In the Holiday hierarchy, I put Fourth of July at a strong #5 (after Halloween, Thanksgiving, New Years Eve and Bulletproof Saturday). It’s a very solid holiday. The three best things about Independence Day in reverse order…

3.) Coolers of Domestic Canned Brews

2.) Freedoms, F#ck yeah

1.) Copious amount of hot dogs, Double F#ck yeah

Fireworks are overrated. In honor of the official wiener holiday, I feel compelled to recognize the athletes that bring showmanship to that upper echelon of arrogance known as hot doggin’ here are your top five in no particular order:

Deion Sanders

Chad Johnson, Steve Smith, his former-teammate and brother in hot doggin’ Michael Irvin, they could all make a case for being the biggest NFL hotdog. In my opinion, Deion was the original and no one did it better.

Deion raises you the “Deion Sanders Hot Dog Express,” Chad.

Ricky Davis

Deion is a great example of why hot doggin’ is not necessarily detrimental to one’s performance. Ricky Davis, is not. He’s basically Wesley Snipes in White Men Can’t Jump playing against better guys. Also, Reggie Miller is my runner-up for basketball hot-doggin’.

Manny Ramirez

Not as much of a cautionary tale of hot doggin’ it as Davis, but pretty damn close. Manny invented and constantly toes the line between hot doggin’ and foolishness. Interested to see if he keeps it up when he makes it back from suspension jail purgatory.

Alexander Ovechkin

The guy scored 52 goals in his rookie season. Plus, Wale made him the first hockey player to be mentioned in a rap song (Do it for the capital, Wale Ovechkin). He can start breakdancing after goals if he wants, if you ask me.

Ronaldo

Kind of a darkhorse for the top five, Ronaldo is actually a hot dog tandem threat.

Hot dog showman on the pitch…

Nice eventual pass out of the box, Fancy Feet.

And hot dog…connoisseur, shovel, black hole. Double points for being a fatty fat fat.

Honorable Mention:

Kobayashi, just because the guy’s sport could be called hot-doggin’. He is probably gonna be like “dude, really?” once he realizes he didn’t make the top five. I personally find his performances to be cerebral at best.

Happy Fourth Everyone!

Hip-Hop’s leading paper chaser turned ESPN.com blogger, Lil Wayne, is now podcasting too. You can check it out here: “Tim Tebow has a chip on his shoulder the size of a funyon,” brace yourself for 5+ minutes of shout outs towards the end.

During the first of the two fresh podcasts put up yesterday, Weezy had a message for favorite Major Leaguer, Manny Ramirez (i’m his number one fan, and his number two fan), saying if Manny goes to his hated Yankees he’s going to dedicate the best song on Tha Carter IV to reprimanding Manny (quote, if he goes blue, I’m off the mane train, mang).

Five-Year-Old Chef Gets His Own Show (NPR.org)
What’s Wrong With The Cavaliers? (Waiting For Next Year)
Top 10 Fictitious Wrestling “Hometowns” and the Athlete Most Likely to Hail From there (Hugging Harold Reynolds)
Five feature films now playing in the NBA (Cuzoogle)
Portland, OR: Ballin in the City of Roses (Fan Foodie)
Celebrity Buddhists Busted (City Rag)
Mickey Rourke Joins Cast of Stallone’s New Flick (via Pop Candy)
Amateur Assistance for Kerry Collins’s Amateur Musical Career (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

Thankfully, this was tee’d up as the Lil Wayne death hoax – hoax being the opportune term. Thanks Pop Candy for couching that, I don’t know if I could handled this otherwise.

….And what of my unnatural fascination with Lil Wayne? The guy is a hook machine!

Former Patriots Cheerleader Caitlin Davis Artistic Skills Very Popular In Australia (Busted Coverage)
Davin Meggett Is Not Evil Like His Father (Mister Irrelevant)
Dodgers will offer Manny Ramirez the second-highest annual salary ever. (FanIQ Blog)
Antonio McDyess interests Celtics (via The Big Lead)
LeBron James Dressed as Danny Zucco for Halloween, Video (NESW Sports)

The Dodger clinched the NL West title on Thursday, and are playoff bound. Rafael Furcal is just psyched he doesn’t have to report to jail at the end of this season.

