This is Hillary. Isn’t she adorable? (don’t be fooled…). She graciously offered to serve as the featured PBR Tour attendee and post on the following topic:

If you were offered free Pabst for the rest of your life…

What are the Top-3 Possessions (Belonging to your Roommates) That you would Light on Fire

There are quite a few goods belonging to my debonair and lithe roommates that I would not hesitate to hurl into a conflagration in the name of PBR…the first being Berger’s Aerobercise VHS collection, along with the sweatbands, spandex leggings and leotards that accompany the 6am-daily routine. As much as I adore watching any hot man sweat it out to the 80’s…I must protest that being woken up by earth shaking jumping jacks to “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” is losing its comedic appeal.

Next, out of my pure “big sis’ looking out for her lil’ bro” sentiment, I would have to douse in jet fuel and then take a match to Riccardi’s Hannah Montana bedding, posters and bean bag chair. The man is a P.I.M.P. Let me just state that for the record. However, I have a hunch that outfitting him with some new bedroom digs just might lead to a magnanimous action-influx in the boom boom room. (Being the saint I am, I will allow him to keep her CDs and collecting cards).

Lastly, and with a twinge of regret, I would aim my flame thrower at their most recent “grand scheme”: The Bergdorf Astoria Ball Pit. I admit, it was fun the first few days…but turning the living room into a McDonald’s style playpen has lost its appeal and has also lost all of the tv remotes, 2 of my cell phones, my ipod, house keys and on Saturday Berger’s virginity as well- throwing the nearly non existent sanitation factor of the ball pit out the window.

And by the by, I will not hesitate to perform any of these arsonary feats if really given this PBR for LIFE deal. Don’t make any promises you can’t keep or I just may set you on fire too.

It bares mentioning that these are the two imbeciles in reference here. Well done Hillary.

Hope to see you all tomorrow!

Back by popular – or dare I say, rabid – demand, this Saturday we will be holding the 2nd Semi-Annual PBR Tour in New York City.

For those of you not in the know, this is your standard bar crawl. Unique to this is that all the watering holes have been carefully selected based on the fact that they sell cans of PBR for $2.

We called each bar- claiming to be Mr. Pabst – confirming ample stock.

It’s starts at 4 p.m. EST at Ace Bar, and the order of bars is included below. Also, check out MapFaced.com for more details. (Note which event is numero uno on their list of 5 Buzzworthy Crawls!)

There is a suggested $5 donation to CharityWater.org. It’s suggested, but listen, folks, this is not like going to The Met, ok? Look at what she’s drinking for Christ’s sakes:

That girl’s water is burnt siena. There’s also the possibility that if we raise enough money some of the proceeds could be allocated towards creating life-size cardboard cut-outs of people you might know.

Any questions, email me at mikeehayes@gmail.com. Also, if you plan on tipping off the authorities, I’d appreciate a heads-up.

Check back tomorrow when we’ll have a post from featured tour attendee Hillary Moloney – who will offer her Top-3 Possessions (belonging to her roommates) she would light on fire if it meant free PBR for life.

The Bars:

1.) Ace Bar (E. 5th, between Ave. A & B) – The Tour kicks off at 4 p.m.

2.) Cheap Shots (1st Ave., between St. Marks & 9th)

3.) Coyote Ugly (1st Ave., between 9th & 10th)

4.) Crif Dogs (St. Marks, between 1st & Ave. A)

5.) Dempsey’s Pub (2nd Ave., between 3rd & 4th)

6.) Welcome to the Johnsons (Rivington, between Essex & Norfolk)