.A.J. is in the clubhouse at +3.)

Hope you and Capt. Crenshaw have a nice time smoking stoges on the sidelines this weekend, Mike.

Check out his scorecard on MajorChampionships.com

Yet another pristine day at The Masters. Going to keep the brief updates of mediocrity going on Day Two.

Double bogey. Bogey. Double bogey. Bogey. Double bogey. PAR!

If I post that at Van Cortland Park while downing Coors Original, that’s one thing. However, this is how the first six holes went for Alexander Walter Barr “Sandy” Lyle today at The Masters – which is an abomination.

After shooting a 69 yesterday, Lyle’s 2010 have officially come to a grinding halt. He’ll make a pre-Cut exit after finishing at +11 for the tournament.

Check out his first round scorecard on MajorChampionships.com

Yet another pristine day at The Masters. Going to keep the brief updates of mediocrity going on Day Two.

They’re projecting the cut will be +4. After just sinking a birdie at 12 to move to +15, Michael Campbell needs to start making eagles, now.

That birdie is just his third at The Masters, to go along with 11 bogeys and three double bogeys.

He’s making it abundantly clear that he stinks.

In honor of this very glorious Day One at The Masters, aspiring to make multiple brief updates strictly pertaining to who shows up and lays down.

Ian Woosnam stinks. I haven’t heard his name since approx. 1992.*

Woosie is +9. Only Mike Campbell (+11) posted a lower score.

In other news, Tiger Woods is currently on pace to post his lowest first day score at The Masters ever.

*Woosnam won the damn thing in ’91. Give credit where credit is due.

Check out his first round scorecard on MajorChampionships.com

In honor of this very glorious Day One at The Masters, aspiring to make multiple brief updates strictly pertaining to who shows up and lays down.

Does anyone know Vijay’s World Rank off the top of their head? Of course not, because you don’t like him. He’s not a very attractive guy to root for – what with the uncouth remarks, and what not.

Battling a bad back, The Big Fijian is in the clubhouse at +4. Dubious moments from his round today include five bogeys and two double bogeys – which includes a 6 on the first hole.

Check out his first round scorecard on MajorChampionships.com

In honor of this very glorious Day One at The Masters, aspiring to make multiple brief updates strictly pertaining to who shows up and lays down.

At the rate the field is going, Jim Furyk may have to card in the low 60s to make the cut tomorrow. (Even so, can you completely count The Grinder out?) After being two-under thru three at one point, Furyk sank four double-bogeys on the back nine and shot a plus-8 80 today. Currently, that’s putting him tied for 93rd with A. Hansen. I bet you can find out why they call Furyk The Grinder faster than you can find out A. Hansen’s first name.

Check out his first round scorecard on MajorChampionships.com

In honor of this very glorious Day One at The Masters, aspiring to make multiple brief updates strictly pertaining to who shows up and lays down.

There are far worse rounds completed and on-going. However, Tom Watson is in the clubhouse at -5, which puts Rory Sabbatini eight off the pace after 18 holes. Plus, he’s a jerk. This is by far my favorite collections of mis-fires early on today. Again, anything can happen. But I’m definitely voting for the more stand-up guys – a Larry Mize, a Jim Furyk, a Capt. Ben Crenshaw – to turn it around tomorrow far more than Sabbatini.

Check out his first round scorecard on MajorChampionships.com

In honor of this very glorious Day One at The Masters, aspiring to make multiple brief updates strictly pertaining to who shows up and lays down.

Taking this brief, first opportunity in the early hours of Day One, to all but eliminate The Walrus from the running at this year’s Masters. Now, anything can happen. However, Stadler after posting a 79 is in the clubhouse at +7. This leaves him poised to start tomorrow at least seven back (lowest score in the clubhouse is even) in, as it stands right now, 68th place.

Check out his first round scorecard on MajorChampionships.com