It’s been awhile since I posted about roller derby. When I went searching for some goings-on earlier, I figured what would emerge as post-worthy would be maybe an update from my local team, the Gotham Girls Roller Derby (who I swear, one day I’ll go watch in person) or perhaps an update to Roller Derby’s Finest. Instead, we’re reporting off-track scam artistry meets airborne grand larceny!

COVINGTON, Ky. — A member and coach of the Cincinnati Rollergirls admitted in court Tuesday she illegally obtained 525 airline tickets for two years through her other job as an United Airlines employee at Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport.

Mercedes Stafford, who skates by the name of “Sadistic Sadie” pleaded guilty to one count of wire fraud while in United States District Court in Covington on Tuesday.

According to documents, Stafford fraudulently bought “involuntary tickets” that airlines issue when a passenger’s flight is canceled or delayed. She then created fake ticket numbers that she would use to buy real tickets on United and other airlines.

According to WLWT.com, Stafford’s dealings cost United Airlines between $400K and $1 million dollars between May 2007 and October 2009. One could buy a lot of Pro-Tec knee and elbow pads with that sort of livelihood.

The statement of the facts notes that though she did at times purchase tickets for her team, the scam was entirely a solo mission by Sadistic. It appears that her teammates consider themselves far from pawns in her game, as they issued the following, highly supportive, statement themselves:

“The Cincinnati Rollergirls have been fortunate to have Sadistic Sadie as a teammate, coach and former president, and we were saddened to hear today’s news. While we do not condone her actions, of which the rest of the team had no knowledge, we wish her and her family the best as she takes responsibility for them and as her case works its way through the judicial system. We thank our fans for supporting our team since 2006 and we hope they will continue to support us during this difficult time.”

Stafford faces a max. punishment of 20-years in jail and a fine of $250K.

www.cincinnatirollergirls.com/

Drew Barrymore put out an APB to folks in the Ann Arbor, MI. area today who might want to be cast as extras in her feature film directorial debut Whip It. And, so far, 3,000 people want in.

Whip It is about a female roller derby league in Austin, TX (the Ann Arbor of the Sun Belt region). It stars Ellen “home skillet” Page (Bliss Cavendar), a young girl who discovers the joy of being hell on wheels. It has nothing to do with the band Devo, evidently.

The casting call is searching for bald men, those with mohawks (either gender), roller skaters or people who know sign language.

So if you have one of these weird hobbies, or unfortunate coif situations, and you’re over-18 – sign yourself up and see if Julia Gulia picks you.

According to an email from Real Style casting company, the baldies should be “willing to get their dome signed by Drew and the cast.”

It does not specify this, but I’m willing to wager that a skullet (willing to get your dome signed, of course) will receive preferential casting consideration. Sign linguists or otherwise.