Ann Curry can barely contain herself…

Then. Something. Changed. YOUR MIND!

I worked as a pizza chef for about eight years, and can say with authority that pizzerias have hundreds (if not, thousands) of ways for you to defend yourself from thieves.

For example, when the guillotine execution went out of style, what do you think happened to all that metal?

Bingo.

In college, I wrote a screenplay about my days making ‘zas. The story culminates with robbers being thwarted after taking deep fryer grease to the corneas. Real Tarantino-esque imagery.

Point is, that criminal is lucky he only encountered the fleet of fist Rudy Sandoval, and not one of the many psychopaths who are prevalent in the paisan industry.

I wonder if the U.S. Pizza Team has offered Sandoval a contract yet. Or if they’re even looking for an enforcer.

(via Pop Candy)