I’ve long been campaigning (lamenting to people with no authority or pull, whatsoever) in favor of the four-day work week. It obviously hasn’t happened…yet.

In the interest of idealists nationwide, each Friday I’m going to draft a list of how I could be better spending my time if I wasn’t confined to the office.

Because I am nothing, if not overly productive, during freedom time.

Inquire about this young lady’s Stairmaster routine

Look into becoming a Minister of Sport

Let Giada teach me (I’m referring to teaching me the art of Tuscan cuisine, of course)

Sell Lebron my dad’s Barry Manilow collection

Find girls who like Guitar Hero. And look like these.

Claim a portion of a sports franchise’s windfall profits (sweet payout)

Show up at the Philly tailgate, and compete in (dominate) the beer joust (just be on the lookout for the bafooniest group of mongoloids in the parking lot)

Somehow, acquire a free subscription to Wizard Magazine

Price Rorschach trenches

Put drift tires on the old…ok, you found me out, I don’t own a car

Walk around France (Lower East Side) beating on stuff with drum sticks (Man Man is a stupendous band!)

Pick up some Vicktory Dogs vino for my next suaree (of warehouse, back alley cocktail affair)

Tweet @ShaquilleOneal quotes from Kazaam

Tune-in (online) to the Roller Derby Nationals!

Stage a protest (a hostile one, if possible) against the S.C.A. (Society for Creative Anachronism – how much douchier can you get?!)

Get the Phil Spector doo

And finally, test my luck in the Urban Rodeo (sadly, these guys are a walking argument for why it’s a good thing we’re all stuck at work today)

So there you have it, some activities to consider. You’ll probably just end up creating a spoof profile on J-Date. (That you’ll actually check regularly).

Shared with everyone earlier in the week that The Women’s Flat Track Roller Derby Association National Championships are happening this weekend in Portland. (Also known as the Northwest Knockdown!)

If you are at all intrigued, I suggest you log-on to Derby News Network, who will be streaming live tournament action. The bouts kick-off tomorrow, at 6:30 p.m. EST.

Now, here’s a photo preview of what to look out for during Hell on Wheels culminating event of the year….

(more…)

The country’s top eight female roller derby squads will square off next weekend in Portland, OR, with the title of Women’s Flat Track Derby Association National Champion on the line. The tournament will include teams from Texas, Philly, Chicago, Duke City? (Albuquerque, apparently), and of course the high-powered team from NYC known as the Gotham Girls. The Portland Expo Center is expecting upwards of 3,000 fans to come out for the event.

DerbyNewsNetwork.com has the official 2008 WFTDA Championship Bracket up on there site, and you can go log-in and edit and share your own bracket.

Stay tuned, as I try to find out if they’ll be any online or TV coverage of the tournament. And good luck, ladybadasses!

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The Roller Derby Revival gets cooler everyday. And if you don’t agree with me, I assure you I’m correct.

Just last weekend, a team from New York City called the Gotham Girls All-Stars competed in the Eastern Regional Championships at the Derby in Dairyland, in Madison, WI. Not only have they embraced Batman’s nom de guerre for NYC, but they won the tournament, so apparently they’re dirty.

This weekend, the 2008 WFTDA season stampedes into the capital city of the derby revival – Austin, TX – for the TXRD Lonestar Rollergirls Calvello Cup Championship.

Giving it its due recognition, COEDMagazine.com pieced together a photo album that shows the softer side of hell on wheels. Here are some of the goodies…

…and, Yikes!

Check out more here.

Links:
Coed Magazine – Ridiculously Rad Rollergirls
MySpace – Gotham Girls Roller Derby
TXRD Lonestar Rollergirls

A major event of the WFTDA season takes place this weekend, with 12 of the top derby squads on the East Coast meeting in Wisconsin for the annual Derby in Dairyland. A shot at the Nationals in November at stake.

True to form, this tournament plans to offer more than just fine Hell on Wheels competition, with live music, dancing, and coerced trips to roughhouse saloons i’m sure being offered. So, if you’re in the Madison area – go gallivant. (I would!)

Host and notoriously charitable team, the Mad Rollin’ Dolls, will be auctioning off plastered busts of several of the team members’ chests during the weekend as well. The proceeds go to benefit breast cancer awareness. Here’s the model of the Mad Rollins’ Chop Suzzy.

More info on Derby in Dairyland can be had at www.derbyindairyland.com. Check out this video of the Mad Rollin’ Dolls giving a tour of the city of Madison below…

Links:

Derby in Dairyland rolls art and music into flat track festival (The Daily Page)
Photos – Derby Team Plasters Cancer

Just because the track is no longer slanted, does not mean the semantics of competition can’t be. For example, instead of conventional cheerleaders hell on wheels has….jeerleaders!

OR, even better, fearleaders!

These diabolical pep mavens are sort of a cross between the Knicks City Dancers (if they were all tatted up) and the creatures that comprise the Raiders fan base.

No better way to get acquainted with them than watching a dance off! Here are LA Derby Dolls Fearleaders facing off against the Gotham City Jeerleaders at last year’s RollerCon…

WWE’s Mickie James on Psych

Hell on wheels hits cable tonight, as this week’s episode of Psych features show star Maggie Lawson and WWE Diva Mickie James playing roller girls.

The apropos titled ep Talk Derby to Me also features a couple of the L.A. Derby Dolls, and had the Vancouver Derby squad on-set to consult on the action.

In a recent interview, James told TheDeadbolt.com,

I have a newfound respect for [derby girls] because, like I said before, the Vancouver roller-derby team was there with us showing us different stuff…I didn’t realize that they were as tough and that; they get out there and they pretty much beat each other up a little bit. I respect that being an athlete myself and getting beat up and beating people up all of the time.

Yeah, she’s crazy. Love it.

All I cared to know about Psych before this was that Dorn is on it. But I can’t pass up roller derby’s first return to the small screen since Charlie’s Angels! I’ll tivo. Look for my reaction on twitter around 10 a.m. tomorrow, while I’m enjoying this with a bloody mary and a breakfast of bacon.

The new episode of Pysch premieres tonight on USA at 10 p.m. ET.

Link:

Roller Skating into Psych with WWE Diva Mickie James
Charlie’s Angels “Death on Wheels”

Quality 1-on-1 roller derby match-up between two diet staples…

Salt really abandons the tenet of good sportsmanship with that croquet mallet.

It gets a little contentious at center track, before salt goes out of his gourd and skates straight into the wall.

Supports the assertion that bacon is awesome.

I would even eat it in ice cream.

Old School Derby Association informs us that yesterday marked the 73rd anniversary of the first Roller Derby, held in Chicago in 1935.

Hell on wheels was graciously brought forth by a gentleman named Leo Seltzer, who after reading a magazine article that said 93% of Americans had, at one point in their life, roller skated decided to launch the sport.

Seltzer’s first iteration of Roller Derby had folks skating around an oval track for as many as 11-hours, in marathon races meant to simulate the 3000-mile distance between Los Angeles and New York.

The distance was quickly scaled back and the team concept was also adapted. The ruthlessness has always been encouraged, with five minute sprint races – which often saw elbows being thrown and collisions taking place – being inserted during the early derbies for extra prize money.

Drew Barrymore added some roller girl star power to the cast of ‘Whip It’ yesterday, with the additions of Juliette Lewis, Kristen Wiig, Marcia Gay Harden and Zoe Bell.

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