In the interest of idealists nationwide, each Friday I’m going to draft a list of how I could be better spending my time if I wasn’t confined to the office.

Because I am nothing, if not overly productive, during freedom time.

Lobbying in favor of alcohol sponsorship in sports

Calling in an anonymous tip on Joey Porter, that meth head! (Do pay phones still exist?)

Three words: Stairmaster Segway Hybrid

Whip up some spiced poached iceberg lettuce

Cruise around on a Strida folding bike, avoid getting taken out

Complete a flawless run in the game Mouse Trap

Start a tribute band (Hall & Oates, maybe?). Apparently, they’re big business with late night TV shows

Visit sunny Pittsburgh, which after not interesting me as a city for almost 25 years, finally gives me a reason to go there

Buy a 2009 calendar, and check off all the days that UCONN basketball has Nationally televised games

Go as Natalie Coughlin’s date to the Golden Goggle Awards

A little light on quantity today, and for that, I apologize. And though 20 of these clearly exemplifies that I’ve grown lethargic, beyond the shadow of a doubt, 10 is still pretty despondent. Godspeed.