“I’m an otter…I do cute little otter things with my tail. You’re free to go.”

• EBAY ITEM OF THE DAY: DAVE ROZEMA KARATE KICK (The World of Issaac)
• Naked Body Painting Phenomenon Hits NHL, Flyers (Busted Coverage)
• Derrick Rose: Already On His Way to Bust City (Rumors and Rants)
• TOP 10 NAME CANDIDATES FOR THE NEW OKLAHOMA CITY NBA TEAM (Epic Carnival)
• Minor League Manager, Kash Beauchamp, Goes Crazy Video (NESW Sports)
• At Least the Reception, Um, Has Lots of Food When You Get Married at Waffle House (Brahsome)
• Face Plant Friday: Scalabrine Edition (Don Chavez)

…ah yes, the soothing sound of the ice in my third caffeinated drink of the day being stirred.

Kevin Garnett’s loud, loud noises sort of swept this under the rug for the past week.

Suffice to say Scalz makes KG (and his Anything To Be Or Not To Be Possible) look like Churchill.

The creme de le creme of this astonishing display…

We do our defensive philosophy

nothing…nothing?

This is gonna be a series, how could that be?

He totally dominates the point guard position, when he’s a small forward, as well as Rajon (wait, Pierce dominates Rajon how?)

How?

Of course, it doesn’t get really good until the end.

Some foreign soccer reporter reminds Scalabrine that he didn’t even play one little second in the Finals…

In five years, you guys are gonna forget (fair point)

In 10 years, I’ll still be a champion (reasonable, in a cliche sort of way)

In 20 years, I’ll probably tell my kids I started! (Did Scalz just invoke the idea him procreating?)

And in 30 years, I’ll probably tell them I got the MVP!

(Confirming that the intellectual ceiling in the Scalabrine gene pool is as low as you thought it might be)

What. A. Retort.

For my next birthday, all I want is 15 seconds of footage of myself getting the Gatorade shower filmed using the super slow-mo.

Presumably, sometime in the next few days there will be a big bruhaha for the Celtics at Fenway Park.

I put it to you, who will get to throw out the first pitch?

Please find the poll on the side underneath my mug. I’ve nominated the big three, the skip, and the man I believe will have the most free time on his hands.

Now that this NBA business is done with, we can move on to other sports happenings. Like Ana Ivanovic being a babe and being ranked number one at Wimbledon.

Why am i having trouble finding sideline pics of Donald Sutherland from last night’s game? Turns out the guy sleeping next to the Lakers’ chief rabblerouser Jack Nicholson in the front row is actually Lou Adler.

Lou Who? He produced records for Sam Cooke, The Mamas & the Papas and Carole King among others. He also directed Up in Smoke. And apparently him and Nicholson are best pals.

Well, if they’re such great friends, how come Strother Martin snubbed Jack as Tommy Chong’s dad (Arnold Stoner) in UIS?

Now this guy? Smart money says he was sired by Adler (or Drew Carey). Could be any one of Lou’s four youngest sons – Manny, Pablo, Oscar, Ike.

Not especially likely that was Cisco Adler next to Nicholson last night.

So what do we have to look forward to for the game six sideline in Boston on Tuesday? Mistaking somebody from the Scalabrine brood for Michael Rappaport seems realistic.

Here are some game five thoughts from somebody who knows better.