I never thought it would get this out of hand…

TAMPA, FL — Police have arrested a local kickball coach and charged him with raping a 21-year-old kickball player. 26-year-old Andre Javon Newton is also accused of threatening the player’s life.

Investigators say Newton visited the woman in late July and asked her to help provide money for kickball uniforms.

When she went into a bedroom, he reportedly followed her, pushed her onto a bed, and then raped her.

Tampa Police say this is the same kickball league that spawned fights at Riverfront Park back in late-May when officers responded to a brawl of about 100-people. (ABC Action News – Tampa kickball coach accused of raping player)

With the past incidents, It would not shock me if Tampa had some sort of penal kickball league already in existence. Unfortunately for this mook, he’s probably just got lots and lots of solitary confinement to look forward to.

Related Posts:

What the Hell is going on with these Kickball Leagues?
Women’s Kickball League Banned From Tampa Parks, Files Complaint With NAACP

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I will conclude my expose of the kickball universe whenever the hell folks stop feeding me gold…

Since first posting about the gals of the Tampa Bay kickball league, I’ve received multiple emails and comments from kickball enthusiasts in D.C., Memphis and Quebec; I’m now subscribing to like ten RSS feeds for kickball blogs.

Please keep sending! I assure you that info about kickball glory and prowess will be given as much consideration (at least half the time) as the details about on-field violence and degenerate off-field behavior.

Now get a load of these monkeys…

I first learned about this site from the Gothamist post on the kickballer who was arrested wielding a sword in Macys. Amongst all the potshot comments, a link to a website with an overtly inimical message stuck out – dieyuppiekickball.com.

The site serves as an organizational hub for the Anti Yuppie Kickball Guerilla Front, whose credo reads:

We, the Anti Yuppie Kickball Guerilla Front, do advocate all ridiculous direct action and pranks persuant to the collapse of kickball for Young Professionals in the greater Washington, DC area. For too long have we sat idle while all the chumps, douche-bags, yuppies, and stripey-shirt imported assholes of this town coalesced their power under this banner.

Here’s the conspiracy chart… because when it comes to militant action, there is such as fine line between the rational and the delusional:

Here’s a diagram that details ball-napping, one of the AYKGF’s guerilla tactics… sadly, there are no examples of this on YouTube, and no wikipedia page has been created yet.

…

A recent news item from the site reports that Agent T-Bone has been stripped of rank and privilege and declared excommunicate after admitting joining a Brooklyn kickball league.

A post from October 2007, details the arrest of Agent Inquisitor K, who was later arraigned on several charges including advocating terrorism.

After several google searches for Inquisitor K (…and “terrorism”;…and “U.S. Marshals”;…and “aggravated assault” + “ball-napping”), nothing came up to corroborate the post…shocking. From what I can tell, the title of Inquisitor implies a high-level in the chain or command, more so than both Agent and Conscript.

If you think this might be for you, I’d encourage you to visit the site and check out the Join the Front page. They’ve posted some of their “most righteous application statements”, like:

“Crusaders against banal conformity, accept my service! This plague of idiots must know the stink of a shit bomb; they WILL learn that the ball they enslave exists to smite them in a dodgeball frenzy!”

…personally, I’m trying to envision what would happen to somebody lest they were actually put in jail for some of this.

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You’ve probably heard about the guy who was arrested Sunday in Macy’s while on his way to a kickball game carrying his trusty rapier. The New York Post called Lawrence Jackson a bonehead buccaneer.

He’s being charged with criminal weapon possession.

Also on the kickball crime wire this week…Howard Altman of the Tampa Tribune writes:

Another kickball game, another melee

On Sunday in Tampa, two fights broke out amongst as many as 100 people during a women’s kickball league game – one right after the other had been calmed by police.

People at the scene told the police that the fight had nothing to do with the kickball game, and it started because of an argument over a video on YouTube.

No one was arrested, but the cops ensured irate league organizers that the league was finished in the park. On April 13, the city made nine arrests linked to the same kickball gathering.

The league was resuming play for the first time since staging a protest against the City, who were demanding that they pay for permits to use the parks. After meeting with league officials, the City Park & Rec department agreed to wave the fee.

Community activist Michelle Williams told ABC Action News that she was extremely disappointed. I stuck my neck out for them. She had gone to bat for the league, filing a complaint on their behalf with the NAACP.

Two isolated incidence of criminal recklessness linked by kickball in one week? Is it too soon to call this a trend?

This is actually my first year participating in the would-be infamous Brooklyn Kickball League – it does well to propagate the undeniable fact that there is little better than playing sports and drinking, and not much else. Certainly, it has little to do with the imminent decline in Western Civilization.

If anything, the pattern we’re seeing (that I’m not sure needs to be pointed out to most people) is that if you play a fourth-grade game, tread lightly….any stray (felonious or just slightly mischievous) is a lob to the media. On Monday, With Leather took a succinctly worded pot-shot – can’t say I blame them – at Jackson and the Brooklyn Kickball League stating: A guy who plays in an ironic kickball league where they dress up in costumes IN NEW YORK was awarded the gold medal in the Douchebag Olympics yesterday.

Assuming we see more, prepare for the blips in the kickballers’ command of the status quo to be well-publicized. Because, Lance, I assure you that not every criminal weapons charge in New York gets a AP story…that’s picked up in Edmonton.

Kickball Shenanigans Links:

• Pirate Kickballer Faces CHHHHAAAARRRGGGGES

• YouTube Video Sparks Kickball Game Brawl, Police Say

• 100 Involved in Fight at Kickball Game, Police Say

• Tampa Police Deal With Fights At Park Kickball Game

• Buccaneer Bust

• Sword-Wielding Man Arrested

• Gothamist: Kickball Pirate Arrested With Sword In Macy’s

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Fox 13 in Tampa reports that a Tampa Bay women’s kickball league that meets every Sunday has been banned from the park unless they can come up with $1400 to form an official league.

The story says activists for the league claim they are being discriminated against because they can’t afford the high fee. Also, they claim that other teams that use the park don’t have to pay.

“Am I outraged? Yes. Did I make a formal complaint with the NAACP? Yes, I did. And they’re taking the case,”says community activist Michelle Williams.

The women’s league consists of seven teams and has met for the past six weeks.

Alvin Lewis, Chief of Security for Tampa Parks and Recreation said that the leagues has drawn up to 1000 spectators at a time. In lieu of playing, this past Sunday players protested the measures levied by the city against the league (see the photo above).

Concerning the security of the League’s gathering, Police Lieutenant Rocky Ratliff said “I think they had a good idea to play kickball with the family, but you always have that one percent that messes it up for everyone else.That one percent be drinking and smoking marijuana, we don’t allow that in the park.”

The City representatives would not share with Fox the details about fees required of teams to use the park. They did encourage the women to find businesses in the community to sponsor them so that they can continue the league.

Check out video from the news report on My Fox Tampa Bay

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