This was once again not your prepubescent self’s kickball…

In the second game I watched during yesterday’s Third Annual International Kickball Invitational in Brooklyn, N.Y., a girl playing first base was brought to the ground by an opposing player barreling down the base line. His tackling technique was nothing if not textbook. She bounced back remarkably well from the bear hug take down, as her team’s second baseman ran to cover her up – as one of her boobs had freed itself from her bikini top.

Along with All-Star teams assembled from the Brooklyn League, there were squads in attendance from Canada (read: International!), the deep South (Atlanta), and the midwest (Hoboken, NJ).

The eventual champions – one of the four Brooklyn teams – notched a mercy rule victory in their second game of the day, against a team that came all the way from Toronto.

So did you guys rent a church van or something? I asked some the Canadians. No, gas is stupid, we took the bus…it took 11 hours. That’s a long ways to come to get throttled like that.

The tournament ran all day Saturday from 1 – 11 p.m. – which by my estimation is the longest recorded kickball tournament since Jesus coined the term balls in 15 A.D. (Quote: Get these balls, sucka sayeth the Lord to Judas; Corinthian 21:12)

McCarron Park in BK provided the ultimate self-indulgent backdrop for an organized group of several hundred adults playing an elementary school game. Like most hot, humid days in New York, the park was overrun with beautiful people laying on beach towels, just sort of looking at each other. Also, there was not one, but dueling Mister Softee trucks – which will be getting my business, I wonder?

Prior to the start of the tournament, I spent a good amount of time sitting on a bench drinking a 32-ounce Budweiser out of styrofoam cup watching these Polish kids pelt each other with water balloons. A little girl about five flanked me, and hit me square in the junk with one. Miraculously, it didn’t pop; she was so mad it didn’t explode all over me. I was relieved, I didn’t need to walk around the rest of the day with wet junk.

Even though they didn’t play particularly well, the Canadians did show up with Maple Leaf umbrella hats, an apparent traveling mascot dressed as Dionysus, and ketchup flavored potato chips.

Luckily I had the 32-ounce King of Beers or I never would have gotten the taste of those putrid chips out of my mouth.

See some more photos of the tournament below, as well as one of the more clever trash cans I’ve seen in my day. Check out more at BrooklynKickball.com as well.

You’ve probably heard about the guy who was arrested Sunday in Macy’s while on his way to a kickball game carrying his trusty rapier. The New York Post called Lawrence Jackson a bonehead buccaneer.

He’s being charged with criminal weapon possession.

Also on the kickball crime wire this week…Howard Altman of the Tampa Tribune writes:

Another kickball game, another melee

On Sunday in Tampa, two fights broke out amongst as many as 100 people during a women’s kickball league game – one right after the other had been calmed by police.

People at the scene told the police that the fight had nothing to do with the kickball game, and it started because of an argument over a video on YouTube.

No one was arrested, but the cops ensured irate league organizers that the league was finished in the park. On April 13, the city made nine arrests linked to the same kickball gathering.

The league was resuming play for the first time since staging a protest against the City, who were demanding that they pay for permits to use the parks. After meeting with league officials, the City Park & Rec department agreed to wave the fee.

Community activist Michelle Williams told ABC Action News that she was extremely disappointed. I stuck my neck out for them. She had gone to bat for the league, filing a complaint on their behalf with the NAACP.

Two isolated incidence of criminal recklessness linked by kickball in one week? Is it too soon to call this a trend?

This is actually my first year participating in the would-be infamous Brooklyn Kickball League – it does well to propagate the undeniable fact that there is little better than playing sports and drinking, and not much else. Certainly, it has little to do with the imminent decline in Western Civilization.

If anything, the pattern we’re seeing (that I’m not sure needs to be pointed out to most people) is that if you play a fourth-grade game, tread lightly….any stray (felonious or just slightly mischievous) is a lob to the media. On Monday, With Leather took a succinctly worded pot-shot – can’t say I blame them – at Jackson and the Brooklyn Kickball League stating: A guy who plays in an ironic kickball league where they dress up in costumes IN NEW YORK was awarded the gold medal in the Douchebag Olympics yesterday.

Assuming we see more, prepare for the blips in the kickballers’ command of the status quo to be well-publicized. Because, Lance, I assure you that not every criminal weapons charge in New York gets a AP story…that’s picked up in Edmonton.

Kickball Shenanigans Links:

• Pirate Kickballer Faces CHHHHAAAARRRGGGGES

• YouTube Video Sparks Kickball Game Brawl, Police Say

• 100 Involved in Fight at Kickball Game, Police Say

• Tampa Police Deal With Fights At Park Kickball Game

• Buccaneer Bust

• Sword-Wielding Man Arrested

• Gothamist: Kickball Pirate Arrested With Sword In Macy’s