Part Seven in an on-going series on kickball that I feel is determined to continue deep into the cold weather months…

After all, the National Power Poll was just issued this week! Here are the top-16 as compiled by Kickball365.com.

1.) Frosty Balls (VA Recess)
2.) Meatballs (FL West Palm/FL Beach)
3.) Hey Whoa (NY Gotham)
4.) Kick Asphalts (VA Dominion)
5.) Screw the Team (FL Riptide)
6.) Young Guns (FL West Palm/FL Beach)
7.) Menace 2 Sobriety (DC Rock Creek, DC Memorial)
8.) Off in Public (DC Liberty, DC Memorial)
9.) Blue Balls (VA Recess, VA Shore)
10.) Dumpster Fire (NY Freedom)
11.) We Kick Your Balls (AZ Valley)
12.) Friends With Benefits (VA Dominion)
13.) Gonzo (VA Alexandria, VA Arlington)
14.) Sofa King Good (CA Hollywood)
15.) Best Coast Ballers (CA Gold Rush)
16.) Gym Class All Stars (DC Monument)

Folks, you can rank anything in sports – as long as you power rank it. Kickball is no exception.

The rationale is broken down at Kickball365 as well. I’m assuming a certain subjective approach regardless. It’s hard to factor in the competitive nuances of each respective league. For instance, we learned months back that there is a vigilante terrorist group trying to bring the DC league down (see The Mooks of Kickball, part 3). Who knows how this affected some teams’ R.P.I.?

Here’s a photo of the cleverly named, #1-ranked Frosty Balls celebrating victory at the Founders Cup in Las Vegas…

photo credit

I’m ranked pretty high in most Cure songs played on jukeboxes in the Metro-NY area over the last six months. You can pretty much rank everything in life.

I will conclude my expose of the kickball universe whenever the hell folks stop feeding me gold…

Since first posting about the gals of the Tampa Bay kickball league, I’ve received multiple emails and comments from kickball enthusiasts in D.C., Memphis and Quebec; I’m now subscribing to like ten RSS feeds for kickball blogs.

Please keep sending! I assure you that info about kickball glory and prowess will be given as much consideration (at least half the time) as the details about on-field violence and degenerate off-field behavior.

Now get a load of these monkeys…

I first learned about this site from the Gothamist post on the kickballer who was arrested wielding a sword in Macys. Amongst all the potshot comments, a link to a website with an overtly inimical message stuck out – dieyuppiekickball.com.

The site serves as an organizational hub for the Anti Yuppie Kickball Guerilla Front, whose credo reads:

We, the Anti Yuppie Kickball Guerilla Front, do advocate all ridiculous direct action and pranks persuant to the collapse of kickball for Young Professionals in the greater Washington, DC area. For too long have we sat idle while all the chumps, douche-bags, yuppies, and stripey-shirt imported assholes of this town coalesced their power under this banner.

Here’s the conspiracy chart… because when it comes to militant action, there is such as fine line between the rational and the delusional:

Here’s a diagram that details ball-napping, one of the AYKGF’s guerilla tactics… sadly, there are no examples of this on YouTube, and no wikipedia page has been created yet.

…

A recent news item from the site reports that Agent T-Bone has been stripped of rank and privilege and declared excommunicate after admitting joining a Brooklyn kickball league.

A post from October 2007, details the arrest of Agent Inquisitor K, who was later arraigned on several charges including advocating terrorism.

After several google searches for Inquisitor K (…and “terrorism”;…and “U.S. Marshals”;…and “aggravated assault” + “ball-napping”), nothing came up to corroborate the post…shocking. From what I can tell, the title of Inquisitor implies a high-level in the chain or command, more so than both Agent and Conscript.

If you think this might be for you, I’d encourage you to visit the site and check out the Join the Front page. They’ve posted some of their “most righteous application statements”, like:

“Crusaders against banal conformity, accept my service! This plague of idiots must know the stink of a shit bomb; they WILL learn that the ball they enslave exists to smite them in a dodgeball frenzy!”

…personally, I’m trying to envision what would happen to somebody lest they were actually put in jail for some of this.