Week 4 NFL Power Rankings (NE Patriots Draft)
Thanks For Choking Again Trojans (MoonDog Sports)
Lil’ Wayne Is Not Only a Packers Fan, He Is Also a Blogger; Awesomeness Ensues (FANHOUSE)
THE JENNY CRAIG ALL-STARS (The World of Isaac)
Tale of the Tape: Wall Street Vs. New York Mets (SI Extra Mustard)

Julia Child was a spy (sort of) prior to her career hosting a frightening cooking show. That is awesome.

A Philadelphia man sought to extort money… (Deadspin)
IT FELT LIKE MY ARM EXPLODED (World of Isaac)
Forget About The Michael Phelps Diet. Try The Blogger Diet. (Don Chavez)
Dreadlock Deadlock Ends, Sort Of (FanIQ)
Rage To Rock During Democratic Convention (via Pop Candy)

Considering that the movie came out in 1985, these Goonies sneakers are pretty futuristic – minus the burlap sack they come in. (via Pop Candy)

Sports Center Fights Are Always Fun (Awful Announcing)
When Athletes Blog… (Ladies…)
NBC Hopes To Cook Up Football Fun w/New Book (SportsByBrooks)
Is Big Brown Really Back? (Barstool Sports)
This Should Go Well: Joe Torre Tells Manny to Shave His Dreads (Fanhouse)

I’ll miss you, Manny, you enigmatic bastard…

Daily Links:

Return of the Triple Option! (Digital Headbutt)
“Ex-Pats” Writer Decides To Burn Bridges And/Or Create Elaborate PR Stunt (Awful Announcing)
Michael Jordan, not Jackson, with the Toonsquad Jersey, Funny Video (NESW Sports)
Manny’s not headed to the Packers? Then how ’bout the Marlins? (Big League Stew)
Angelia Jolie Is She The Purfect Catwoman (Behind Blondie Park)
Gilbert Arenas Is Threatening to Outdo the Playboy Mansion (Fanhouse)

David Ortiz was placed on the 15-day DL today. When asked about filling in for Ortiz at DH, the genius of shill himself, Manny Ramirez told the Boston Herald:

“I love DH…I’m pretty sure they’re not going to miss my Gold Glove out there [in left]. We’re fine. We’re going to be fine.” (via ESPN.com)

Even MannyRamirez.com only argues that he may not be a gold glove outfielder.

Up until about 1 p.m. I was having a complete bogey of a day…because I decided to go to the DMV this morning…because I’m a schmuck.

Then, I received an early birthday package from my good pal Hillary at Fitness Magazine, which included:

After pummeling Stallion for a while, I was good. Before that though, I was livid. The DMV wouldn’t let me exchange my Connecticut license for a New York one because I didn’t have with me proof of birth. Because w/o a birth certificate or passport in hand, you’re presumed to be a hologram in the eyes of these dingos who work there. Proof of birth? OK, fine. Pinch me, rock me in the face if you want…in fact, why don’t you call my mom and let her tell you what a bastard I was at age 15, I’m real dammit!

So now I’ve got the old man spending eight bucks to overnight me a birth certificate. Hard earned money he could spend on that Corona light he seems to enjoy so much…oh, and I get to go back to the DMV tomorrow…which is my actual birthday!

With this current sad state of affairs I’m dealing with over here, I decided to post links to what I perceived as the worst stuff going on around the sports blogosphere today:

• A-Rod Will Help Manny Celebrate 500 Homers: Ramirez, Rodriguez scripted irony is really not a good look for you

• Bill Simmons Creates a Blogger blog to really stick it to ESPN: Sort of like when Dirk Diggler went from doing high-endish porn to giving $10 olde fashioneds in the truck, no? (via deadspin)

• Tonya Harding Sells Bizarre Tale of Rape, Kidnapping…: I missed this cracker jack’s interview about her book on The Today Show this morning because it’s the DMV, they say you gotta be there early! guh!

• Syrian Blogger Sentenced to Three Years in Jail: bloggers being wrongfully imprisoned, I need this like I need rabies from a subway rat (via The Big Lead)

• Sir Charles is being sued for $400,000 in gambling debts: Well, I guess my day could be worse.

I just watched Manny fly out to end the game as the Red Sox lost to the Angels 7-5.

By watched I mean I followed the little Web 1.0 dot travel on my screen to deepest part of ESPN.com’s graphic representation of Fenway Park.

Not knowing whether or not Manny actually just missed a home run – and inevitably did his little ridiculous pose at the plate – or if some mouth-breathing coder (or whatever you call the person who makes the gamecasts hum) is playing with me is really bothering me.

The Red Sox would have still be been down by a run, but it’s killing me!